START HERE - RELATIONSHIP GUIDES:
Relationship Tips & Advice
Are you wondering how to make a guy want you and keep him interested?
Sometimes, figuring out how to make a guy want you after you’ve slept with him can be really tricky. Heck, even making a guy want you at all can be hard at times.
Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of the top five steps to making a guy want you – even after you’ve given your all to him.
I’m going to get a lot of guys ticked off here. They’re going to be unhappy with women finding out how men REALLY work. Especially when it comes to attraction and the dance of love.
Most men I know would be much happier to hear that women are FINALLY starting to understand how we feel.
Take this for instance: There’s a holiday song called “Baby It’s Cold Outside.”
Lately, this romantic and fun little Christmas song has come under fire for being kind of … sort of … maybe… a wee bit "rapey." So they recorded a new version that is about the dumbest update of a song I’ve ever heard. They even inserted a line about how he knows “She always has the ability to say no.”
Really? We need to actually SAY that?
Are there men out there who will hear this song and suddenly correct their ways when it comes to sexual consent?
I don’t think so. Those guys don’t need to have any songs written to coddle their childish minds.
Now, my opinion is that this focus on “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is completely ridiculous. The recent wave of “political correctness” is trying to steal every ounce of fun out of life that it can. We’re in over-correction mode, and free speech seems to be on the line as well.
The heart of romance is a certain level of uncertainty...
And uncertainty is where chemistry and romance lives! It's the real secret to making a guy like you.
Consider the kind of world it would be if men were afraid to start conversations – because of their fear of being too “sexually aggressive.” Trust me, you don’t want that kind of world. Because it’s a place where men stop chasing, and that means both sides lose.
Plus, you want men to chase you. Because if he’s investing time and energy into connecting with you, that means he will be that much more attracted to you. But I don’t want to get off on a rant about this. And I also don’t want you thinking I’m in support of some kind of misogynist double standard. I’m all for treating women with respect and civility.
Even AFTER you sleep with him.
Because you never know… you might need this sometimes. And, I want you to enjoy a life where men desire and want you, and you don’t have to run around chasing HIM.
Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes, these things just don’t work out, and it’s nobody’s fault. So even if this doesn’t do much for this guy, it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. All it means is that this guy wasn’t meant to stay in your life.
Now – let’s get started with:
There’s a made-up motivational poster that jokes: “It’s only annoying when the guy who approaches you isn’t attractive.”
Which is kinda true. It’s one of those unfair burdens that women have to bear, unfortunately.
Men have the burden of mustering his courage, braving possible rejection, and initiating approaches and conversations. Women have to try to be graceful when some clueless douchey dude decides to talk to you about your day and stare down your blouse.
But it’s one of those things you gotta do!
For one reason, it’s for the team. If you want men to reach out and start those connections, you have to help create a climate that encourages men in this role. Even if they occasionally come across like gorillas in the China shop.
Another reason is that it keeps you positive (mostly) and accepting of men. That in turn reflects in your energy. If a guy senses that you’re already on your guard against the douches, he can – and will – change his mind about trying to start a conversation.
The “nice” guys you want are usually skittish about approaching and initiating contact with women.
Hey, these days, can you blame them?
When it comes to your interest, being too coy will work against you. BIG TIME.
Because this new social climate has already left men very ambivalent about reaching out to say hello and talk to you. If he encounters an ounce of discouragement, he’s going to interpret that as “NO MEANS NO!” and walk away.
Guys aren't permitted to be persistent and overcome your challenges the way they once did. But more importantly is that you have to show up front that you’re not into game playing. Guys see through this behavior, and any kind of game playing will turn him off right from the start.
Then he will wait and talk to the next woman who has open energy.
Remember another side benefit of him chasing you is that you get to see how much confidence he has. So after you’ve “done the deed” with your guy, don’t suddenly change your attitude and start playing hard-to-get. When he texts you or calls you the next day, answer.
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, but don’t resort to trickery to get him to stay connected.
This phrase was burned into my brain since I first heard it from a woman I worked with back in the 90s. All the women in the room were giving their advice to one who was about to get married. And my friend simply said, “Stay Sexy.” It took me a while to completely GET what she was saying.
But when I did, her words haunted me.
So after you spend the night that first time, work to keep up some of the mystique. Work to let him know that he’s valued. Because a man interprets the effort you put into looking good as the amount of desire you feel for him.
One of the most important things to do when you want to keep a guy interested is to always stay sexy and mysterious.
It means that you should always try to look your best for him, without him noticing that you’ve put much effort into your appearance. Show him your best side and focus on your attributes. It is also important to be attractive to him on a daily basis, even outside the bedroom. Make sure you are always dressed your best, without revealing too much.
Make eye contact with him. This will help you stay mysterious a little bit, without putting all your cards on the table, and it will make him wonder what is underneath your clothes.
It is important that you don’t give off the impression that you are trying too hard to be perfect, so make sure to show your body off without being too flashy or vulgar.
When you are around him, always wear the same perfume. It will make him remember your scent, and it will be something that will always remind you of him. It is important for you to always smell good around this guy, but it is also important that you don’t exaggerate with an aggressive fragrance.
Always smile for this guy, and flirt with him on every occasion. Touch him unexpectedly and casually, but don’t throw yourself at him.
This way, you will make him desire you more on every occasion he sees you.
And, if you “let your hair down” too early, he’ll think he’s got this all wrapped up. No need to work to win you over! And that’s not the message you want him to hear.
I know this is hard to resist because sex usually makes us want to bond and want to be romantic. The release of oxytocin has a powerful effect on you…and yes, on him as well.
But it’s very important that you let him experience his love rush on his own terms and NOT try to discuss commitment or anything stressful.
For now, bask in the afterglow. A bit of hugging, physical intimacy, and cuddling is fine. There’s no reason to be cold and rush off prematurely.
But when it’s time to go, it’s time to go. And you leave first.
So when you’re enjoying that morning after, bask in the afterglow. Don’t immediately hop onto social media. Spend that time cuddling to build up some real connection with him. But eventually, cut it off and send him home. That will give him the kick in the butt he needs to resume the chase again.
She tries to keep him around too long after that first night of fun.
You have to know when to boot him for his own good. Nudging him back out sends a good message: That you both had a great time, and now he needs to get back to work winning you over ALL OVER AGAIN.
It tells him you’re not needy. And you’re not going to try and swindle him into a commitment just because you got down and dirty. Be nice, but make sure there’s a boundary on the good times. No guilty feelings, and definitely no shame on your part. Nothing but respect.
And if you’re saying, “Carlos, that sounds like game playing. Didn’t you just say to not do that?”
Game playing would be if you did this solely to manipulate his emotions. But you’re not that kind of woman, right? You’ve got a life. You’ve got things to do, places to go, people to see.
Continuing on, you must not tip him off that you want him more than he wants you—or else, frankly, you’ll give him a big head.
This means that you should intentionally stay busy in life, and avoid texting him first, calling him or arranging for another date. This gives the impression he wants you more than you want him. You can reward him for persistently reaching out for your attention, but not a second too soon. He texts / calls first.
This makes him realize what a great date he had with you, and how he may never experience anything like it again…until he tries. By being unavailable, you let him soak in all the “oxytocin” love drug, and let him figure out that he likes you well beyond just sex.
I personally advocate the “I like you but…” scenario. You can’t let a guy know that you want him more than he wants you. But at the same time, you want to reward him for effort, right?
This gives him a challenge. It lets him know that you are sexually attracted to him, maybe even compatible with him, but…
There’s always a but! (And this drives him a little crazy)
BUT he needs to show that he’s committed to you and really wants to work hard to chase you and keep your attention. You reward him based only on the attention he gives you. When he slacks off, you get bored and you stop reacting.
This sends a strong message—you had a great time with him, BUT…
BUT now life moves on!
What does he really want from you? Believe me, this attitude is what pushes a guy’s buttons and what makes them eventually “kneel” for your approval, if you get my drift.
Another big mistake that I see women making is that – in their efforts to reconnect with him – they do want him to chase… but then she starts chasing him as quickly as she possibly can. The morning after, she’s already on her phone, sending texts to soothe her insecure fears.
“Hey, whatcha doing?” Or “What’s up?”
And guys know what that’s all about. We know you’re fishing for a little “are we okay?” feedback.
Yeah, we know you don’t want to get married instantly, but we also don’t want that weird pressure. You gotta LET a man have the room to miss you before he will chase you. Even if it takes weeks for him to figure out that he’s missing out on a good thing.
Because you can’t MAKE him realize that. It’s something he has to come to all on his own. I don’t care how terrific the sex was. He needs you to trust him to reach out if he’s going to continue the chase. And the funny part is that he WILL keep up the chase if he senses that you’re just fine without him.
Funny how that works, huh? Match him text for text. Don’t send a message unless he sends one – and don’t volunteer more information than he asks. Leave that until he asks you out again.
You don’t have to be cold or distant, just don’t go out of your way to get in contact first. Don’t chase!
Make yourself unavailable, stop reaching out, and WHAM! Suddenly he’s reaching out to you, asking what you’re doing this weekend. There’s a lot of confidence and power in this method – not to mention self-respect.
And if you’re wondering, “But Carlos – what if he never calls?”
Then he was never that into you to begin with!
And if he responded to your chasing, you would have been chasing him until he finally dumped you.
So it’s better this way. It’s a statement of self-respect that you can’t afford to NOT make.
Most men don’t like to receive pressure; they just like dishing it out. Guys also have the power to see pressure when it’s really not there. Just don’t make him think or feel like he’s pressured.
By acting casually and making sure there isn’t any pressure, that’s often enough to make the guy want to see you again. He will come running into your arms if you let him, and if he doesn’t, who cares, right?
Look, being irresistible is about tipping the scales of power just enough in your favor. We want to know that we’ve “got” you – yet we also want a WOMAN, not a mouse. Guys are weird that way, I know.
More than ever, men know you’re your own person and don’t have to rely on anyone for a sense of self-worth.
Believe me, the quality guys out there don’t want a pushover. We WANT to feel that resistance from you. Your inability to take crap from anyone is what turns us on. At the same time though, the fact that you’re ALLOWING yourself to be vulnerable around us is JUST as tantalizing.
When men fall in love with someone new, our first impulse is to do whatever it takes to make this person like us more, and that is completely natural.
But you shouldn’t change yourself for anyone, let alone for a guy you’ve just slept with. Whenever you are starting a new relationship, you need to make sure to keep your integrity and to keep your personality intact.
I know you want this guy to like you, but you can’t be too desperate, and you can’t show him that.
Instead, the best way to attract someone is to be yourself. I know this is a phrase you’ve probably heard a thousand times, but it really is the truth. If you decide to pretend you are someone you are not, trust me—he will feel it, and he will see it as a chance to manipulate you.
Besides, by changing yourself, you are only showing him your insecurities and lack of confidence, and that is never attractive.
Remember that being your authentic self is always better than pretending to be someone else.
Show him that you know who you are, what you want, and that you are not ready to change your ways and your attitudes for him or for anyone else. This will make him respect you and want you even more.
So what you really need is to strike that balance between nice and sexy. And what we’ve covered today is your introduction to that – but only one part of the picture. If you want to wield the TRUE power of your irresistibility, here’s a short video I made that teaches you how to be worshiped and adored by your guy – or any guy for that matter.
No, I’m not exaggerating.
My free presentation talks about my friend Aimee who managed to turn her love life around after being dumped for another woman. Brutal stuff, really.
This was the man she had spent years with. But none of that mattered when he suddenly walked out on her and their relationship. However, she bounced back from her miserable situation and found the love of her life.
She used the secrets in my Passion Phrases course and rediscovered the power that ALL women have. It helped her blast away all her innermost fears and insecurities… You know what I’m talking about – it’s that voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough.
But being irresistible means doing away with all of that FOR GOOD – and I’ll show you how she got him obsessed with having her again…
If you want to find out how she changed her “Forever Alone” status to “Forever Blissful”, click here to check out my video now. It’s the key to renewing your self-confidence and turning into an unstoppable force of attraction.