Is He Just A Friend - Or Is He Interested In You? - 16 Tips!
By: Carlos Cavallo
If you've ever been in love with a guy and wondered: Is he just a friend or is he interested? - you're not alone. When a man and a woman hang out, even if they're only friends, there's always going to be a little bit of sexual tension.
Loves me? Loves me not...?
Many studies have shown that the number one problem between male and female friends is the level of attraction they start to feel for each other. And usually, it can be unbalanced.
Something else they find is that men are more likely to be attracted to their female friends than the other way around. And he is also much more likely to misunderstand how much his female friend likes him back.
The reason is that men will often keep the chance for romance open far longer than a woman would.
Many women can decide in just a few minutes whether a man is a good prospect for a relationship or not. And once he's in the friends bucket he doesn't usually get out.
If you add to this the fact that men are usually the initiators when it comes to romance, you start to see how the gender roles can sometimes get confusing!
Let's talk about which signs are friendships and which signs and which are romance as you figure out is he just a friend or is he interested.
Just friends - Tip #1: It's always a posse
One of the biggest signs that your guy friend is not interested in romance is if he only hangs out with you in a group of friends or coworkers. He might suggest group activities, or parties where there's not a whole lot of chance for you to being alone with each other.
If a guy is into you, he wants to be ONLY with you. He will want you all to himself.
If he's interested in you for romance, it's more likely that he will try to make a group get together turn into a solo get together with you.
But if he avoids any situation alone with you, that's a sign that he's keeping it "just friends."
Just a friend? - Tip #2: He won't touch like YOU touch
When it comes to physical contact, guys have a tough time holding back when it comes to women. You may have experienced this with guys who are a little too handsy with you.
"I wanna hold your hand..."
It's not that he is trying to be a lewd pervert, it's just that guys see beauty and they want to touch it. When a man is attracted to a woman he wants to touch her.
So if you have touched him affectionately, and he has not reciprocated back after that, there's a good chance he's not that interested.
Or he's just incredibly shy and afraid of rejection.
But the fact of the matter is if he isn't willing to overcome his shyness or fear to make a move and initiate, you would not be happy in a relationship with him.
Try to imagine a marriage of 30 years where you have to do everything. Yeah, like that.
You might not want to risk the rejection yourself, in which case now you know what it's like being a guy and having to risk your self-esteem every time you make a move.
Sometimes though, this is the only way to figure it out. You may have to "test the waters."
If he is interested, he will take your approach as being an invitation for him to move forward. So all you have to do is put it out there once.
Is he a friend or more than that - Tip #3: Are you just a dude to him?
Watch how he treats you when you're together with him. If a guy acts like you're just one of the guys when you're around, that's usually showing that he thinks of you as a female friend.
If he burps, farts, cusses like a sailor, jokes with you like you're one of his male friends, that's usually an indication he thinks of you as "one of the guys."
Another important tip is if he doesn't seem to notice that you are a woman, or he makes a lot of flubs that tell you he doesn't see you as being a female, that's a surefire indication he isn't attracted to you or romantically interested in you.
What's Going On? Tip #4: How much you hear about his romantic life
One of the easiest ways to figure out whether or not he's just a friend or interested in you for more is simply listening to what he talks about.
Does he talk about his ex-girlfriends?
Does he talk about a specific ex-girlfriend all the time?
Does he avoid talking about his romantic life?
Does he avoid talking about any of the guys you have been involved with?
Yeah, it can drive you a little crazy listening to him talk about other women. But most guys don't do this to cause you pain. They do it because they honestly think you're just a friend.
If he talks a lot about these relationships that he hasn't healed from, feel free to ask him about the feelings he has for those past women and relationships. It might help him to move on.
Are you his pal, or more? Tip #5: What's going on with the compliments
Another way you can test things out is by throwing him a random compliment. Just a small one to see what he does with it.
He appreciates everything about you...
If he's into you, you should see him compliment you back. At the very least he'll be appreciative and take it in.
But if he's not interested in you for more than a friend, you might get a little awkward "thank you" and not much more.
What's Going On? Tip #6: He starts suggesting changes
Normally when a guy is attracted to you he won't suggest that you make any changes to your look or to your style. When a man is feeling attraction, he wants you to stay just the way you are.
In fact, he will send you compliments for your appearance.
However, this one is not a hard and fast rule. It's just an indicator that he's trying to help shape you a little bit. And there's a chance he may even be trying to tell you what would make him feel more attracted to you.
Friends? Or More Than Friends? Tip #7: What kind of effort is he putting in?
Way back, when I was still confused about what I was looking for, I took a close friend out to the movies. I'm sure this was confusing for her, because I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to jump into a relationship. But I thought - what the heck, I could give it a try.
And try I did. I got dressed up, I took her out to dinner and to a movie.
In the end, I realized that even though there was attraction, I wasn't interested in a relationship at that point. I knew I was relocating to California and wouldn't stay in that city.
BUT that effort I put in is something you should see from a guy that is interested in you.
If he isn't putting in the energy to make himself look good and be attractive, especially when he's taking you out or you're doing something together, that's a sign he's not really interested.
Is He Confusing You? Tip #8: Is he holding himself back?
When coaching women, the most difficult concept to communicate about men is that if a guy isn't showing interest, he isn't interested.
He doesn't know how to "be" around you.
In other words, when a man is interested he will NOT keep any distance between you and him. When a person is attracted to another person they will not stop themselves from seeing that person. Or BEING with that person.
I know that many women think that guys are somehow exerting some kind of incredible male willpower to keep themselves from ravaging her.
But this simply isn't true.
When it comes to romance, the heart wants what the heart wants. And we pursue the person we desire.
There are no superhuman feats of denial or self-control involved.
I know, I know - you want to think that he's hiding his emotions and true feelings from you. But the fact is that guys don't do this. A woman may be able to do it, but a guy definitely won't.
Guys simply do not hold themselves back from a woman they desire. End of story.
He's not hiding anything from you!
Still Don't Know Where You Stand? Tip #9: How does he describe your connection?
If a man is interested in you, he will describe your connection in vague but slightly romantic terms.
If he's not interested, he's going to describe you in very platonic terms. He may even use the words "brother & sister." Or "buddies."
Just listen to the kind of words he uses. If he's thinking romantically, the words will have a romantic edge. He will give away what he really wants with his words.
What Does He Want From Me? Tip #10: He offers to set you up with a friend?
If your guy friend offers to set up a date with one of his friends for you, he's definitely NOT interested in more than friendship. No man would ever offer this if he was into you at all.
No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Is This Just Friends? Tip #11: He starts dating someone else...
This one is also very straightforward. If this guy's interested in you, he will wait for quite a while before he will date another woman. In fact, he will wait way too long in hopes of winning you.
If he is interested in you and he starts dating someone else, this shows that you completely missed the ball and waited way too long.
What Does He Want From Me? Tip #12: He's clueless about YOU
One thing about guys is that they seek out information on things they are interested in.
If he's interested in cars, he's probably reading car magazines and surfing the web about cars...
If he's into computer games, he's reading game reviews
And so on...
And the same thing applies to you. If he's interested in you, he's going to try to find out as much about you as he possibly can about you.
He'll ask questions about you...
He'll ask questions about your past
He'll ask questions about her family
He'll ask questions about your job
He'll want to know about what you like and don't like
So if this guy is completely clueless or can't seem to remember the things you like or don't like - or anything about you, it's fair to say he's just not that interested.
We make it a point to learn the details about people that are important to us.
Is This Just Friends? Tip #13: He treats you differently in different situations...
You'll notice a stark contrast in the way that he treats you based on whether you're alone with him or when you're near other guys.
"I think we're alone now..."
If he's interested, he'll be more protective of you when you're out with him in public. You may notice a focus on being more gentlemanly or chivalrous.
On the other hand, if he's not interested he will treat you pretty much the same way in any situation, which is to say neutrally.
Could You Be MORE Than Friends? Tip #14: His calling and texting patterns
One of the best ways to figure out if you guys are friends or more than friends is to take a good look at his calling and texting patterns.
When a man is trying to win a woman - which is a very important part of courtship for him - he's going to reach out and try to connect with you more often.
He will call you more
He will text you more
He will stop by and try to see you more
You will see a distinct and higher level of effort from him.
Just don't expect it to last forever. It never does. That's just part of the courtship ritual.
Don't Ignore This Sign - Tip #15: Jealousy...?
While you definitely don't want to run your relationship with a lot of jealousy, you do want to see that he has emotional responses for you.
One of the most obvious emotional responses is jealousy.
If he doesn't respond to you flirting or hanging out with other guys with jealousy, he's not really interested in more than friends.
On the other hand, if he does show protectiveness when other guys hit on you, there's a good chance he feels attraction for you.
And trust me when I tell you that this will be very obvious. It won't be hidden at all.
Uh-Oh Sign - TIP #16: Awkward!
If someone misunderstands you to be a couple, and he behaves a bit awkward and corrects them quickly, this usually means he's ONLY interested in being friends.
Friends? Or lovers?
This one can be really painful at first, but it tells you right away what his interest is in you.
If he is interested, someone assuming you're together will actually make him happy but a little uncomfortable.
Ultimately - If you want to know if he's just a friend - check in with yourself!
When it comes right down to it, the best indication if he's interested in you for more than friendship is the vibe you get from him.
Guys can't help but project their sexual desire. We are a slave to our physical sexual needs. As such, we have a tough time resisting the pull to act on it.
This accounts for a lot of men's "horn dog" behaviors, too.
Sometimes a guy has simply given up on a woman and just resigns himself to being her friend. But more often than not, he will keep the torch alive for his romantic feelings.
These feelings can last years. Sometimes even through marriages.
Even more important than watching for signs and signals is for you to know what to do when you see one of them. Most women don't understand guys well enough as it is.
I'll be very upfront with you:
Most women look at a list like this because they're trying to find some reason for hope. Hoping that the guy they are interested in likes them back.
I get it - she hopes she'll find a sign that will cancel her disappointment and make her romance a possibility.
But the hope she's seeking for is usually just a kind of denial.
When a guy really does want you and feel for you, you won't have any question in your mind about it. It will be as plain as the nose on your face.
But even if he's not showing interest right now, there's always a chance if you know how men are inspired to desire.
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