Don’t make this HUGE mistake…

Don’t Fall Victim To The “Refunder” Mentality!

How To Avoid This Deadly Dating Trap…

I wanted to share an excellent article with you. My good friend Shelly McMurtry wrote this a while back, and she gave me permission to print it here.

She spotted something that I think you should know about when it comes to meeting and dating guys.

Read on…


The Refunder Mentality – by Shelley McMurtry

There are some guys out there that will return anything… From a pair of shoes to the woman they’re dating! Nothing and no one is good enough for them — they have entitlement syndrome, are selfish, and simply too lazy to get anything to work for them.

This includes the women they run across, date for a short time, see what they can get away with. And then will toss out– like a soiled undergarment. Learn to recognize these guys — and protect yourself!

I want to tell you a story…. I’m writing this because I just got off the phone with a distraught woman in her early 40’s, named Samantha. She called me crying… literally.

Supposedly she met a guy about 4 months ago named Cal. At first she thought Cal was everything she always wanted in a guy… She thought he was caring, affectionate, and loving… He is an elementary school teacher, very personable, tall, with nice eyes, and attractive.

Samantha has fallen head-over-heels for Cal… but today he called her, out of the blue, and told her that he no longer wants to see her and has found someone new.

Samantha couldn’t believe it… They had seen each other just two nights ago and everything was great & they had plans tonight. Samantha pried and tried to find out what was wrong– if she had done something she wasn’t aware of.

Cal proceeded to tell Samantha that he had lost attraction and interest in her, and that he found a woman he was highly attracted to. He said that he has more in common with the new girl, and that he “needed something new“.

As Samantha cried, telling me through her sobbing tears about how wonderful this guy is for her (even though he’s obviously not), she started telling me about all of the nice, friendly things she had done for him.

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One of the first things she mentioned was that last weekend she returned a pair of shoes for him.

Okay, now number one, she shouldn’t have been returning shoes for him, but the fact that he had shoes he wanted to return got my attention first and foremost…

“Why did he want to return these shoes, Samantha?” I asked.

This is what she actually told me: “Well, he had purchased these shoes he thought he liked, wore them to work once that week and realized he didn’t like them and they weren’t his type of shoes, so he wanted to return them but didn’t have time, so I did it for him.”

After hearing this I immediately asked her, “And why didn’t you know right then that he would eventually return you, too… sooner than later… Just like he did today?”

You see, this guy obviously has what I sometimes refer to as “refunder mentality.”

Someone who has “refunder mentality” has a mix of entitlement syndrome, laziness, selfishness, and scarcity mentality… And NONE of those are good things to have– especially in a dating partner!!

Anyone can have “refunder mentality”… a man or a woman… And women who are reading this… you need to watch for “refunder mentality” in men! Just like Cal demonstrated.

These are the people who are always whining about something “not being right for them,” always bellyaching and moaning, and simply sour, depressing people to be around.

They would rather “refund” something, return it and get it out of their life… verses put the effort or dedication into making it work or using it.

Chances are, in Cal’s case, he just didn’t feel like he looked good in those shoes… since they weren’t his “type” of shoes after he wore them for a day.


He then wanted to return USED shoes he had worn for a FULL DAY… Okay, you know what… In my book, that is nothing more than plain and simple theft.

He did the same thing to Samantha… He found someone “newer & better” (so he thinks), that he believes is more of his “type”– and so he “returned” Samantha and told her he didn’t want to date her any longer.

Being in this business, I unfortunately get to see “refunder mentality” on a daily basis… and I usually can tell, right off the bat, why the guy can’t meet or keep a woman.

And vice-versa!

Guys don’t like women with “refunder mentality…”

They won’t call it that or even know exactly why they aren’t attracted to the woman who has it. They will just sense that something about her is weak, or whiny, less than feminine, or possibly even cheap and flighty.

Guys aren’t attracted to women who always have problems with stuff, are always negative, whining and complaining, and bellyaching… None of that describes a woman who is confident, secure, lighthearted, funny, interesting, and optimistic… and those ARE the things guys are attracted to.

As a woman, you shouldn’t allow a guy in your life that constantly bellyaches, is negative, expects everything to be given to him, will use something and then return it or get a refund, or who has clear signs of entitlement syndrome.

If you do allow such a guy in your life… I guarantee you that he will be “refunding” you, just like Cal did to Samantha!

And… watch out for guys with “refunder mentality”– you don’t want to end up shocked and heartbroken like Samantha did.

These are important questions to always ask yourself when you’re reading something or trying to learn, and you want to make sure that the women you date also think this way:

“What can I learn from this?”

“How can I make this work for me?”

“What lesson can be taken from this?”

“What do I need to learn from this point, going forward?”

When you ask yourself that, right there, you’ll get way more than your money’s worth!

What do guys want??? Remember… interesting, enlightened, charismatic, fun, secure, confident, personable, feminine women.

What do guys NOT want??? Whining, complaining, bellyaching, critical, angry women that are less than feminine women.


– Shelley



Shelley’s absolutely right on about this…

Believe it or not, I have even had a gal write me to tell me that she wanted to return a program that was actually helping her because she would “rather have a program that was flashy and had actors in it” – even if it didn’t teach her anything new.

Hmmm… I told her I wouldn’t make an inferior product that was all flash, but I know plenty of other so-called gurus out there that would.

Crazy, huh?

I have a personal policy that I never return things I buy unless they are defective and I need a replacement. This forces me to 1) Make a commitment to what I’ve bought, and 2) Take my decisions more seriously.

Oh, and it also has the side effect of making me much more willing to FIND something to learn from everything I buy.

(And I buy a LOT of educational and self-development programs. I spend about 10% of my income on education, and you should, too!)

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You see, the fact is that there is ALWAYS something you can learn from every program or book you get. You just have to make the commitment to find it and USE it.

I’ll be back with more dating and relationship tips tomorrow for you…

– Carlos Cavallo


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