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Relationship Tips & Advice
“Does he like me?” you wonder. It’s often a complete mystery to us when someone we like starts showing interest in us. And it feels great, of course, but it’s still such a crazy random thing that we feel like we’re lucky it happened.
Perhaps there's a co-worker who has caught your eye...
Or a fellow student in school with you who makes you weak in the knees every time he comes near. You are interested in him, but how do you know if he likes you?
It can be embarrassing for you to ask your friends about how you can tell if he's interested. If you're shy, the last thing you want is for your friends to make a fuss. Or, even worse, to approach and ask him directly.
Lucky that he likes you. And if you feel lucky, you may feel fortunate – but you don’t feel like you’re in control of the situation. Ultimately, you should have control of your love life… And you can!
It’s not hard – IF you understand the principles of why people fall for each other in the first place. I’m here to tell you that love IS predictable, – again, IF you understand the formula. Have you ever found yourself wondering: “Why does he like ME?”
Or: “Does he like me? For REALSIES?” Well, let’s talk about the first question first… The WHY of “Why does he like me?” should be clear to us all. But it’s connected so innately to our self-esteem that we often don’t want to admit that we wonder about it at all.
For every person, there are probably dozens of reasons why someone likes you…
Okay, this list could get really tiresome. And I’m sure you get the point.
The REAL question we’re asking here is, “Why does he like me – so I can know what to show him MORE of!” And: “Why does he like me – so I know what to feel good about myself…”
No one gets tired of hearing how awesome they are. Primarily because this world doesn’t usually broadcast about your benefits. Usually, we only hear about our shortcomings.
That’s probably why I treasure the friends I have that remind me of the good parts of me. We always wonder if we’re right about ourselves. Now let’s talk about the other question: “Does he like me?”
How do you know? Well, let’s explore that in The 12 signs he likes you… But, I have something important to get out of the way first – You need to confess to yourself that you LIKE not knowing. It’s true.
You like the mystery just as much – if not more – than the reality. It’s the same reason that Christmas day is nowhere near as fun as all those days before when you’re wondering what’s in all those presents. There’s a delicious sense of anticipation and mystery that’s built into the very notion of wondering if he’s digging you.
And you LOVE that feeling…We ALL do!
It’s something our brains were wired for. In fact, when you’re anticipating or wondering about a guy you’re interested in, your brain will start pumping hormones that help you fall for him in advance. That’s right – you start falling in love simply by letting yourself think about a person too much.
You don’t even need to interact with them before your brain starts getting attached.
It’s crazy, and it’s one of the reasons you can’t spend too much time indulging in wondering about him. The time you’re spending on this project is actually making you feel like you’re already connected to him, without knowing for sure. This is why it can be extra crushing when a guy doesn’t like you – after all, you’ve just spent all that time ruminating and wondering!
“Dangit! He’s got to like me back!” So don’t let that wondering create an “artificial relationship.” I have coached many women (and I get about 10 or more emails every day from women) that feel they already have a relationship with a guy that they haven’t even spoken to or gone on a date with yet. It feels real, but it’s just a fantasy until you make it real.
Seriously, this is one signal that you can’t ignore, but we all take for granted. Let’s say you’re out at a party, chilling with your friends, and a guy starts a conversation. If that guys keeps talking to you, you can be pretty sure he’s interested. That’s it.
I know, I know, it’s not sexy. It’s not some outrageous form of chivalry, or even a wild story like you see in all those UNREALISTIC romantic comedies out there.
Yeah, I know you’d like some kind of super-romantic magical thing to happen that would tell you if he did like you or not – Like chasing you down with a glass slipper…
We all want a secret signal that we can spot so that we don’t have to risk feeling like a fool for revealing our own feelings.
But again, in reality – which is the only thing I deal in, folks – this is not the way you want to manage your love life. The truth is that it’s rare that you’re going to have some wildly improbable meeting that results in marriage. The only thing you need is: He said hello, and you smiled and said hello back.
You can wonder does he like you, but that’s how love typically starts. Still – we’re going to cover a few more clues you can look for. Like this next one…
Just like his being there and not leaving, this one might seem a bit less than romantic. But if he’s making efforts to reconnect with you – and he keeps asking you out – then he’s interested. It may not WOW you with the sheer magnitude of his effort, but it’ll keep happening.
And that’s your biggest sign. Now, this assumes he’s asked you out to begin with. Which is one of those weird places you might be right now.
You suspect he likes you, but he hasn’t busted a move yet. In that case, you have to decide how to give him his opening.
How comfortable are you about letting your interest show?
On a scale of 1 to 10… Where 1 is NOT comfortable at all – “Let him do all the work, and I’m going to not lead him on one bit.” And 10 is really comfortable – “I’ll ask him out, and if he so much as hesitates, I’ll duct tape him up and throw him in the trunk of my car.”
Where are you on this scale? Most women are probably in the 4 to 7 range. I’ve never formally asked, but I’ll suspect that most women fall into that zone.
Figure out where you are, then let yourself act it. This will allow you to feel committed to your way of being, and he will pick up on that as CONFIDENCE. As you might know, guys find a woman’s sexy confidence IRRESISTIBLE.
This one falls under the category of “weirdly opposite to what you think…” But we all do this one. It’s how we started flirting on the playground when we were kids. You liked some kid, and then you went over and proceeded to tell him he was a “Stinky butt.” And you walked away.
Oddly psycho if you think about it, but it does make sense. It’s a kid’s safest way to express interest without risking too much vulnerability.
You put it out there, with a built in “take back” if he doesn’t respond with his own weird way of showing his interest. You provoke him to play with you, and you can always say you were serious about that stinky butt thing if he doesn’t like you back. AND – it’s kind of a reverse psychology thing. “I don’t want you to like me!
Don’t do it! Don’t develop any kind of romantic feelings for me.” Ah, kids. If this guy you’re with right now gives you a hard time, joking and teasing you to the point where you find yourself slapping him on the arm and saying, “Stop!”
THAT’S AMORE! Yeah, you know what I mean.
If a guy is making small sacrifices to make you happy, he likes you. Small sacrifices could be anything from giving you his last piece of sushi to him turning off his phone to pay attention to you.
Or maybe he just asks you what YOU want to watch on Netflix tonight… It might seem like a small thing, but it’s his way of showing you that he cares.
This is where he’s going back into your Facebook history to learn more about you. You’ll know he’s trolling your Facebook if you see that he just liked a post from back in 2010 when you had just seen “Tangled” and HAD to post something about it. Uh, yeah.
You’ll know he was looking back in time trying to find out more about you. It’s a social media signal that he’s digging around – and you’re on his mind. Freaky, but pretty cool…
One thing many people miss about romance is how we can act in strangely contrary ways. One of those ways is avoiding eye contact where we once couldn’t stop making it before. It comes up when we become self-conscious.
And we don’t become self-conscious unless we care about what others think about us.
Get it…? Does he “flip-flop” when it comes to you?
So if he starts being oddly shy and awkward on you, there’s a good chance he’s feeling like he needs to bust a move on you. (Does anyone even use that term anymore? ‘Bust a move‘? I’m SO 1992.) Look for the weird flip-flops in his behavior. They can tell you how he’s starting to fall in like with you.
Guys are keenly attentive to new relationships. Meaning, he will be on top of all communications with a woman he wants.
Yes, these are the times to remember, because they won’t last forever – as Billy Joel sang. A guy will be all about starting this fire up with you – especially before he’s gotten to home base. (Knowhatimean?)
So enjoy it, but remember that you don’t have to LOSE this enthusiasm and excitement, either…
The next time you’re around this man, observe what he’s communicating with body language. But don’t expect him to do the same things you do with your body when you’re attracted to someone. Men have their own way of giving off evidence that they’re interested.
Does he lean in when you talk?
Find excuses to touch your arm or hair?
Does he touch his face?
These are all signs he likes you! So the next time you’re wondering does he like me, get out of your head and actually pay attention to how he’s acting. He may not say it in words, but his body tells it all.
If he can’t keep his eyes off of you, that’s a good sign! While eyes are certainly part of body language, they deserve their own number here as you try to discern does he like me. Does he maintain eye contact to the point where you feel you’re having a staring contest?
Do his eyes light up when you enter a room? Does he frequently blink at you, as if dazzled by your immense beauty?
You may want to get a little closer to this guy to check out one thing: how dilated his pupils are.
Researchers at the University of Kent found that people’s pupils dilate when they see a photo of someone they’re attracted to. And it doesn’t matter if they’re clothed or naked: same result. So even if you’re fully dressed, check out his eyes to see if his pupils are big black saucers.
Just beware - if you're in a bar, or he's had a few drinks, this one might not be as reliable. But watch for how his eyes respond to you overall!
When you’re around a man that you like, you may be so nervous that you don’t really pay attention to what he says…but you should. Beyond it just being common courtesy to listen to the person who’s talking, what he’s saying can let you know that he’s head over heels for you. Wow, that dress looks amazing on you!
Does he tell you that you look nice or otherwise compliment you?
Pay attention! It’s all too easy for women to brush off compliments (the whole this old thing response when a guy tells you he likes your dress is sooo overdone), but just stop for a moment.
Hear the compliment. Accept it and say thanks.
Now obsess in your head as to what that means.
You’ll have to trust me on this: Men do not compliment women they’re not into (unless it’s their mom). If he’s complimenting you, it’s because he’s paying attention. If he’s paying attention, he’s clearly interested.
Yea, I like "volunteering with sick kids in my spare time…"
Also, notice whether he toots his own horn a bit. It could be because he wants you to notice him and his general awesomeness. Now, there’s a fine line between a guy just trying to get you to know a few cool things about him and him being a total narcissist, so use your judgment here to decide which he is.
Ah cool, I’m really into acro-yoga too!
Wise up, girl! This man is trying to show you that you have things in common. The Similarity-Attraction Theory says that rather than opposites attracting, often its similarities that do, so if this man is pointing out all that you have in common, it’s for good reason: because he’s attracted to you!
Yea, I’m not doing anything this weekend…
Um, hello? Most people wouldn’t own up to having a blank calendar, so clearly he’s letting you know he’s available to go out. He might be unsure if you’re interested in him, so he hasn’t pulled the trigger to formally ask you out.
But what are you waiting for?? You’re a Sexy, Confident Lady so you can do the asking.
"Ugh, my shoulders are so tight. This scar is almost healed. Feel it."
Any man who makes up an excuse for you to touch him does it because he’s attracted to you. If he was stuck in the friend zone, he wouldn’t make any move to touch you or invite you to touch him because he’d be worried you’d misread his signals. But this guy?
He might touch your lower back as you pass through a door he opened for you. He might tell you there’s a loose eyelash on your cheek and “remove” it. He might press his leg against yours under the table.
These touches aren’t blatant, but they’re still communicating plenty about his feelings for you. Play up to the whole touch thing. Squeeze his shoulders if he says they’re tight.
Touch his arm and ask how often he works out. Touch = confidence for men, so give him a healthy dose!
Even in a group of people, all his attention is on you. Maybe the guy you’ve got your eye on is part of your circle of friends, and you’re not sure if he’s being friendly like he is to everyone…or if it’s something more. Pay attention to how he treats others and how he treats you.
Moving from being friends (especially when you’re part of a bigger crew) to something more can be tricky. Ask others in the group for their insights on how he’s treating you…or even ask them to talk to him to get the skinny about how he feels.
Remember to Pay Attention and Listen to your Gut
There is no exact science that will tell you if a guy likes you back or not. However, there are many signs guys display when they are interested that can help you predict (or at least give clues) as to whether he likes you or not. That said, it is hard to determine if a guy likes you, as many factors come into play.
Also, the behavior that you see in a man may not necessarily mean interest. Sometimes, only one or two signs may not be enough to make a judgment. Lastly, signs of attraction or love shown by one guy may not be the same used by another.
You should study the man from as many angles as possible before deciding whether he is into you or not. You can not only get him feeling that irresistible pull of desire for you, but you can make him OBSESSED with you. You start out with him liking you, and it builds into LOVE in just days…
You might wonder if you’ve got him under your spell…
Do you want to know for sure?