So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts.
How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all.
He loves me? He loves me not?
You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you met, or the guy that had the courage to at least walk up and talk to you.
You're giving him a chance. Good for you!
But somehow you gotta figure out if this guy likes you or not.
Do you keep working on this romance?
Or do you just let him go and try the next guy?
Well that's what I'm going to explain to you here. As a guy I can show you if he's really interested or if you're wasting your time.
Ultimately that's what this is really all about. You want to be able to figure out what he's thinking and what he's feeling by what he sends to you in texts.
In fact, it's one of the most common questions I get from readers every day. Not just from women but from men, too!
Guys want to know if she's interested based on what she sends him in texts.
I've got some good news and bad news:
The bad news is that this is not an exact science.
The GOOD NEWS is that you can interpret a few things based on what he sends you. And how he sends it to you.
And it really comes down to knowing whether he's interested or he's just being nice and friendly.
That's the trick of this whole thing. Because you don't want to be embarrassed by pursuing a guy who's not really into you.
No one digs rejection. It's not fun and it does nothing for your self-esteem.
The trick of texting is that you have to do your interpreting without seeing his body language or hearing his tone of voice.
Which is a huge obstacle to overcome.
If you listen to other people's advice, you could make a serious mistake.
So first let's cover a few of the texting myths that you will encounter.
TEXTING MYTH 1: He Likes You If He Writes You Long Texts
Sorry to bust this one open, but it's not necessarily true.
He might actually just be bored. And you happen to be a ready, listening ear.
Or he feels particularly emotional about something and you happen to be the person he was texting at the moment.
But the truth is long texts are a good signal if you've known him for a little bit and he's still sending them.
As you know I always advise you that men simply don't like to text all that much. (At least REAL men. These days, there aren't a lot of really masculine men around. So you do the best you can.)
So long texts don't really tell you much.
TEXTING MYTH 2: It's good if he texts you "randomly"
This one can be a good sign, but it's too ambiguous. What is random anyways?
What you're looking for is a pattern. A pattern of him texting you occasionally during the day about random topics. What this pattern shows is that he's trying to make conversation and trying to connect.
But if he just texts you out of the blue every so often during the week, it's hard to pin that down to any meaning.
He could be bored...
He could be just trying to keep you on the hook...
The best signals to interpret from a guy are ones that you received regularly. Random texting isn't a very good signal.
TEXTING MYTH 3: It's good if he texts you when he's drunk
Here is another one of those kind-of random signals.
When a guy is drunk, he can go in one of two directions:
His inhibitions are lowered and now he's trying to express his interest in you.
His inhibitions are lowered and now he's trying to get in bed with you because he's horny.
If you're over the age of 22, chances are you know how to tell these apart. And you probably already received plenty of number two!
Let's get into how to tell if he likes you from his texts.
But first let me say one thing:
If you're watching signals too closely, trying to interpret small signs, you may be TOO afraid of being rejected!
Here's the thing: When it comes to dating and romance, you have to have a little bit of fearlessness.
A guy can tell when you're trying to avoid being rejected. And that is not attractive.
When you are more concerned with avoiding being hurt than you are trying to meet and get to know him, it looks like you have low self-esteem and no self-confidence. And that something a guy will do anything to avoid.
So sometimes you end up creating the rejection you're trying to avoid.
Simply by trying to look for too many signals. You avoid showing your interest, and you just end up looking too scared.
The best thing you can do to improve your success in dating is to let go of your fear. If a guy doesn't like you, so what? That's just him and his opinion. And no strangers opinion of you should matter all that much.
Cultivate your fearlessness when it comes to dating. It will improve your successes.
One more thing you should know is that it's very difficult for guys to approach women now.
The climate between the sexes is not the best it could be. With gender roles in flux all the time, It can be confusing for a guy. Men are very simple when it comes to their sexual response.
Quite honestly if he's texting you at all, you should take that as a positive sign and move forward.
Now - let's start with the generic signals first. These are the signals that are a little more hazy. So you'll need a few of these to make a decision as to whether or not he's really into you.
He Likes You - SIGNAL 1: He tells you he'd rather be with you than text you
Yeah, this one is a huge one. When a guy tells you he'd rather BE there with you, it's pretty damn clear.
Ultimately this should be our goal anyways. Unfortunately, in our fear ridden culture, we've gotten too used to avoiding social contact.
So if he expresses sentiments like: "Sure would be great if we were talking instead of texting!"
"Wish you were here right now" / "Wish I were there right now"
Then you can be pretty sure he's interested.
SIGNAL 3: He's reading your future
Well he's not telling you what's going to happen in the future, but he's telling you what he would be doing when he's there with you.
He thinks about... forever.
When he talks about the things you'll be doing together, he is doing what is called future pacing. He's getting you to buy into the future cool stuff you'll be doing together.
If he does this, he's actually doing two things:
The first is he's expressing his interest.
The second is that he's trying to gauge whether or not you're interested too.
Interesting, huh? You might find yourself with a guy who's also trying to figure out if you're into him at the exact same time!
SIGNAL 4: He Gives You Reasons
One of the most frustrating things a woman can experience is when a guy ghosts her. Or he just doesn't respond in a timely fashion.
When a guy likes you, he will want to manage your perception of him. What this means is: he will explain his behavior to you!
He'll let you know if he can't reply to you right away
He'll tell you why it took him so long to respond
If he has to go run some errands, he'll let you know
A guy who is interested will just demonstrate politeness and courtesy.
As for the other guys ... well if they can't show you that same courtesy, you're not interested.
SIGNAL 5: Emoji's
This one is super obvious. If a guy is using a lot of flirty, goofy emoji's with you, that means he likes you.
Guys typically don't like using emoji's. We prefer straight up texts.
BUT when we are texting a girl that were interested in, we will get more playful and childlike.
As long as he doesn't go crazy with emojis. That would be just a little bit weird.
SIGNAL 6: Questions, Questions, Questions
As a general rule of thumb, if someone is asking questions, that means they are interested.
They're trying to get to know you. They're trying to understand what makes you tick.
He wants to learn more about you...
Curiosity is on the same path as love, as I like to say.
When he's curious about you, he's looking to understand you more. He wants to do a deep dive into your world.
The deeper the questions, the deeper he wants to dive.
These questions should also continue when he's with you in person, but that may not always be the case.
Many men get nervous and start talking about themselves to rid themselves of their anxiety. And you might mistake that for bragging and ego instead of his nervousness.
SIGN 7: He tries to keep the thread going
When you get started on a texting exchange, and something interrupted your conversation, there's a natural desire to pick it back up where you left off.
If you have a fun and flirty text exchange going on, neither one of you is going to want to let the ball drop.
So if you notice him coming back to the same texting subject and continuing the conversation, you've got another huge sign that he wants you.
Especially if this texting session is charged and feels a little naughty.
But even if it's not, when a man tries to keep the conversation going, it's almost always a good sign.
SIGN 8: Weird or Goofy Jokes
One of the first things guy tries to do when he flirts is to get you to laugh. Guys instinctively know that if we can make you chuckle or giggle at something we've said, that's a step in the right direction to seducing you.
Back when we were kids, we would resort to tickling if it came to that. But now that we're older, we have to use more subtle tactics.
So a guy is very likely going to throw some goofy jokes at you to see if he can make you laugh. Of course you can't see or hear each other laugh, so he's waiting on an emoji from you. Or maybe just an OMG.
If you want to encourage him, send him a laughing emoji - maybe the one with tears in its eyes.
SIGN 9: He Compliments You!
This is one of those interesting signs that women get confused about.
When it comes to women, compliments are a double edged sword. The woman that gives it to you might be trying to point something out about you that is slightly negative. I'm sure you've had a few women who give you a weird compliment as a way to be snarky and funny.
He appreciates everything about YOU.
She may even be trying to "kill you with kindness" in a very nasty, bitchy sort of way.
So that leaves you mistrusting compliments when you hear them.
But when a guy complements you, you can take it at face value. He means it if he says it.
Don't second-guess men's compliments. Don't let your self-esteem get in the way of his genuine appreciation of you.
I've seen a lot of women make this mistake. A man compliments her, and she dismisses it because she doesn't want to appear vain or stuck up.
You have to prepare yourself and overcome your knee-jerk reaction.
If you refuse to many of his compliments, he will think you're not interested in him. It's almost like you're not accepting his gifts. And he will simply lose interest and move on because he thinks you must not like him. That's why you're not accepting his gifts.
SIGNAL 10: He's trying to figure out if you have a boyfriend
I think if you're over the age of 20, you should be able to figure this one out on your own.
When a guy is asking questions that probe into whether or not you got a boyfriend, he's obviously trying to find out if you're available.
This one is a no-brainer, let's move on.
SIGNAL 11: He Laughs Back
That's right, if he's giving you laugh emoji's and telling you LOL all the time, that's a signal that he's interested in you.
If you want to test this, tell him a really lame joke. If he still laughs and makes a big deal out of it, you got your answer right there.
SIGNAL 12: You make your own signal!
Hang on this is going to get a little rough...
I could have made this list of signals with 78 different signals. Then you could be interpreting every little thing he says or does until the end of time.
Just do it!
In the end, we gotta drop the high school B.S. If you really want to know if this guy likes you, just ask him!
Enough of this juvenile crap, you've got a life to get on with!
If you want to get the romance you deserve, it's time to be forthright and put your big girl pants on.
Guys don't have a lot of patience for bullsh*t. The more you show that you know this, the better you'll do with him.
And quite honestly, guys are not showing their masculinity these days. There's a lot of pasty-faced chumps out there growing lumberjack beards and trying to make you think they are men.
They're confusing to be around. You might even find yourself wondering if these guys are gay.
You gotta weed these men out quickly.
Don't waste your time on soft, doughy, wimpy men.
There's just too many of them out there right now. You've got to get to the good ones.
That means you gotta have better skills!
In the end, signals aren't going to get you a man. Action is.
The best way you can get him to want you, desire you, and chase you is to flip his Obsession Switch.
A man's obsession switch lies just beneath the surface.
He likes me. He really likes me!
When you meet a man and you know he's a catch, you don't want to lose him. The key to making him stay with you and pursue you and make you feel like a feminine woman is to flip his obsession switch so that he chases you!
And it's as simple as knowing what to say to him.
When you text him, you have to know what to send.
When you talk to him, you have to know what to say
If you're ready to stop playing games and start getting serious about winning the man you love, you need to know how to flip his obsession switch.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]