Home Forums Dating And Relationship Advice why he won't even give me a chance?

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Cathy 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #5534

    gi1307
    Participant

    Exactly a year ago at my work’s Christmas party, one of my colleagues tried to kiss me, I turned my face away and that’s where it all started…long story short after our first little encounter last year he went on to date someone else for a few months but she was leaving the country, after she left him and I started to connect again, and after a month or so started hooking up. I hugely enjoy his company, and sex with him but the first time we hooked up when we were already well into it he said “this is fun but don’t get too attached” I explained to him that I wouldn’t be doing that with him if I didn’t feel a emotional connection with him but that I understood attachment is not a good idea in general. We hooked up every weekend for about a month, I tried to make plans and he would always say “maybe” or “let’s see how they night goes” eventually we had a conversation about our relationship, and he said he was 100% on the same page as me, that while we weren’t gonna be too committed we were gonna start making plans without misunderstandings because we both really really enjoyed each other and the sex, during this conversation he told me didn’t think our connection other than physical was “that crazy”. I told him that whatever happened between us I wanted to make sure we would protect our friendship and he agreed. After this conversation that I thought was honest and open he stopped contacting me, he smiled and was nice when I saw him at work but that’s it, he hosted events and didn’t invite me, I didn’t message him often and I didn’t Iniate anything as to not make him feel pressured but month later I finally confronted him about his attitude. I didn’t threaten to end it, 8 just simply told him that it was obvious whatever we had was over and that if he has changed his mind I wished he had talked to me about it. At first he said he didn’t realize things between us were in a bad place and in the same conversation he told me that whatever j said he still felt he could be leading me on and wasn’t up for hanging out outside of a party we may be at and that he didn’t mean to be hurtful but he would rather tell me now than carry our an awkward relationship on his end…I told him I agreed that it had to end but for different reasons I told him that while I don’t need the gf title and while non attachment is a rule of thumb in my life I could still really care and that I wanted to share that part of myself with someone who could at least offer the same, he said understood and that was that…(i already know this is the absolute worst thing to do but I had a few too many drinks and sent him this message the following weekend:
    please do NOT misinterpret this message, But you were right, not in that I was being led on but in that I was feeling more than I was supposed to, as wrong as we are for each other, I’m still fuckig grateful that you happened because everytime you kissed me I felt it in my stomach and every time you touched me you sent fireworks down my spine and that is the biggest gift you could have ever given me…I climbed out a sunroof last night and didn’t get a rush even close…So im gonna look for for that, but I truly hope you find someone who makes you feel the way you made me feel…I would like that for you. I’m drunk so it has taken like an hour to properly write this so I’m gonna go get drunker..and fuck you if you reply something mean…ok? Ok bye!
    I have since decided to do my best to not obsess and move on…I have understood my mistake was not challenging him enough, but he didn’t give me any closure and I guess I’m here looking for some…I feel like he never gave me a chance, did he maybe not enjoy sex with me? Even though he said he did..it seems strange that a man would end a FWB relationship for NO apparent reason..he said he didn’t want to lead me on but that sounds like the biggest cop out cuz he was fine sleeping with me for a while and he was the one who would tell me to spend the night and cuddle me through the night like his life depended on it…did he just “pump and dump” me? Did he only ever see me a easy access sex? I’m hurt…not because it didn’t turn into a relationship but because I thought he cared about me on some level…he did bring up my ethnicity as couple of times, could it have been a racial thing?? I know he finds me attractive, cuz I know for a fact him and other guys at work have discussed how “hot I am”. Was I just an itch he wanted to scratch?? I know I can’t earn his affection but now under these circumstances, how do I earn his respect? Any help would be much appreciated!

    #5620

    Cathy
    Participant

    He could be scared or just plan games.

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