How to KNOW If a Guy Likes You – 11 Signs to Tell for Sure
By: Carlos Cavallo
One of the hardest things to figure out is how to know if a guy likes you.
What are his intentions? Did that hot co-worker of yours chat you up this morning because he thinks you’re girlfriend material?
Feel like "mind-reading"?
Or was it all in your head?
Who knows, maybe he’s just a people person and it’s second nature for him to strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
So now you don’t know if you should flirt with him… or just keep your head down any say nothing. That’s not a good position to be in, is it?
It’s that uncertainty that drives women up the wall with anxiety. You wouldn’t risk your pride and “reveal your hand” to a guy who doesn’t have feelings for you after all. The thought is just too painful – and embarrassing.
If it’s any relief, guys are in the SAME position too when it comes to approaching the women we like. For us, it’s also a 50/50 deal; one wrong move could mean getting shot down in flames.
The truth is that we’re scared of hitting on a girl and revealing our true feelings only to look like an idiot in the end.
A lot of times, dating is like skating on thin ice, so we need to watch our step.
However, there is a way to deduce a guy’s behavior and get a good idea of his internal state. And in a lot of cases, he doesn’t have to say much to tell you that he does, in fact, have the hots for you. Body language is the great equalizer.
If you want to know what a guy really thinks about you pay attention to his body language. The signals we give off in our face and our posture always tell the TRUTH when it comes to what a person is thinking or feeling.
The next time you’re around this man, observe what he’s communicating with body language.
But don’t expect him to do the same things you do with your body when you’re attracted to someone. Men have their own way of giving off evidence that they’re interested.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. If you think about it, the eyes are also a direct path to a man’s heart. Guys are notoriously bad about eye contact.
Yes, we tend to stare sometimes. Even to the point of being a bit creepy. What is it with men, anyway? Well, first off – guys are visual creatures.
This is also probably not news to you. Men have a heightened visual focus because throughout the hundreds of thousands of years we’ve evolved, man’s greatest survival skill was seeing and recognizing threats with our eyes.
It's all in his eyes...
If we missed that signal – we were not going to get a chance to procreate and make babies with that same visual ability. It’s the evolutionary momentum in action…
This visual ability also shows up in our search for a mate. Men could tell everything they (initially) needed to know about a woman by taking her in visually.
Some of those visual mating cues are:
Luster and sheen of your hair
Whiteness and clarity of your eyes
Fullness of hips & breasts
These were fast signals to a man-brain that you were healthy enough to bear children (Yes, a man’s FIRST concern about a woman is if he can have healthy children with you. Not JUST the sex…).
So as early as we can, we’re going to look at you. Drink you in with our eyes… Because if we’re attracted to you, we gotta know what we’re getting into before we start actively courting you.
And when a guy sees a woman that strikes his fancy, he’s going to find it damn irresistible to look at you over and over. Taking in all the detail of your face and body.
If you catch him stealing glances at you, there’s definitely some interest there.
He’ll also probably hold your gaze a little longer than you might find comfortable. It’s probably not the “creep” part of him – it’s the wow-struck part of him. Eye contact is one of the most important things to notice about a guy.
Many guys will try to secretly look at you when he thinks you’re not watching – so if you catch him looking away when you glance over at him, that’s a good sign!
More assured and confident guys will actually make and hold eye contact. It’s true. If you want to “test out” whether he’s attracted to you, try this: Look over his face for around 3 to 4 seconds (don’t make it awkward and hold it too long!) and then look away.
After a second, look back at him – if he holds eye contact with you he’s definitely interested. If he glances towards your mouth he’s REALLY interested. However, if he breaks eye contact and looks away, he’s probably not into you.
If you catch him looking left, then looking right at your face, then looking right – congratulations, he’s very attracted to you. But be careful – don’t confuse a shy guy’s reluctance to make eye contact with a disinterested guy’s. If he’s shy but attracted, he’ll keep looking over at you, you just have to wait and see if he does it.
A man’s eyes can say a lot about what he’s feeling.
You should feel a brightness or alertness in his eyes when you look at him, and when you speak he’s always paying attention. He stays off his phone – A big sign that a guy likes you in modern times is how often he’s on his phone when he’s around you.
We all know smartphones are the ultimate anxiety reliever in a bad situation, so if you see him doing everything in his power to stay looking at his phone that’s a bad sign. When a guy is interested in someone he will pay close attention, and even avoid looking at his phone when he needs to. If you see him ignoring his phone when you’re around that’s a good sign that he likes you.
So watch for the expressiveness of his eyes to tell you what he’s thinking.
– Glance, then look away quickly?
It’s most likely that he’s shy and doesn’t want to risk rejection. These days, a lot of guys lack the cajones to give you that smoldering sexy stare from old black & white movies. But he’s probably working up his nerve.
Don’t check in on him too much, but make yourself look approachable. In any case, there’s a high possibility of interest on his part – and that he likes you. But he’s facing that unique dilemma of trying to figure out just the right thing to say.
You see, guys want to use the “magic words” that will make you fall for him almost instantly. What they don’t know is that you’ll respond to pretty much anything as long as he doesn’t come across like a douchebag. Now, when you see his eyes when he’s talking to you, here’s what you want to see:
– He gazes long and hard – and you notice his pupils look dilated. You might even notice that his eyes sparkle a bit. These are all strong indicators that he likes what he sees.
The pupil dilation is an automatic response that gives away his interest as well. And of course, if he’s looking at you with “bedroom eyes“, that’s a sure fire indication of interest as well.
He's Interested Sign #2: Is he protecting your space?
This is an excellent sign that he not only likes you, but cares for you as well. All men have that built-in need to look out for the people close to them, and they’ll exhibit this in a number of ways. Do you notice him leaning into your “personal bubble” when there’s a potential “threat” nearby?
He's your own personal bodyguard...
Maybe you’re at a place packed with people (like a concert or some equally crowded event), and he’s using his body to keep you from colliding into the sea of humanity around you.
When you’re out to dinner (or even a casual coffee lunch date) with him, does he open the door for you? Does he sort of clear a path to your table and guide you to your seat?
These are the signs you also need to be on the lookout for. It means his guardian instincts are kicking in when you’re around him, and that’s a GOOD thing. Guys have a streak of possessiveness in them, just like women.
We want to keep our investment safe. If a guy wants to invest his heart and time and energy into you, he wants to know that you don’t already have a boyfriend or that you’re interested in another guy.
You’ll hear this in the questions he asks you…
“So, uh, what’s your boyfriend think about that?”
This is clearly his way of finding out if you’re in a relationship. Do him a favor and be clear with your answer, don’t dance with it. Let him know your status so he gets a clear “Move Forward!” message.
“So who’s that guy that called you?”
Yep, he’s really asking “Are you sleeping with him? Dating him? Do I have to worry about you picking him over me?” Just like when you ask him the same sort of question.
You get the point…
He’ll ask you questions that are trial balloons, hoping that you’ll clarify your interest in that “other guy.” And then maybe you will hint about your interest in HIM. He might even seem to get a little cold or distant for no reason in these early interactions.
He’s probably not rejecting you in those moments. He’s just trying to work out some confusing feelings of jealousy he might have. So, if you see a little green-eyed monster show up, that’s a big clue he likes you.
Ok, this is pretty obvious, but surprisingly a lot of my female clients and good friends miss this one. It’s not that they’re oblivious to it, though. A lot of times, they’re subconsciously denying the possibility, or downplaying this sign because it’s “too good to be true.”
And I always tell them that for most men, going out of their way to touch a lady as a HUGE barrier to breach. Some guys of course, will cross this boundary at an inappropriate time (i.e. your garden variety jerk at the subway, etc.), but this is more of an exception than the rule.
For the men you do know, they will have carefully considered the ramifications of making physical contact before doing it.
And that means your guy is probably attracted to you if he happens to touch you during an appropriate situation.
For instance, you might notice him touching your arm when he’s trying to highlight a point during the conversation. Maybe you’re goofing around and he mock punches you in the arm or shoulder.
These are signs of him testing the waters, so to speak. He’s trying to feel you out and see how comfortable you are around him. In a lot of ways, this also goes hand in hand with the last sign.
You can bet he’s getting those tingles when he has his arm around you to protect you from the big, bad world.
You can also think of it as him “marking his territory” and to keep “predators” at bay. Not that he’s actually claiming any sort of ownership over you, but it’s more of a guy’s way of showing he cares (protective instincts, remember?).
As far as him touching you, don’t look for a pervy upper thigh caress. He’s more respectful and subtle than that. He might touch your lower back as you pass through a door he opened for you.
He might tell you there’s a loose eyelash on your cheek and “remove” it. He might press his leg against yours under the table. These touches aren’t blatant, but they’re still communicating plenty about his feelings for you.
Play up to the whole touch thing.
Squeeze his shoulders if he says they’re tight. Touch his arm and ask how often he works out. Touch = confidence for men, so give him a healthy dose!
Any man who makes up an excuse for you to touch him does it because he’s attracted to you. If he was stuck in the friend zone, he wouldn’t make any move to touch you or invite you to touch him because he’d be worried you’d misread his signals. But this guy?
He’s putting out those signals specifically so you’ll read them correctly!
Attraction Alert Sign #4: Watch his smile
Not all smiles are created equal, and him flashing his pearly whites may or may not be the sign you’re looking for. Here are a few ways to tell that his smile has a more-than-friends ring to it:
He lights up when you're around.
– Do his eyes have that special twinkle that you won’t find in your average grin? A guy who has it bad for you will go the extra mile by putting all his facial muscles to work. That means you’ll see his teeth AND his eyes will squint ever so slightly.
– Is he doing it a lot? If he’s feeling it, your guy will naturally jump on the next chance to give you that sweet smile. One thing I often notice is how men smile just a little too long when they share a moment with their lady, or laugh with her over a private joke.
– His smile is basically giving off this “I’m really stoked to be with you” vibe and his face can’t help but show it. A man who’s genuinely happy to be in your presence will manifest his emotions in one way or another – his face included.
He’s digging you signal #5: His animated and expressive body language
If your guy’s feeling those sparks, he’ll have a kind of energy and excitement that’s palpable. And you’re likely to see this in the way he moves. First off, check out his hands.
When a man’s around someone he’s attracted to, he’ll express his energy through his hand gestures. As he goes through the points he wants to get across, his hands will be moving around during the conversation.
Then, check out his shoulders and torso.
Men draw a lot of their masculine posture from these two areas, so he’ll angle these in your direction if he wants you to notice him. Not only does he want you to take in his manly frame, there’s also a sexual undercurrent going on here.
Facing his torso – and consequently, his hips – is him telling you he’s not interested in anything platonic.
More importantly, your guy is going to be agreeable to your opinions and thoughts in the conversation. He’ll be more than willing to see things from your perspective, and his body language will reflect this state of mind. That means his gestures will be more empathic than other guys, such as the way he nods while agreeing with you.
“I’m so into you” Sign #6: He’s trying to mimic you
You know how some people just seem to be on the same page? You’ve probably experienced this yourself, but can’t put your finger on why this happens. Well, body language is a big (but not so obvious) part of this.
He mirrors your actions and words...
A very good subconscious sign to look for is if he’s mirroring your actions back at you. This is often an unconscious tell that people have that they’re interested in someone – he won’t even know he’s doing it.
If you make a gesture, and then notice he makes the same gesture soon after, it means he’s probably interested in you. You just need to develop an eye for it.
A great way to let him know you’re interested too is to copy his actions as well! Touch your face after he touches his, smooth your hair when he smooths his, and so on. This one is kind of obvious – but if he follows you around, he wants to be close to you and therefore he’s interested in you.
If he sits down at the same table as you for lunch, or follows you to the break room at work, he wants to be closer to you.
If your guy is imitating the way you stand or sit, you can bet that he’s trying to get in your good graces. That goes double if the rhythm of your breathing is the same as his. Take it as a sign that he wants to make you feel that you’re two peas in a pod and that he’s a good match for you.
He doesn’t want to be “just friends” Sign #7: He’s fidgety as heck
One thing many people miss about romance is how we can act in strangely contrary ways. One of those ways is avoiding eye contact where we once couldn’t stop making it before. It comes up when we become self-conscious.
And we don’t become self-conscious unless we care about what others think about us. Get it…? Does he “flip-flop” when it comes to you?
So if he starts being oddly shy and awkward on you, there’s a good chance he’s feeling like he needs to bust a move on you. (Does anyone even use that term anymore? ‘Bust a move‘? I’m SO 1992.)
Look for the weird flip-flops in his behavior. They can tell you how he’s starting to fall in like with you. Remember that energy I was talking about? There’s also another kind that you need to look out for, which is a little anxiety on his part. A guy who’s interested will be feeling that uncertainty that puts him on edge.
Your approval is a HUGE deal to him, so his mind will be racing with thoughts like “Oh man, I hope she likes me…” And again, his body language will betray his true feelings. So one way to tell if a guy likes you is if he can’t seem to stay put.
He’ll be fidgety and his hands will try to expend this nervous energy. I know this is off-putting to some women because it makes them uneasy. For instance, they’ve told me how guys ram their straws into their drinks at a bar or keep playing with their napkins or silverware during dinner.
He likes you More Than “Just” a Friend Sign #8: He’s different around you…
When a guy likes you, he might start behaving differently towards you, ESPECIALLY in a group. If he starts acting “protective” towards you, like shifting himself closer to you in any seating arrangement, or putting his arm around the back of your chair, it’s a sign that he’s interested. When a guy likes you, it’s an extremely abnormal feeling for a man, so he should show signs that he is totally different when he’s around you.
He will go out of his way and do things for you that he wouldn’t do for anyone else. It always seems like he’s there to help out when you need him, and he’s always in a good mood.
I always say you can tell how much someone likes you by the amount of effort they are willing to exert for you.
Because you're special to him...
When a guy is head over heels for a girl he will do just about anything for her. Helping her with homework, or giving her a ride is a pleasure, not a chore.
One of the easiest signals to read is whether or not he seems to be treating you differently than his other female friends. Now, of course the best way to do this is to get around him and his female friends, which is pretty scary if you think about it. You’re putting yourself right in the thick of the Jealousy Monster’s lair.
But if you can keep your cool, it’s the fastest way to see if there’s something more about how he attends to you than the other women in his life.
One interesting tactic that some guys use is to start flirting with OTHER girls when they’re actually interested in you.
A guy will do this when he wants to see your reaction to him flirting with other women – so that he can tell whether YOU like HIM .
It’s pretty easy to spot this tactic though – watch him when he’s flirting with another girl. If he keeps trying to sneak peeks at you to check your response, you can be reasonably confident that he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you.
Try leaving to go to the bathroom or get something from outside, then see if you can find a sneaky observation point to watch him. If he stops flirting with her when you leave the room, that’s a dead giveaway that he’s just trying to see what you’ll do.
Ultimately, you have to trust your gut on this one. If your instincts are telling you something’s up, chances are they are. Guys are terrible at hiding their interest.
So if you see the signs, you can take it as a signal that you want to give him a “come closer” vibe.
Some of the other ways a guy can be “different” are:
Makes you more of a priority…
Spends more time focused on you than others…
Speaks to you in a different tone/emotional state than others…
Watch His Friends Closely! Sign #9: He introduces you to the important people in his life
Listen carefully for how he introduces you or refers to you in a group. Chances are, if he’s got feelings for you, he’s not going to say, “My friend [name].” That’s because in his head he’s thinking about you as more than a friend, and it doesn’t feel right to him to say that you’re just his friend.
You're part of his world.
If he’s interested in you, he might have told his friends. Or, they might have guessed it from him in the first place. If he’s introducing you to his friends to begin with that’s a big sign he is interested in you.
He will begin to integrate you with the people he cares the most about. When you’re around him and his friends, watch his friends closely. For example, if they start making subtle jokes and making fun of him, and the jest is that he’s interested in you – then he probably likes you!
Watch his friends when you’re with him. Do they smile when they see you? Do they smirk at him when you walk into the room – like they know something you don’t?
Has he mentioned you to his family or have you heard from other people close to him that he mentions you? If he’s doing any of these things it’s a sign he likes you. One thing to avoid here – watch out if one of his friends tells you he likes you when you haven’t gotten that vibe from him at all.
His friend might be looking out for himself – to your detriment!
Does He Tease You? Sign #10: Flirtation… Hello Middle School
This one falls under the category of “weirdly opposite to what you think…” But we all do this one. It’s how we started flirting on the playground when we were kids. You liked some kid, and then you went over and proceeded to tell him he was a “Stinky butt.” And you walked away.
Oddly psycho if you think about it, but it does make sense. It’s a kid’s safest way to express interest without risking too much vulnerability.
You put it out there, with a built in “take back” if he doesn’t respond with his own weird way of showing his interest. You provoke him to play with you, and you can always say you were serious about that stinky butt thing if he doesn’t like you back. AND – it’s kind of a reverse psychology thing. “I don’t want you to like me!
Don’t do it! Don’t develop any kind of romantic feelings for me.” Ah, kids. If this guy you’re with right now gives you a hard time, joking and teasing you to the point where you find yourself slapping him on the arm and saying, “Stop!”
THAT’S AMORE! Yeah, you know what I mean.
What’s That You Said? Sign #11: What He’s Saying...
When you’re around a man that you like, you may be so nervous that you don’t really pay attention to what he says…but you should. Beyond it just being common courtesy to listen to the person who’s talking, what he’s saying can let you know that he’s head over heels for you. Wow, that dress looks amazing on you!
Does he tell you that you look nice or otherwise compliment you? Pay attention! It’s all too easy for women to brush off compliments (the whole this old thing? response when a guy tells you he likes your dress is sooo overdone), but just stop for a moment.
Hear the compliment. Accept it and say thanks. Now obsess in your head as to what that means.
You’ll have to trust me on this: men do not compliment women they’re not into (unless it’s their mom). If he’s complimenting you, it’s because he’s paying attention. If he’s paying attention, he’s clearly interested.
Yea, I like volunteering with sick kids in my spare time…
Also, notice whether he toots his own horn a bit. It could be because he wants you to notice him and his general awesomeness. Now, there’s a fine line between a guy just trying to get you to know a few cool things about him and him being a total narcissist, so use your judgment here to decide which he is.
Ah cool, I’m really into acro-yoga too!
Wise up, girl! This man is trying to show you that you have things in common. The Similarity-Attraction Theory says that rather than opposites attracting, often its similarities that do, so if this man is pointing out all that you have in common, it’s for good reason: because he’s attracted to you!
Yea, I’m not doing anything this weekend…
Um, hello? Most people wouldn’t own up to having a blank calendar, so clearly he’s letting you know he’s available to go out. He might be unsure if you’re interested in him, so he hasn’t pulled the trigger to formally ask you out.
So, what are you waiting for?? You’re a Sexy, Confident Lady so you can do the asking.
But if you’re into him, try cutting him a little slack. He just feels that there’s a lot riding on this one, so your guy is just trying to alleviate that anxiety. These are all important signals to find out if a guy likes you, so keep them in mind the next time around.
You’ll find these to be handy in feeling him out and figuring out your next move. However, you might be interested in taking things to the next level when it comes to reading his signals.
While these signs we talked about are essential, there are plenty other subtleties that will give you an even CLEARER picture into a guy’s mind.
In the dating game, you’re better off upgrading your man-reading skills to know a guy inside-out right from the start. That way, you can quickly find out if you should just be friends with him and move on – or treat him as a Potential Soulmate.
Very frequently women peruse these lists of love signals because they’re insecure about where they stand with a guy. She wants some reassurance that he’s into her, mostly because she can’t handle too much uncertainty – AND because she never really learned to trust her own instincts.
Women often go looking for lists of “how to know if he’s in love with you” because they know they’re just looking for a little hope.
You can ALWAYS find a sign that he loves you – or is falling in love with you – if you look hard enough. But honestly, you don’t need signs to guide you. The women who really get men – I mean understand guys – as well as GET the man she wants, these women KNOW men.
It’s on a whole other level. They know how men think, how they act, how they feel, and what they respond to. Most women will never take the time to discover these secrets.
It used to be that your mom would educate you about men, but that’s rapidly disappearing as more and more women date, get married, have kids, and get divorced all by the time they’re 30 – or older! Most women these days have missed out on the most vital education of all – the understanding of how men work!
Do you know what men really mean when they say: “I’d like to call you again…” – but he doesn’t call you again?
Do you know what a guy wants when he says he: “Likes things the way they are…” ?
Do you know what he wants you to say when he asks to come in for a drink? (HINT: It’s NOT “yes”!)
Do you know how a guy decides he’s going to commit to you?
At a certain point, you need to stop hoping to see obscure signals of a man’s love for you and simply discover the simple truth about how men connect and commit to a relationship. Do you know how men handle this?
Do you know what to do when he is falling in love with you so that you don’t miss any other signals from him?
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