"How Compatible Are We?" - Find Out If He's Right For You!
By: Carlos Cavallo
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we?
Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just a moment.)
Which one is The One?
Your personality, your interests, and so many other qualities can be used to figure out whether you and your significant other are compatible with each other.
You've probably been told that compatibility is one of the most important things in a relationship. But there's lots of stuff that will tell you what really makes a love connection work.
And there are some unexpected signs that you might miss.
First let's clear up some myths:
MYTH 1: If you have too many differences, you're not compatible
This one is very misleading. The fact is that you do need some differences or you run the risk of being too much like each other.
Relationship compatibility needs two people who are willing to work with one another. Inevitably, you will have conflict in your relationships. What's more important is how you handle your arguments and disagreements.
MYTH 2: You might have to change to be compatible
Again, this is false. If you are changing your habits and behaviors to match your partner, or to save your marriage in some way, this is a disaster waiting to happen.
Part of the reason that opposites attract is because we want to connect with someone different from ourselves. Our level of attraction is in direct proportion to how unique this person is.
Keep in mind that anything you change just to match him becomes something that turns boring later on. You can never sacrifice your unique individual qualities and characteristics just to seem more "compatible" with him.
Keep this in mind when you answer the questions on the compatibility quiz.
MYTH 3: How compatible you are means: how many things you both like
While you should like some things in common, you also want some variety and diversity in your interests.
The truth is that happy couples don’t always have as much in common as you might think.
Research findings show that the happiest couples have some different interests that they do while NOT together.
Happiness is the spice of life!
Being in a happy relationship is a function of how much effort and focus you put on it, not on the relatively "easy" situation of just being alike.
Which makes sense, if you think about it. Most people rely too much on the easy part - simply liking the same things. Anyone can match in that way.
The HARD PART is being willing to WORK on the relationship when things are difficult. That's the true test of "compatibility!"
Unhappy couples often blame "incompatibility" for their relationship dissatisfaction. They put a high value on 'similarity,' as if being more alike would fix their troubles.
When we blame incompatibility, that's shorthand for "I lost the will to work through the really tough stuff." Many times, this also means "I just found it easier to find a new person."
MYTH 4: In order to be compatible, your personalities must be the same.
Another mistake people make about how compatible you are is thinking that you must have the same opinions and beliefs. While this certainly helps, you can't match everything.
And when you consider that we often change our opinions later in life, you get a new perspective on the important factors that make up a couple.
Your personalities should be compatible - but not the same!
MYTH 5: You need to be compatible in bed.
Many people believe that you have to be compatible with sex.
But what does this even mean?
The fact is that if you are truly in love with each other and connected in your hearts, you will find compatibility in the bedroom. You'll work things out.
You'll simply have the desire and the motivation to meet your partner's needs.
MYTH 6: Your zodiac signs must be compatible.
Bottom line: You can't tell what compatibility you have with your boyfriend from his birthday, or the position of the stars.
Yes, checking your astrological charts can be fun, but the best focus is on the day-to-day real issues of your relationship. Unfortunately it's always easier to - again - blame stuff we can't control so that we don't have to work on the things we DO control.
Be sure to spend most of your attention looking at his willingness to meet you halfway rather than whether or not he's a 'Taurus' or Libra man.
MYTH 7: When you're compatible, you don't argue.
This is one of the biggest mistakes people make about compatibility. Instead of trying to find the right partner for the right reasons, they seek to avoid conflict.
Have healthy respect for one another...
Arguments are a necessary part of relationships. You simply can't avoid them.
And you cause more problems when you try to avoid conflict in your relationships. You also develop a bad habit of not facing your problems!
But what helps make them less frequent and less intense is knowing that you're both on the same team. You look for ways to meet your relationship goals together.
Your arguments will simply be a way to grow CLOSER than ever, when you know what REAL compatibility is!
MYTH 8: To figure out how compatible you are, you should be friends first.
Another big mistake, that tries to remove romantic pressure is a way of making a better relationship. The truth is that if you want a romantic connection, both partners need to start with attraction and desire.
You also have to keep your intuition turned on and not let your feelings run away from you.
If you're the type of person that can't stop from jumping in feet first, there's a good possibility your problem isn't really compatibility. Your problem is more likely controlling your impulses - and fear of loss!
If you're brutally honest with yourself, you may have noticed that anytime you started out as friends first, you lacked the passion and fire necessary to make it a romantic love story.
Okay, so those are some of the myths you should watch out for. There's plenty of them, as you can see.
But now let's shift gears and start to talk about how you CREATE compatibility with your man.
COMPATIBILITY RECIPE 1: Make sure he's got at least a few activities in common with you
It's a good idea to have activities you can share with each other. They don't all have to match, but your guy should be open enough to share in some of your hobbies and interests.
Recipe for love...
Again, it's more important that he's willing than if he appears to instantly match all of your interests. After all, you should have things to share with each other along the way.
Challenge each other to grow together!
COMPATIBILITY RECIPE 2: The stuff you like isn't as important as the values you share
After all, which is more important:
He likes the exact same music / movies you do?
He wants to travel to the same places you do?
He likes to party like you do?
He loves music in general and exploring new groups
He enjoys the novelty of visiting new locations
He enjoys being fun and social
The second group is obviously more important than the first. They reflect more reasonable and realistic compatibility.
It's an attitude that will last through your relationship. Long after the sparkle of infatuation has disappeared.
COMPATIBILITY RECIPE 3: Make sure you're both on board with the money
The most common area of compatibility that splits couples up is their attitude towards money.
If you don't share a similar attitude about your financial situation, it's easy to build up resentment for your partner. Most marriages end because of disagreements around financial decisions.
COMPATIBILITY RECIPE 4: Celebrate each other's freedom
One of the most unlikely areas of compatibility is your individual freedom. The more freedom you feel within your relationship, the more affection and patience you will have.
Freedom within the relationship is especially important for man. Not so that he can step out on you, but so that he can feel his independence. Most women go in the other direction which is why she tends to smother him and scare him away.
Smothering your man is one of those (accidental) mistakes that women make from fear of losing him.
The more trust and space you allow him, the more likely he is to willingly keep pursuing you. The less freedom he has, the more he will doubt his emotions and feelings for you.
COMPATIBILITY RECIPE 5: It's how you complement each other
You're a perfect fit.
Instead of focusing on how many things you share, take a look at how well you fit together.
Do you have the same goals for creating a family together?
You find inspiration from learning from each other? Sharing interesting ideas together?
Is conversation easy between you? A two-way street?
You sense that your partner always has your best interest in mind? They want what's best for you more than almost anything else?
Almost everyone in the world dreams of sharing their future with a person that matches them in some way.
Forget the old rules and instead focus on what really matters in your relationships.
How compatible are YOU?
Would you like to find out?
I've got a weird quiz that can tell you more about your relationship - and whether you're really right for each other.
This quiz works because it looks at YOU and whether you are going to be compatible with most men.
You see, guys are almost universally similar in what they want in a woman. If you understand what he wants, you can be compatible with any guy you want!
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