Attention is a valuable thing...
When we're kids, we want attention all the time ... until we don't. Then we get shy.
When we're adults, we crave attention - but we also avoid it as much as possible. Probably because we don't want to feel that lack of attention - when the attention is taken away.
You ever feel that push/pull of being ignored, but you don't know why?
If you're being ignored, you feel that pain...
I'm going to confess that nothing triggers my insecurities more than feeling ignored.
First, let's look at the signs he's ignoring you so you can know if you are - in fact - being ignored:
You haven't gotten a text from him in days. Or maybe he left you hanging after your last text and has yet to respond.
Or you're still waiting on a call back from him from two days ago...
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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One of the most difficult things to do is sit calmly while you wait for someone to get back to you. ESPECIALLY if it's from a guy you adore.
When we feel ignored by someone we like, it feels like REJECTION. And that's never fun.
You're sitting there at the pub, your man standing right there, and he barely acknowledges your presence. It's a cruddy feeling to not be made to feel important by him.
When you feel lonely in the same room with him, you know there's a problem in your relationship. And you're also probably being ignored.
Always trust your gut with this one.
If you check in with your feelings and see some evidence that you're not a priority to him, and you're fairly sure it's not your usual insecurities coming up, you should pay attention. Chances are you are being ignored.
When you have a feeling, you have to respect it and give it some validity. Check inside yourself and see if your gut is telling you the honest truth.
It usually does...
Okay, so you figured out he is ignoring you...
Now, why is he ignoring you?
There are a lot of people in the world (men AND women) that don't know how to deal with their anger. It's either foreign to their experience, or they're just afraid of their extreme feelings.
What's the easiest thing to do in this situation? Yup. Ignore the thing that's making you angry.
Remember: When a person is acting out of their emotions, they're not thinking about YOUR emotions. They're only trying to manage their state as best they can.
When a person is in pain, they stop thinking about others and go into a protective mode where their feelings and happiness become the priority. No one can stay in a relationship where they are not happy or getting what they want for very long.
The key here is to determine if it's a small thing he's mad about or a big thing.
It happens... a guy gets caught up in his career. This usually happens for a man for at least the first 10 years after he enters the work force.
If your man isn't a career go-getter, then he's probably just consumed with his personal life. And you should know what that is and either be able to support him or let him take care of it.
If you don't know what's going on with him, that should be your first warning sign. You need to know what he's got going on in his life.
Let me tell you a little secret here: If a guy is supported and loved, and has a connection with the woman in his life, he wants her around and he won't ignore her.
If he's using the excuse of being busy to push you away, you probably don't have a good enough connection with him.
Most guys aren't going to tell you this one to your face. It feels very awkward and uncomfortable to discuss. And MOST of the time, he won't even know this is what he's feeling. He'll just sense a repulsion to you that he can't explain.
He'll still feel attracted to you, and desiring you sexually. But deep inside he'll have this weird feeling that something is not quite right. Eventually it will dawn on him that you're too THERE.
And that's when he disappears for a while to get a breath of fresh air.
That's really what the smothering sensation is for a man - it feels like he's trapped. Like he can't do what he wants.
It's not that a guy is looking to "play the field" or date around on you. That's not what he needs for freedom.
He's looking for the freedom to NOT be held down to your schedule or whims all the time. Men need the flexibility to explore what they want from life.
And let's be honest here: Smothering is never pleasant. It screams of insecurity and anxiousness.
I know this one won't be a favorite with you, but it is a possibility. If he's out of touch too often and too regularly, there's always the possibility he's seeing another woman.
First of all - make sure you've both come to the understanding that you're exclusive with each other.
And no, you can't assume it. You have to talk about it and hear it clearly.
Guys will often interpret a relationship as being "open" until there is some kind of declaration that it's now one-on-one and no dating others.
The best way you can do this is to have HIM ask you to make it exclusive. If you ask him, that's going to leave you wondering if his heart is really all in it.
You need to know he prizes and cherishes you!
It's no secret that guys don't text or call women the same way that women do for men. We men don't see texting as being as important as many women do.
For a man, it's trivial. It's something to do when he's not doing other things. So men don't prioritize texting the way women do.
This is really important for you to understand and ACCEPT.
Because if you keep feeling hurt because he's not responding to every text you send within 10 seconds - the way you want him to - you're the one that suffers. Not him. He's just following his "dude protocol."
Now, if you communicate to him that it's important to you that he responds to your texts, and he still doesn't - then you've got a problem you should handle.
Just do your best to not let your need for texting and phone calls feel like you're having him "check in with the boss."
That will make him run for the hills...
There's a deep dark secret here I want to share with you: During the first few months you're with a guy, unless you're wowing him, he's probably thinking about breaking up at least once per week. It comes with the territory.
A guy is always looking for the reasons to keep the relationship moving forward. If he doesn't see them, he will just hold space and not do very much. Which is usually what wakes the female up that there's something going on.
The fact is that if you're not a "WOW" in the first month, it's unlikely your relationship will go anywhere fast. Yeah, he might date you - but it's just like any other BTN relationship...
When you're just a "better than nothing" relationship, he's only going to put in a minimum of effort while he waits for something better to come along.
Before you explode in outrage, let me tell you that many women do the same when they're in a lackluster relationship. They may rationalize it differently, but it's still the same.
We hate being alone, so someone is better than no one...
So there is a chance that your man could be looking to move on - and he might just be waiting for someone to show up.
The good news is that this can be turned around. You can get him to pay attention to you again - make you his priority.
And he can even be made to fall in love - if you know what to say.
It's all in the words you use. And I've got the right thing for you to say to him right now...
Obsess his mind and you'll capture his heart...
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