Being with someone you care about means there are emotional stakes involved. It also means getting hurt from time to time when you don’t agree on something, and you end up fighting about it.
Apply the tips below to start de-escalating the tension with your guy:
Sooner or later, you’ll need to deal with whatever’s bothering you. And it’s better to do it before all those negative feelings snowball and overwhelm you both.
Understanding the need for handling problems as they come up is the first step. From here, you can work on taking action so that things don’t come to a head.
I know how annoying it can be when your guy doesn’t respond to low-level complaints; you feel forced to get nasty just to get him to listen.
Whether it’s taking out the trash before going to bed or paying the bills on time, there’s a better alternative to having a meltdown and being too harsh with your words.
This makes it easier for guys to deal with difficult topics, like commitment or talking about your emotions.
Speaking of which, it’s best to lead with your emotions by telling him how you feel about a certain issue. For instance, you can say, “I feel like we’re not spending enough time together, and I’d really love for us to work on that.”
And that brings us to the next step…
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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Men love to tinker, so you can encourage him to deal with an issue by making it something you can solve together. From a male perspective, problems seem better when they’re a troubleshooting experience.
You wouldn’t get a positive reaction by simply blurting out, “You know, it sucks that you’re too caught up in your job and it’s really selfish of you not to care about spending time together.”
Let him feel that he can be part of the solution, rather than pinning the problem on him or his lack of concern. Find a good time to talk about it, but bring it up in a way that doesn’t make him defensive (see #2) or shuts down on you.
If he can’t deal with it right now, ask him what would be a good time to talk about it later on. At the very least, he’s aware that you have something on your mind and has enough time to prepare for a discussion.
I know it’s tough dealing with conflict, and the best way to cope with it is by having a good perspective to work from.
You may feel bad in the heat of the moment and have those “doom and gloom” thoughts. But remember, these are just temporary feelings and it doesn’t mean that everything’s going down the drain.
If anything, knowing more about your partner will bring you closer after the dust settles.
What’s important is that you’re learning how to manage difficult situations and keeping a positive sentiment in your relationship.
Keeping a guy doesn’t have to be an uphill struggle though. Learning about his Connection Style will take out the guesswork of making him fall deeper in love with you.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
- Carlos Cavallo
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