How To Get Over A Breakup - or 5 Breakup Exercises to Heal You
By: Carlos Cavallo
So you dumped him...
Or - he dumped you.
It happens in life sometimes. And if there's anything we learn in this land of serial monogamy is that there's always a newer, shinier one around the corner. We change our TV shows as fast as our clothes and our lovers these days... just swipe to something new.
So instead of lamenting and crying over the last one - go get your recovery yoga pants on and let's have some healthy fun here...
Bad habit to break... Eating your emotions.
First off - I'm going to share a little of my "get over him, girl" wisdom with you. This should help take the edge off your breakup heartache...
Get Over Him, Girl! Remember - you thought the same thing about the LAST one.
You might not remember this, but the last relationship you had that ended this way probably felt pretty similar.
Same wondering if you should text him at 3:00 AM...
Same drive by his house to see if SHE is there with him...
The funny thing is that every breakup feels unique only because of the freshness of the emotions.
It's really no different than any of the ones before it. Except maybe now you think you've learned better and it REALLY should have been different this time.
Our emotions always flow in the same currents, and take the same paths through our heart.
Without that consistency, your heart would drive you crazy.
So take some solace that this one is like the other guys - you'll heal, you'll move on.
Get Over Him, Girl! Remember - you're not going to be alone forever...
There seems to be this irrational voice that is quiet the whole time you were in the relationship, but the second you're out - it starts screaming: "You're going to be alone forever!"
That voice is the voice of insecurity and fear of loss.
It's your mental drug fix (all those hormones that were raging in your brain throughout the relationship) being cut off - and now you're going through withdrawal. And it's NOT fun.
Contrary to what your brain chemistry and insecurities are trying to tell you, you have to fight back with rational thinking. That's your one and only reliable weapon to keep the despair away.
Remind yourself constantly that "this too shall pass." When the emotions run high, you have to have your warm sanctuary of the heart.
Get Over Him, Girl! Remember - you gotta break the spell.
Look, the relationship really wasn't all THAT.
The reality of most relationships that break up (and a surprising amount of the ones that don't breakup) is how BLECH the relationship actually was that we're clinging to.
In fact, one of the best exercises I ever did after a relationship was to write down all of the crappy things in my relationship. Then I went on to list all the things that were real deal breakers with my partner.
When the "bad" outweighs the good, walk away...
It was not only an eye-opener, but it helped me get over my ex in about half the time.
We've all fallen victim to "glorifying" our ex to the point where we obsess over them long after the relationship has ended.
Okay - when I say "Breakup Exercises" I mean LITERALLYexercise your way back to happiness. If you sit around moping and thinking, you will ALWAYS go back to moping and thinking about HIM. It's what I call the "curse of an idle mind."
So keep yourself busy - AND get in shape with these easy exercises...
Get Over Your Breakup - Exercise 1: The Long Walk Of Love...
Look, we all know walking is really great exercise. (Sorry runners, you're just killing your knees...)
Why not take some time to walk off some of the pain of your breakup?
My family and I walk every Sunday here where we live in Oregon. It's a scenic loop, it's got some nice hills to challenge us. And the kids actually really enjoy the time to talk and walk with us. I sometimes use this time to just meditate on where I am in life and where things are going.
Get out and moving...
One of the best exercises is simply to walk.
And you can couple this with imagining yourself walking away from that ex of yours.
Just mentally review that list of stuff that you didn't like about him - a big steaming pile of it...
then imagine yourself walking away from all of it, putting as much distance as you can between you and it...
It's great motivation, and it's great movement for your body.
Get Over Your Ex - Exercise 2: The 'Juke' of Love...
Ever watch football?
I don't watch it very much - maybe 10 minutes a year. If that.
But when I do I'm always amazed at how agile the athletes are. And one of the best moves football players have is called the "juke."
A juke is a move in most forms of American football used to evade a tackler by deception. It can also be called 'sidestepping.'
A typical juke involves a ball-carrier faking as if he will run one direction, then planting his foot and running the opposite way.
Well, that's a great physical exercise you can do by simply practicing your side stepping, left to right to left to right...
Then add in a turn-around, where you pivot on one foot as you turn to face the opposite direction.
Repeat and do this for each foot...
This is a great agility exercise, and a good warmup for other exercises. It helps with your ankle strength as well.
In your dating life, you're going to need to mentally 'juke' whenever your ex shows up in your life. You don't want to "stiff arm" or knock him down, so the best thing to do is to do a quick "turn-evade" anytime you see your ex coming in your life.
It can be him physically, or it can be the remembering of your ex. If you feel a wave of nostalgia and you think you might go back to wishing he was around, "juke" your thoughts so that you sidestep those memories.
Or anytime you think you might start reminding yourself of your past relationship, do this in your mind.
Sidestep that habit of wanting to remember only the good things, and be realistic. It will help you heal, and keep you real.
Get Over An Ex-Boyfriend - Exercise 3: The Love Dash...
Okay, I know I just teased runners for abusing their knees, but every so often a really good run is great to clear out the cobwebs. Even if you don't run normally.
With the right shoes and support, a good run is great to bring your heart rate up, raise your BMR (that's fancy lingo for your resting heart rate when you're not exercising), and it gets your breathing going.
Leave him in the dust, and don't ever look back...
Start out with a brisk walk and break into a double-time walk like the military does when they do a fast march. It's unbeatable in terms of getting your body going. You can work your way up in speed, length, and intensity over a few weeks.
In the world of your heart, you gotta do the Love Dash - which is to say, you need to keep your distance from him as best you can.
You want to keep your distance from thoughts of him, just like the juke. Only when you keep your distance from things that trigger those memories, you'll feel more safe and sound - and you won't be caught off guard.
How To Get Over Your Ex - Exercise 4: The Toss Out...
If you've ever been to a gym, you've probably seen people do this exercise. It's called the Wood Chop.
You use the cable weights, and the motion is twisting and pulling down from your upper right down to the lower left, as if you were chopping wood.
Then you do the other side, upper left down to lower right... You can also switch directions and pull from floor level up to the opposite side.
It's fantastic for the core, and really works your stability. You can also do this exercise with a small hand weight or medicine ball.
The Wood Chop
Now this exercise also happens to correspond to the movement of pulling his stuff off your shelves and dumping it into a trash bin... which is what I want you to consider doing with all the stuff he gave you.
Yeah, I get it. Gifts are nice and all, and you might not want to throw out the nice things. But you would do well to take all the books, stuffed animals, pictures - whatever - and put them into a box with your 'wood chops.'
Then tape up and store that box for a few months.
You don't need the memories intruding in your life. Walking by pictures of the two of you together is going to drive you crazy, so get them out of sight. This goes for any of the stuff he gave you, because it's all just going to dredge up the emotions all over again.
How To Get Over Your Breakup - Exercise 5: The Get Movin'...
Some people call these "mountain climbers." They're where you get down low to the ground, like a runner ready for the starting gun. Then you keep your hands on the ground, and jump-switch your feet back and forth.
It's a great agility exercise, and also gets your abs stronger.
Gets you going!
And when it comes to your attitude and happiness, you gotta get movin' there, too. Because the reality eventually settles in after a few weeks without your ex - you're ready to move on.
You want love in your life, and dwelling on your ex isn't going to get you the partner you want.
You probably already know this by now, but to get movin' in your heart, you have to have a plan.
If you were going to drive from New York to Florida - you'd need a plan to get you there. Otherwise you could end up lost in Texas.
That plan you use is called a roadmap - and it's the most important thing to have to find your way to where you want to go.
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