Is He Torturing You On Purpose...?

By: Carlos Cavallo
 |

Have you ever wondered, is he torturing you on purpose? Is this just a man playing with your head and your heart?

I'll explain more if a guy is leading you on in this Q&A:

QUESTION FROM A READER:

So I met a guy a few months ago. He says he wants to date and have it hopefully go further. He is VERY busy (he’s not just saying that, he really is swamped with work and gets very little sleep and tells me about it.)

Communication is very difficult and I have not seen him in months!!! I want things to go further but I’m at a loss for what to do here. We talk fairly regularly…

I initiate emails or texts often (bad, I know, but I’m afraid I’ll stop hearing from him!) He says he has interest but things are hard. I’m so frustrated and it’s taking a huge toll on me.

I know that if a guy is seriously interested, NOTHING will keep him from making more of an effort and pursuing. I've tried everything here. I’m afraid to pull away because I’m afraid he will be so busy that he won’t notice or care.

WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?!?!

I've dated guys since him and he’s the one I want. It’s driving me crazy. How do I get him to make more of an effort and problem solve?

0313 unhappy couple in bed sm Is He Torturing You On Purpose...?

Or is he just sadistic and stringing me along even though it hurts me? I’m clueless here.

Thanks,
Carol

______________________

CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS:

First off, I can assure you that he's probably not sadistic.

The fact of the matter is that we often don't realize that most people only act in self interest - even if that self-interest hurts people around them.

You already have the keys to your answer in what you told me, so I'm going to hit them here really quick...

1)  He is VERY busy (he’s not just saying that, he really is swamped with work and gets very little sleep and tells me about it.)

I have to ask - is this a special situation, OR is this the way his life will probably be for the foreseeable future...?

Because while you DO want a man who is ambitious and works toward his goals, you also need a man that can pull back and balance things out....

2) You said:

"I’m so frustrated and it’s taking a huge toll on me. I know that if a guy is seriously interested, NOTHING will keep him from making more of an effort and pursuing. I've tried everything here. I’m afraid to pull away because I’m afraid he will be so busy that he won’t notice or care."

You're absolutely right about the interest part. If he's genuinely interested, he'll act on that interest.

We often excuse people out of things by listening to their "logical" explanations, and not wanting to admit that the truth is that if you want something bad enough, you'll do what it takes to get it.

Right now, it appears that his work is more important do him.

Now, you say that you're afraid to pull away, but the reality is that you know you MUST do this. But what you're really saying is that you're afraid that he doesn't feel the same way about you.

So you'd rather continue doing what's not working, in the hopes that you can avoid finding that out.

he Takes you for Granted Is He Torturing You On Purpose...?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's a simple game of trying to avoid getting your feelings hurt. And I understand that.

But think about a few more months of this pain, because the pattern won't change without you to start respecting your own time and value.

Then, after a few more months, he goes and finds someone else or just ends it. And now you feel the cumulative pain of letting him have that control over your heart.

Take back the ownership! He's not fit for stewarding this relationship, or impacting your self respect and value.

If you haven't seen him in months, and he hasn't initiated seeing you in months, it's already over. You're just clinging to the wreckage here.

And ultimately, that will make it harder for you to connect to the next guy who IS genuinely interested.

Stop holding on to the fantasy. Starting now, you're going to have to pull away and let him realize that you're not going to be taken advantage of and taken for granted.

And if he really does want a relationship, it's the only way he's going to realize it. He can't value something that he doesn't understand he can lose.

And if you want the complete plan for how to handle a man - and really make him yours forever - then you need to watch this video where I explain how men think, and how you can get everything you deserve from your relationships....

Remember - no matter how much YOU think he's the one for you, if he isn't believing it, it's not true.

So you have to get to work doing the RIGHT things to get him to stand up and take notice...

- Carlos Cavallo

 

UPDATED 9/23/2021

Carlos Cavallo's Dating Advice Guru Relationship Tips For Women
Carlos Cavallo - Dating Advice For Women

Carlos Cavallo Dating and Relationship Guru

FREE Report!

The 7 Mistakes Women Make That Make Men Pull Away...

  • The REAL Reason Men Run From Relationships...
  • How To Know If He's Still Interested In You...
  • Is He Afraid To Commit? Find out...
MORE
  • Take The Quiz!...
  • Listen to Carlos podcast

  • Carlos Cavallo's Relationship Tips

    Dating & Relationship Advice Published By:

    Morpheus Productions, LLC
    1115 Madison St NE #1047
    Salem, OR 97301

    1-888-414-0780

  • More Articles

    Are You Smothering Him? Find out...

    When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]

    Read More
    "How Compatible Are We?" - Find Out If He's Right For You!

    When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]

    Read More
    How To Kiss A Guy - Tips & Secrets No One Taught You!

    For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]

    Read More
    How To Start a Conversation On Dating Apps

    It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]

    Read More
    How To Apologize to Your Boyfriend

    It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]

    Read More
    13 Things You Should Never Say To a Guy

    It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]

    Read More
    What A Man Is Thinking When He Pulls Away

    What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]

    Read More
    The Best Cure For A Broken Heart

    If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]

    Read More
    The 7 Attitudes Men Love About Women - Do YOU Have Them?

    Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]

    Read More
    How To Tell If He Likes You By His Texts

    So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]

    Read More

    WHY HE STOPPED LOVING YOU...

    FREE EBOOK & VIDEO Shows you why you're not his priority anymore

    - The REAL Reasons Men Disappear

    - How To Know If He's Still Interested

    - Is He Afraid To Commit? Find out!

    Your Book is on the way... Check your email now!

    linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram