START HERE - RELATIONSHIP GUIDES:
Relationship Tips & Advice
What do men consider "great sex?"
Well, what do you want from your sex life?
When I ask women this question, I inevitably hear one word above the rest...
Women crave connection above all else, right?
What do you think guys answer when I ask them the same question?
Well, sure, guys want their ego - ahem - stroked. They want to know they're competent in the sack.
But - funny enough, the one thing that they say is more important though is...
You might wonder about that considering how disconnected many guys seem to be when in the middle of the "nasty." But there's a reason for that, too, which I'm going to reveal in a bit...
That being said, let's jump into the first Tip for what men consider great sex:
Okay, maybe that feels a bit over the top.
But he does want to feel like he's THE MAN when it comes to delivering the goods in bed. He wants to know that he's competent at making you feel pleasure at his touch.
Yes, we want to give you unimaginable bliss - a climax that makes your toes curl - and gets him on the front of Time magazine for "Most unbelievable orgasm of the century." (or at least a trophy for it.)
Even if that's unrealistic, it's still a core desire for most men.
One universal DON'T here: Don't ever talk about past lovers - even the ones that were lousy. We men run around in complete oblivious ignorance of the "other guys" for as long as we can in a relationship. If you want to trigger a man to pull away, nothing does it better than mentioning either past lovers, or describing their performance.
Just keep the focus on you and him - and how well he's pleasing you.
Which leads me to:
Guys need feedback to tell him how he's doing.
In those first few encounters, you're both feeling a bit awkward. You're trying to get familiar with a stranger's body, and their desires. It's tricky terrain to navigate.
So keep him in the loop as to how he's doing - especially when it's positive. Show him through your sounds and body motion that he's giving you pleasure.
Give him some signs...
Clue him in on what's working for you instead of being silent. Silence is a giant room full of uncertainty in our heads, so you have to know how to get past your stage fright.
If you feel you aren't good at talking dirty with men, I have a whole section on that for you in my Passion Phrases program, by the way...
But what if there's some negative stuff you need to communicate?
What if he's just not Mr. Fabulous in the bedroom?
That leads us to the next tip...
If he does start doing something that isn't working for you, you also have to know how to redirect and correct him. One wrong word from you and his deep inner shame could be triggered, which might leave him a bit less than "performance ready."
Yeah, his flag may drop to half-mast if he feels like he's been called out on his performance.
So you gotta watch how you express this to him.
Consider the event a "spin out" - like in stock car racing.
What you want to do is get the car back on the track and headed toward that finish line as gently as possible.
For example: Let's say he's rubbing a big too hard.
Treat it like a race car that's spun off the road, and you're going to steer things...
DON'T DO THIS: Whisper to him: "Ouch! Please don't do that..."
DO THIS: "Mmmm... let's try this instead..." (Moving his hand elsewhere.)
You simply guide him. Don't worry about the correction, if it's done gently. He'll appreciate that you lovingly kept him from ruining your pleasure and got him back on track.
And if he is a bit on the clueless side (which a great many men are, due to lack of ability with women), simply use this:
"Hey, let's slow down a bit... no rush..."
This is effective because it allows the hyper-charge of energy to calm down a bit. You both can get grounded again. His sexual energy is likely to be very wound up.
Take time to reconnect and get back in your hearts (instead of just stimulating your bodies). This will work wonders at making the lovemaking passionate and heartfelt.
Sex with us should never feel like a chore. it should be a natural, regular expression of affection in your relationship.
So please don’t make him beg for it, buy you gifts for it, wait for a birthday or vacation for it, or some magical alignment of the stars to get busy. Just make us feel like equal and wanted partners.
If you’re not feeling the sex in your relationship, you can talk with him about it. This is a deep conversation that men are more than willing to have because the sex is so important to him. Yes, it's important to you, too - but men need sex as a PRIMARY method of feeling love within a relationship.
Maybe we need to hear that we aren’t making you feel desired enough. Maybe our lives are too busy, maybe your schedule is too busy and we need to help you out....
And if you happen to have some deep issues related to sex that need therapy, please PLEASE seek that out and get it handled. A competent therapist can help you work through your traumas.
Because if you're hoping they'll just "disappear" magically when you meet "The One" - I have something to tell you...
It's more likely that those issues will simply scare him off - and might even make him feel like HE is the problem.
Do the work for both of you now.
You'd be surprised how many women want to perform for their man in bed, but simply don't know what to do.
Get back to being a student...
Here are a few items you might want to add to your "self-improvement" list in the bedroom:
And, by the way, nothing turns a guy on more than a woman who actually WANTS to be good in bed for him. That's a dream come true...
Yeah, you heard me.
Guys like foreplay just as much as women. (We just don't ALWAYS want to have to work for 75 minutes to get you 'in the mood.' This makes sex too much of a chore.)
What kind of foreplay?
The key is to tease him without making him feel like it's a game to make YOU feel desired. Or that you're leading him on.
Give him foreplay, and you'll also amp up his love and attachment hormones, too. This makes him far more likely to fall in love with you along the way.
And finally, we come to:
Men are used to a very common dynamic with women. She will tease and hint at sex, but usually be a bit too reserved about showing her sexuality to make it feel "real" to us.
In other words, most women hit a very predictable barrier that stops her from being drop dead sexy.
The cycle goes like this:
There's even a term for this barrier in a woman's mind that stops her from going "Full Sexy" -
The Slut Complex.
You may KNOW deep in your heart that it's illogical, but there's a zone that feels too "promiscuous" to ignore.
So make sure you know where your limits are FIRST. And then you can gracefully pull back from that edge before you feel that weirdness set in.
And this way you can also preserve your sexual boundaries ethically and with heart.
I think most every woman has felt like she jumped into bed too soon, and then the very thing she worried about happening happens. He pulls away or disappears shortly after they hook up.
The key is how you feel about stopping yourself and setting that boundary.
AND how to make him understand it's the right thing...
Men may seem disconnected to you in bed, and that's because they're trying to not lose their focus with you. (Truth be told, most women don't feel very connected to the experience the first time. There's so much worry and inner angst being held by both!)
There is a simple cure for this kind of disconnect you might have with your man. And it leads you closer to true connection with him, too.
REALLY connect with him - not that fake intimacy that everyone throws around these days...
The sex will be amazing...
And the relationship will be everything you ever wanted it to be.
Go discover The Connection Code
CLICK HERE for the Secrets Of A Loving, Committed, & Unbreakable Relationship With The Man You Love