Julianne, a client of mine, had been telling me about her on-and-off lover, Garrett who’s been taking her for a little ride for the past few months.
“We just connected at a friend’s party, and it was great,” she says, “the chemistry was just amazing…being together felt so natural.”
And when he did want to meet up, it was usually at the weirdest of times, like three in the morning or something like that.
So it came to a point where they wouldn’t even go out if Julianne didn’t take the initiative to set something up.
I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts, and this is what I told her:
Instead of waiting for him to call, hoping he’ll ask you out, just do things for yourself.
Keep that schedule of yours the way it is, and don’t start flaking out on your job and other commitments to your friends and family even if you think he’s such an amazing guy.
One of the most common mistakes I see women make is that they put their life on hold, thinking that ‘going the extra mile’ is going to impress a guy.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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If you keep running to a guy every time he calls you, it sets the bar for the relationship, and the kind of behavior you’ll get from him.
Let him meet you halfway. Don’t rearrange your weekly schedule if he’s clearly not valuing you enough to make the effort.
I know how wonderful it feels to find someone who ‘gets’ you like no one else does. But don’t let the romance hamper your better judgment when it comes to dating a guy.
Or is it too much talk, but not a whole lot of follow through?
This is the best indication you’ll ever have to decide whether you should keep him…
…or keep walking.
And if it’s the latter you’re seeing in a guy (like Garrett), the best thing to do is NOT make him think it’s ok to treat you that way.
To their surprise, they end up in the same situation over and over. They’re unaware that giving in to last-minute plans and generally poor treatment is what perpetuates this cycle.
For the majority of couples, it’s the guy who does the pursuing. And it doesn’t take away anything from women because letting a guy make the effort in the beginning doesn’t make you any less empowered.
Sure, there are exceptions to this, but for the most part, quality men know that they need to show a girl that he values her before he can get anywhere with her.
So if guys like Garrett come and go as they please and expect you to accommodate them at a whim, simply draw the line.
But you don’t need to have one of those “we need to talk” conversations where you tell him “how it should be” and demand that he respect you.
Don’t return his calls, and if he does catch you on the phone, let him know you can meet up at a time that’s GOOD FOR YOU.
Tell him which days you’re available as politely as you can, and if he can’t make it, just say:
“That’s too bad. Let me know if there’s some other time that works for both of us.”
If he can’t wrap his head around the fact that a relationship needs to be on your terms (and not just his), don’t lose any sleep over it.
If you can read a guy through his actions, your own behavior can also send a message back to him. Quality guys who won’t waste your time will get that message loud and clear.
As for Julianne, she wised up and put her foot down, but in a gentle and dignified way. Eventually, she connected with another man who treated her the way she deserved.
By the way, I stumbled on a powerful way to connect with guys, and I wanted to take this opportunity to share it with you:
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
- Carlos Cavallo
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