“Why do the people that we chase run away from us?”
“Why can’t we have what we want the most?”
Those two questions define dating for a LOT of women.
And it’s a frustrating paradox that they need to face when it comes to dealing with men.
Chances are you’ve asked yourself those questions at some point. And if you’re still looking for the answers, let me share a little insight with you.
You see, I’ve noticed a common pattern with my clients over the years. Most of them have that ONE guy that they can’t seem to lock down no matter how hard they try.
And that’s the main problem, really: they’re trying TOO HARD.
Here’s a little secret about men: the harder you chase them, the faster they’ll run away.
It’s not because ALL men are “players” (although I’ll admit there are a lot of those out there) or cruel by nature.
It’s more about basic human psychology. There’s just something about the “I need to make this work no matter what” attitude that drives men away.
I’ve asked my guy friends about this, and most of them said they get turned off when they feel a girl is too “intense”. When a guy starts to feel this way, he’ll do the following:
- Going off the grid (i.e. not responding to your hundreds of calls, emails and messages).
- Being generally unavailable with a bunch of excuses on standby: “I need to work early tomorrow”, “I’m really busy at work”, etc.
- If he does stay in touch, it will only be to call you up occasionally at the last minute, and not caring if it’s a bad time for you or if you’ve already made other plans.
Don’t worry, though – there is a way to nip this behavior so you don’t end up having to chase him like a fugitive on the run:
#1: Stop Moping Around and Get Out of the House
Does your life come to a grinding halt every time a new guy comes into the picture?
Do you put all your appointments on hold, cancel plans you made weeks ago and stand up your friends?
Do you end up staying at home in case he contacts you? Are you like the fire brigade, ready to go at a moment’s notice when you get that call?
You know where I’m going with this.
Fight the urge to turn your life upside-down for someone you’ve just met.
I’ll be honest with you – most guys wouldn’t do the same for a new girl, even if they’re into her.
They’d rather play it cool and keep their life going so they won’t look needy or desperate.
So, do the same and show him (in a subtle way) that you’re confident enough to keep your daily agenda intact even if you’re seeing him.
Dismantling your schedule just so you can see him 24/7 sends a bad message to a guy.
Once he catches on, he might take advantage of your all-or-nothing attitude and keep dangling that carrot in your face.
Or he might find it too much and get turned off.
So when he asks you out on a certain day that isn’t good for you, let him know.
Give him an alternative instead of saying “YES!” right off the bat.
For instance, you could say something like, “Hey, that sounds great, but Tuesday is going to be crazy for me, but I’m good on Thursday or Friday…”
As casual as this sounds, it goes a long way in forming the proper impression in his head. He’ll learn to take your own plans into consideration without you sounding pushy or playing “hard to get”.
Side note: be honest with him – and with yourself. Make sure you really do have plans on those days, and not just making stuff up just to look busy.
Otherwise, it could backfire on you when sees through the ruse.
#2: Stop Dissecting His Texts (For Your Own Peace of Mind)
Don’t sift through his messages and emails to you. Resist the temptation to take apart every word he said on your last date. That’s the path to madness.
Instead, chill out and pay attention to his general behavior instead. Are his actions CONSISTENT with his words?
Picture this: he told you that he’ll come over for the five-course dinner you made for him, but then he bails on short notice with the lamest of excuses.
When he does this on a REGULAR basis, what that does that tell you?
It’s easy to overlook this stuff when you’re caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new. But if you want to know what his intentions are, keep one eye on what he does - and NOT what he says.
If all signs point to the fact that he isn’t really interested in a relationship, it’s time to stop encouraging the wrong behavior from him.
The classic mistake is to give Mr. No-Show the impression that you’re fine with being treated like a last-minute option instead of a priority. And when that happens, he’ll naturally think it’s ok to be lazy and stick to the “status quo”.
And it blows my mind when some women wonder why men act this way. They don’t realize that they’re enabling the very behavior they hate in guys!
#3: Stop Running After Him
If you’ve realized that he’s not being straight with you, the worst thing you could do is STILL go after him.
It’s like telling him, “You’ve been treating me like crap but I don’t mind coming back for more.”
To reverse this pattern, you’ll have to hit the brakes on his behavior – in a sassy way.
Scale back a bit. Don’t make the initiative to contact him – let him wonder what you’re up to.
Don’t spend more than a quarter of an hour waiting for him if he’s chronically late – just leave and make other plans.
When he calls to ask where you are, tell him, “I had to go since you weren’t there – maybe we can reschedule if I’m not too busy next week.”
Don’t get into a lecture with him – he’ll just tune it out. But when you respond appropriately to bad behavior (i.e. keep doing your own thing if he’s not going to show up), he’ll take notice and get off his butt.
So when you do these three steps, one of two things might happen:
First, he might stop calling you and disappear for good. That means he’s moved on to someone else.
Trust me, you don’t want to be THAT woman.
Furthermore, NEVER consider it a loss on your part. You simply weeded out someone who wasn’t a good match for you.
The other possibility is that he’ll wise up and stop taking you for granted. When this happens, you’ll notice that he’ll be “on the level” with you, and make plans ahead of time.
He’ll realize that he shouldn’t be wasting your valuable time – or just show up any time he wants to.
And that’s what makes a woman attractive to guys – she marches to her own beat instead of dropping everything the moment he comes along.
Above all, the smart woman doesn’t demand respect – she simply packs up and leaves when she isn’t getting it.
In other words, he’ll realize your value and behave accordingly. Sometimes, you need to pull back a little to show him what life’s like with LESS of you.
On top of making him “see the light” however, there’s another POWERFUL way to kick start his built-in attraction mechanism.
It’s just a matter of pushing the right “button” in his mind (trust me, every guy has one) so he’ll irrevocably decide to choose YOU over the other women in his life.
He’ll experience a surge of strong emotions for you that he can’t shake off, putting him in a “love high” state.
Once you get him like this, he’ll practically have no choice but devote himself to you FOR GOOD.
And the easiest way to do that is with Forever Yours, an online course specifically designed for that purpose. It’s built on the concept of tapping into a guy’s natural ability to commit with the right woman.
You can be THAT woman in his life – click HERE to find out more.
Yours In Perfect Passion...
- Carlos Cavallo
Click here to learn about a crucial tool men need when talking to women.