How To Start a Conversation On Dating Apps

By: Carlos Cavallo

It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it?

After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge time-suck, too. So you gotta know the right questions to ask and what to say!

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Creating attraction and connection using dating apps...

Which app are you using?

  • Tinder?
  • Hinge?
  • Bumble?
  • HER?
  • BLK?
  • The Sauce?
  • Victoria?
  • Thursday?
  • Happn?

I could go on and on with this list. But the truth is that no matter what dating app you're using, your conversation starters are pretty much the same no matter which one.

Let's run through a few quick tips for how to start a conversation on a dating app…

Conversation Tip #1: Use the profile

The best way to connect with someone is always using information you know. Start with his bio, and then look for something about his personality for his interests. The best conversation starter is a question about his life.

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Use the information you do have...

If you need any proof of this, just take a look at your own life. I'm sure you would respond positively to a message asking you about your own life or hobbies.

The beauty of these apps are that a woman has information and material she can use to connect with him. It's all in his profile information that he added.

Starting Conversations - Tip #2: Remember the first impression

Make sure your first message to him is kind and positive. Everyone wants more positive messages coming in these days so make sure to avoid sarcasm and keep your focus on the positive details.

We always remember that first encounter with someone. Make your first impression powerful.

Conversation Tip #3: Use the dog

If you see a picture with him and his dog, call attention to that. Compliment the dog if you can. Even ask what the dog's name is.

If you're a dog owner, you know that you give a positive response to anyone who shows interest in your pet.

Way To Start Conversations Tip #4: Reference something in common

The best thing you can do to start out with is to find something you have in common with him.

Sometimes it's a mention of a show on Netflix. Sometimes it's a book he mentions. Maybe even a song he was listening to on Spotify recently.

24 How To Start a Conversation On Dating Apps

Take every opportunity to point out something you share with him.

Conversation Starts Tip #5: Use every bit of information you possibly can

But it probably goes without saying that you must use every little advantage you can. Which means look for things in his photos, his job, any random quote, ANY topics you can come up with from what you see in his profile.

Be on the alert for anything in his pictures that gives you an idea for conversation openers.

Nothing is off-limits here. And make sure you Google anything you find in his profile that you don't recognize or understand.

Guys will appreciate the effort you put in to starting smart conversations.

Conversation on Dating Sites Tip #6: Remember your first goal - chemistry

if you want this guy to crush on you and feel attraction for you, make sure that is in the back of your mind at all times.

Many women forget that the best way to do this is to make sure the fun starts immediately. That means fun messages, humor you sprinkle in, and demonstrating your confidence.

Staring a Conversation Tip #7: Forgive the pick-up lines

A lot of guys have read from the dating experts and the pickup artists. So he may be a bit transparent with his conversation openers.

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He's trying...

Be forgiving, because most men are very shaky when it comes to dating conversation. The opening line he uses to start chatting you up Is simply because he lacks confidence in himself. He feels under pressure to make something happen. So he might use lame compliments, or some other technique to initiate conversation with you.

Guys find their courage in a known technique. And that's why he might use it on you to get things moving forward. You might roll your eyes at this, but it's not necessary to eliminate him for giving it his best shot.

Initiating a Conversation Tip #8: Remember, everything leads to love

When all is said and done, whatever you had to deal with to just start talking with him will be worth it. You will look back on how you met as an amusing story.

But right now it might seem like there are plenty of reasons to throw in the towel as you trying to start conversations with guys. Don't get caught up in it.

Yeah, it's frustrating. There are hundreds of ways that you guys might fail to make a connection. But don't let one of those ways be pessimism or being in a hurry to quit and tell your friends that it “just didn't work.”

Starting a Conversation Tip #8: Curiosity Is The Start Of A Relationship

The easiest way to start a conversation is using your curiosity. For example, knowing the reason behind a favorite music playlist of The Village People will help you start more conversations on dating apps than sharing a picture of your dessert on Instagram.

Asking him what's on his reading list will generate more banter then hoping he gives you a compliment about the dress you're wearing in your profile.

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Being curious is a great place to start...

Simple cues to trigger fun curiosity are the name of the game when you're getting to know each other...

For example:

  • Find out why he's such a football fanatic, even if you're not a fan
  • Asking him why he switched from snowboarding to skiing
  • Find about why he moved to that city in Texas
  • Asking him why he chose a career in travel
  • Finding out the stories behind a shirt he's wearing in one of the images he posted

There is literally no end to initiating conversations when you plug into your curiosity.

Dating Conversation Starters Tip #9: Take your chances, take a risk

Don't be afraid of sending him an answer that is a little edgy. Take a chance.

It's a greater failure to not awaken his interest then it is to occasionally lose a man's interest by not standing out.

And standing out is what makes a woman seem confident. Yet so few women take this chance.

Starting a Conversation Tip #10: Be prepared with a little copy paste

Hey, if you come up with a few good choices to start dating app conversations, keep them on your phone or on your computer. Ready to copy and paste again if need be.

Why should you constantly have to reinvent the wheel? There are no rules. And you need to keep this online dating conversation stuff from feeling like work, or you will eventually burn out.

02 How To Start a Conversation On Dating Apps

There is no harm in falling back on a few scripted words and answers to help your success rate.

Don't feel like you have to be original every single time. I guarantee you that many guys are also reusing some of their chat thoughts and the occasional comment.

Save your energy for when the relationship starts.

Right now you are strangers.

Go ahead and reuse a sentence here or there, or some of your dialogue. If it makes you feel better, switch a few words around to make you feel more original.

Just having a convenient list of questions to ask will remove a lot of anxiety from your online conversations and texts.

Starting a Conversation Tip #11: Keep It Simple!

When it comes right down to it, we usually overthink these things.

Talking to a friend is always easy. Why? Because we feel our familiarity is established and we have nothing to worry about.

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Relax... And have fun!

But isn't that true of any conversation?

A stranger becomes an acquaintance after only one short conversation. So just keep it simple.

If you're having trouble finding the right thing to say, just use something simple. This is where small talk came from. It gives us an easy way to dig in to the deeper conversation.

After all, we can't start right out talking about deep philosophy and politics right away.

(Actually, I would recommend you never talk about politics until you have a relationship established. But that's another article...)

You can start out a conversation with something like:

  • "Hey, what kind of dog do you have?" (If you saw a dog in his picture)
  • "What do you do to keep busy on Sundays?"
  • "Hey Mark, I'm Denise..."

Sometimes just a simple introduction like that last one is all you need.

Starting a Conversation Tip #12: Get Some History

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What's his story?

One of the easiest things for us to talk about is our past. You can just ask a question about his history to find out more about him and open him up.

  • Where are you from?
  • Where did you grow up?
  • How long have you lived in Boston?

You can ask him where he went to school, what part of the country he grew up in, etc.

Starting a Conversation Tip #13: Avoid compliments

The truth is that compliments are nice, but flattery shouldn't be the way to start your conversation. Some people are very sensitive to this and you could turn them off right away.

Avoid openers like this:

  • You look great in that shirt
  • I bet you work out a lot
  • You're so handsome in that suit

Trust me that you don't want the kind of guy that would respond to immediate flattery. More than likely you'd end up with a closet narcissist.

Starting a Conversation Tip #14: Stay With Common Ground

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What do you have in common?

One of the best ways to have a conversation with a guy is to touch on his hobbies. Ask him about:

  • Movies
  • Netflix shows
  • Video games (if you're into them)
  • Music

Common ground is always effective because it immediately establishes a connection between you and him.

The more you can demonstrate that you have things in common, the more compatible he will feel with you. He will know that it won't just be a shallow relationship.

Which, by the way, is why many men pull away from a relationship. He seems to retreat to a friends with benefits relationship when he doesn't see much more potential than friends between you.

If you'd like to know more ways to create a real connection with a man, you need to know his connection code.

A man's connection code is the specific set of ways that you can reach his heart.

It's like unlocking a combination lock. And each man has a specific way to open up to you.

The good news is, there are a fixed set of "connection codes."

If you'd like to discover these codes, go watch my presentation here...

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Carlos Cavallo's Dating Advice Guru Relationship Tips For Women
Carlos Cavallo - Dating Advice For Women

Carlos Cavallo Dating and Relationship Guru

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