3 Holidays No Man Would Ever Invent (Or Observe!)
I asked my wife this morning if I should talk a bit about some “imaginary” holidays that you’d never believe a man would invent.
I wanted to have a little fun with this topic, because let’s face it: Men and women do think differently about relationships – at the very start.
Later on, we start to come into alignment. I realize my slightly sarcastic tone here might even make you chuckle a bit.
“Carlos,” you might say, “Ew! Even women don’t want these holidays!”
Well, you’d be surprised. As you see them, you’ll be tugged in two directions at the same time.
One will be: “I don’t want my man to act like THAT!” and another part of you will still fantasize about him actually doing it.
So without further ado – let’s talk trash!
Three – count ’em – THREE holidays no man would invent!
HOLIDAY 1 That No Man Would Invent: “Let’s Talk Feelings! Day”
HOW YOU IMAGINE CELEBRATING: You sit down to a nice candle-lit dinner. He gets you a nice glass of your favorite red wine.
Then … he pops the question: “Honey, what are you thinking?”
“Ummm… I don’t know, really.”
He says: “Well, I was thinking about how I felt about you, and I wanted to share it with you.”
“That would be great, John!”
“I was thinking of doing it with interpretive dance!”
(Sound of record scratching here.)
Oh, yes, ladies – this holiday is a huge “avoid” on a man’s menu.
It’s a tie between this one and “Let me tell you where the relationship is going day” – where he tells you how the relationship will grow and lead to marriage.
Look, you know that men like talking about their feelings about as much as they like climbing pine trees naked. Which is to say, NOT AT ALL.
But … why? What’s so hard about opening up about how you feel?
You know he has feelings, even if they’re locked up and hidden in there.
Let me tell you what the three barriers are to his expression of love:
1) He doesn’t have the vocabulary.
Men simply don’t grow up learning how to describe their feelings in intimate detail.
We grow up learning the vocabulary of action and physicality. Most of our emotions come out physically.
2) He can’t come up with it on command.
And he needs TIME to find the right words. The problem being that most women don’t have the patience to sit there in silence and let him talk for 10 minutes to find the words.
There’s a lot of anxiety when you hear a man fumbling for emotional expression.
And part of your anxiousness is that you fear what he’s saying means he doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him.
First of all, realize that your desire to hear his feelings sometimes makes it harder for him to actually find them. If you hit a man with this question too many times in the wrong way, it will actually shut him down.
I’m not saying it’s YOUR FAULT – I’m saying that you do need to be VERY calm and cautious about how you ask the question of him.
Men don’t fear the expression of emotion…
We fear being rejected because of it.
HOLIDAY 2 That No Man Would Invent: “Let’s Just Cuddle!” Day
HOW YOU IMAGINE CELEBRATING: You both jump into bed with the iPad, fire up Netflix, and start watching “The Notebook” and “Love, Actually” in endless repetition. The only time he breaks contact from spooning you is to grab a hankie as the credits roll.
Okay, that might be a little over the top, but that’s just the Chardonnay talking.
The funny truth about this is that guys really do enjoy the OCCASIONAL rom-com.
(That’s shorthand for “romantic comedy,” btw.)
We like the ups and downs of romance as much as women do.
But what we don’t like is how little control we often feel like we have over it most of the time.
Look, the reality about cuddling is that a man’s genitals are on a hair trigger. (Pun intended.)
Cuddling is great, really. But eventually his motor is going to get started.
Men have a biological imperative to “spread his seed.” We are literally programmed to get rid of the unused stuff every few days.
But let’s be serious here, sex is much more fun than solo maintenance, and so we are more keen to get you into bed. And cuddling will happen – if you know how to get him to fall for you at the same time.
Most often, a woman will give in to him too early, or in the wrong way – which short-circuits his “challange mechanism.”
(By the way, I talk about this in “Forever Yours” – click here to check it out.)
So while guys do like the cuddling, we tend to like it better when it goes somewhere. We don’t have conscious control over our sex drive the way a woman does, so this is often confusing to women who feel that the guy needs a bit more self-control.
HOLIDAY 3 That No Man Would Invent: “Know What You’re Thinking Without You Having To Tell Him Day”
HOW YOU IMAGINE CELEBRATING: You wake up and he’s there with a coffee. He points out three articles on the Internet about fashion and how Brad is getting back with Jennifer finally.
Then he tells you, “Sweetie, I know you’ve been feeling a little bloated and unattractive, so I bought you a spa pass for this weekend. And since you were worried about that bitch at work showing you up, I bought you this dress that will make her look cheap – and make you look STUNNING.”
Well… sorry. I know that one probably got you a little excited. I hate being a tease.
Look, guys don’t read minds. It’s really that simple.
But what you are secretly hoping is that he will SEE you enough to figure out what’s going on with you.
That he’ll demonstrate his compassion and caring by peering into your life with a deep perception of your struggles and worries.
And, quite honestly, he should.
Here’s a tip for you:
You can gauge a man’s love for you by how much he cares about you –
but you can’t read too much into it
when he doesn’t do it the way you WANT him to…
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
He could love you deeply, but just not have a clue how to interpret your situation.
Men are used to keeping their concerns in the back of their head. They stew on their problems, then eventually go to work on them.
They don’t need as much outside input to make a decision and get busy.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t really appreciate that many women don’t process it the same way.
Not to mention, he doesn’t understand that a woman needs to see a man taking initiative to take care of her needs. This tells her that he really cares – when he does it WITHOUT having her ask for it.
But again, I have to caution you. His lack of meeting your needs without asking does not mean he doesn’t love you and desire you.
We men just don’t deal well with the vague area of feelings that we can’t see.
Just so you know, there were
a few more holidays I could have included…
Like these rare gems:
- “Keep my eyes on you” day – where he doesn’t look at ANY other women but you…
- “Your butt looks fabulous in those jeans” day – where he does nothing but compliment your appearance all day long…
Let’s also not forget:
- “I picked up my underwear and took out the garbage day” – no explanation needed on that one.
And – finally – here’s an oldie, but a goodie:
- “Man UP” day – where he stops acting like one of those wussies in the movies and shows you confidence by asking you out – also called “Sweep You Off Your Feet” day.
Look, I write these articles almost every week, so I’ll get to those in time.
Until then, maybe you can take a little solace in the fact that – even though we don’t have these holidays for real, if you know WHY he behaves this way, you can still get to your goal with him.
Love doesn’t need holidays to happen (You hear me, Valentine’s Day? Yeah, I’m talking to YOU!)
You can make the love happen without having to force it into an observed holiday.
So if you want these holidays in your life with the man you love you have to make sure that you understand how to CONNECT with him.
And a big part of that means understanding the different ways men connect with their partner. The fact is that your guy has his unique way of connecting with YOU.
This video I recently recorded talks about the FIVE different connection styles men have. This is important stuff to know because it will help you create a deeper and stronger emotional bond with him.
In other words, you’ll have a happier, healthier relationship by removing the barriers men unconsciously put up around them. Start connecting with your guy better as early as tonight –
CLICK HERE to find out more.