It sometimes feels like your heart has literally broken. Research has shown that heartbreak can even feel like a heart attack. Same symptoms and all.
The good news is there are things you can do to mend your broken heart. And even if you don't want to mend your heart and you want to win him back, I'll tell you more about how to do that in a minute.
Yes, you can make it through your breakup.
Ultimately getting over your ex comes down to grief.
Any significant loss in your life is going to put you through intense feelings of grief.
The feeling passes with time...
Now I covered the different stages of grief in another article. Suffice to say that you do go through many emotional stages while you're in the process of letting go.
It will take time. But you can move along and feel more stable and grounded as you go. You don't always have to wake up with that feeling of having to cry every five minutes or that the rug was just pulled out from under you again.
You can get back to normal again. You can let go of the despair and find connection again.
Let's get you through the healing process is fast as possible.
First let's tackle your beliefs:
BELIEF: "I'll never be happy again."
This is probably the first thing we start to think when our heart is broken. It's also the emotion that is never true.
All you can ever see when you're in sadness is more sadness. When you're in a low mood, everything looks bad. Your emotions blind you to what's really going on.
Which is also why you should never make any decisions from a low mood. Just wait long enough and your mood will change and so will your emotions.
One of the signs of maturity is coming to the understanding that emotions do not last forever. You will get over them.
If you live long enough, you will encounter almost every single emotion. As long as you seek to understand your emotions and deal with them in a healthy way, you will inevitably build a high emotional intelligence in yourself.
BELIEF: "I'll never find a person like him again."
Again, a common belief because we are so attached to the idea of a loved one we lost. They're totally unique, right?
Your ex is not unique. We all really want to believe that. But if you look back on all of your dating, you'll notice that there were many men who were possibly the one.
Don't worry, you will find another after this ex is gone.
So what can you do to cure the heartbreak?
Let's dive in and help you with the healing process...
TIP 1: Watch out for the "just friends" trap
A lot of women go through a breakup with a guy and want to stay in his life.
Don't give in...
The problem is that most men use the "let's just be friends" as a way to keeps having sex with his ex. He doesn't really want to be friends - he just wants a booty call.
So beware if he dangles the carrot of "let's just stay friends" After you break up. Most women want to keep some kind of friendship with their acts, but it usually isn't realistic. At least not right away.
Be willing to give him lots of silence and space. Ironically, this is the only way you can win him back if you want. (More on this in a bit)
TIP 2: Give yourself permission to grieve
Grief is normal after a breakup. You just gone through a tremendous loss, and it only makes sense that your emotions will need to recover. It's part of the healing process.
If you resist your emotions, you run the risk of making the breakup take much much longer. The more you let yourself feel what you're going through, faster those emotions will pass. And the better you will feel.
TIP 3: Time for self-care
Something else that's extremely important is taking care of yourself. Sure, it's not the sexiest of tips, but it's important.
Time for YOU...
It's easy to forget taking care of yourself when you're going through the pain of a breakup.
Keep these in mind:
And it doesn't hurt to take up meditation, or a mindfulness practice. In fact, this is one of the best things you can do for your general state of mind. It will keep you more peaceful and emotionally calm.
Which will also help you when you start a new relationship in the future. (Yes, it will happen!)
TIP 4: Handle Your Anger
One of the most common problems that stops a woman from getting back with her ex boyfriend is her anger. If you're still holding onto a lot of anger from the relationship ending, you must let it go.
Maybe you had some revenge fantasies. Maybe you want to get back at him.
But this will only make things worse.
Start by going easy on yourself. And then remember that he most likely never wanted to hurt you. The pain you're feeling was not intentional.
There are very few people who deliberately cause suffering in someone that they had loved in a relationship.
Assume the best, and do your best to let go of any negative feelings you're holding onto.
TIP 5: If you need help, get help
Of course it goes without saying, if you're finding it difficult to let go of any emotions, or your stuck in thought loops and obsessive thinking, you may want to go to therapy. Or a counselor.
Heal your heart.
Sometimes we just need a little bit of help getting us through the tough spots.
I will confess to you that I saw a therapist once for a relationship that was particularly difficult for me to let go of. I got through it all in just a matter of a few weeks, instead of months or years.
Talking to someone helped me see reality for what it was, and keep my perspective. I also freed myself from obsessive thoughts.
Everyone has their own stories, but sometimes you just need support!
A mental health professional can help you see things you couldn't see. There's no stigma, and you're not crazy. It's just helping hand that you may not be able to get from your friends or family.
TIP 6: Don't get stuck in memories
If you're constantly reviewing the past of your relationship, there's a good chance you could get stuck there for quite a while. Reliving emotional memories keeps us stuck in the heartbreak.
Part of the natural process of healing is that you'll want to remember the good times. But if you get yourself stuck there reliving the past, it can be hard to get back out.
Chances are both of you made plenty of mistakes. You made a lot of memories together.
You may also want to take any pictures or reminders of him and store them in a box for a little while. When you're ready, you can get them back out again.
TIP 7: Make it a point to stay off of social media
Don't go cyber stalking him. Don't go looking at his post, don't even check in to see what his friends are doing. This can never help you get over your feelings.
What you need is a clean break where you can get yourself on stable footing again. And get over your strong emotions. In order for your heart to go on, you must let go of the loss.
Unfortunately, social media can keep reminding us and pulling us back into a pit of sadness, anger, and memories we may not be able to handle.
Give yourself a break until you feel like your heart is mending.
TIP 8: Remember that love is an addiction
Most people don't like to think of it this way, but a loving relationship is also a form of drug abuse. Your brain is under the influence of strong hormones. Many of them will remain in your system for a while after the breakup.
It feels good!
And ultimately the breakup really just shows us how addicted we were to the feelings and love chemicals.
That's why it can feel so disorienting and painful when you break up. Everything your partner says suddenly has magnified meaning.
Everything you think about him in the relationship suddenly seems way out of proportion.
It will take some time for your brain to get back to normal. You have to go through a little bit of withdrawal before you will feel better.
TIP 9: Don't rebound!
One of the most likely mistakes you will make is to jump into a new relationship to erase the bad feelings of the last relationship.
Please, don't do this. Inevitably rebound relationships don't last very long. And then you'll have to deal with the guilt of the rebound relationship ending, and still have the pain from the previous relationship that ended.
As you can imagine, this gets really messy.
Take your time to heal yourself before you bring your emotions into the next relationship. He'll be glad you did this.
TIP 10: Give the relationship another try!
Maybe you still want the happy ending - and not the broken heart. Just like in the movies, you might not want your relationship to end. Maybe you still want him back, and maybe even to marry him.
Why should you let him go? Especially after you went through all this work to find him.
And if you don't want to let him go, there may be a chance to win him back. If he's pulling away, or he's become distant, there still may be a chance to save the relationship.
Nothing is 100% foolproof when it comes to breakups. But there are some simple tricks you can use to get him to come back. Or at least consider coming back to you and your love.
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