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Relationship Tips & Advice
It's become an unavoidable fact of life these days that everybody and their grandma has a mobile phone.
And Grandpa, too.
Whether it's checking your Facebook feed or liking your friend's perfectly Instagrammed breakfast, most of us have our faces glued to our shiny cell phone throughout the day.
Even before touchscreen smartphones became all the rage, texting was already one of the easiest ways to send off a quick message to someone, like a guy you're into for example.
It's so effective, in fact, that I’ve used it to start more than a few relationships in the past.
That said, I'm going to give you a handful of super-sweet, romantic texts that will get any guy to pay attention to you.
Now, before we get started with that, I wanted to lay down some do's and dont's of texting a guy.
You can send him as many flirty texts as you want. But a guy still won't feel attracted to you - and even possibly turned off - if you don't know the basic guidelines:
Remember that there's always the possibility that a guy might not be interested. It's a fact of life, and we're grownups here.
So if his replies are limited to a couple of syllables, like the dreaded "ok" (and its equally hated cousin,"K"), it could be any of the following reasons:
- A serious relationship isn't at the top of his priorities right now...
- He met someone else...
- He has issues that has nothing do with you... (highly probable, in fact)
- He's a flaky kind of guy... (regrettably, also probable)
So, you shouldn't take any of it personally.
Women always ask me about their man's "mixed signals", and most of the time there's really nothing "mixed" about it - he's probably just not the right guy for them.
Or he's just not that into a relationship at that point, so his disinterest is just that.
Even if he's not up for a round of flirting, don't let it crush your spirits. If anything, just look at it as an opportunity to respond in a playful and classy way.
You might be tempted to fire off a needy response - like "K? That's it?" or "Why are you so cold all of a sudden?"
Trust me, it’s better to resist the urge and reply with something like:
- "Lol, looks like someone's got a case of the one-liners today :)"
- "Cat got your tongue huh? Lemme know when you get it back ;)"
- "I shocked him into silence! I'm so naughty..."
Don't forget to thrown in those lighthearted emojis to set the right tone and not sound sarcastic or like you're confronting him.
Who knows, he could just be having a crappy day. Show him you're not rattled about it and he might even open up and tell you what's going on with him.
And keep this in mind: Sometimes guys just don't check their phones for hours. Seriously, we're not as into our phones as women are.
I've been known to miss a text for up to 12 hours.
The last thing a guy wants to hear from a Potential Girlfriend (i.e. you) that he’s “just friends” with her. It’s basically pouring a cold bucket of water over the sparks of attraction before they’ve had a chance to burn hot.
You might be thinking, “WHY would I want a guy I like to feel that there’s no chance for us to become MORE than friends? I’m not crazy!”
Well, most women don’t realize they’re unintentionally sending the wrong message, but it does happen. A lot.
For instance, you might text him, “Dude, did you see last night’s Game of Thrones? How insane was that?!”
“Dude” or any equivalent term like “bro”, “pal” or “buddy” could deep-six his romantic feelings for you. You’re not one of his guy friends, so take care not to give off the wrong kind of vibe when texting him.
Plus, he'll think you're kinda strange.
Now, I have to add that some women intentionally do this in an attempt to draw out a guy get a reaction out of him. He might take the bait and tell you, “Bro? LOL, that sounded weird :)” in a best-case scenario.
My advice: platonic messages are a slippery slope best avoided COMPLETELY.
It’s close to midnight and you’re about to snuggle with a good book and cup of tea when your phone buzzes...
“Hey there, you busy?” the message reads.
Pop quiz: Do you answer?
Well, it depends on what you want from him. If you’re just looking for a no-strings-attached hookup, then have at it.
I’m not here to judge if you're not looking for anything serious. But if you ARE interested in something more long-term, you’d probably want to hold your horses.
Think about it – are you REALLY down with being treated as his last-minute backup because he has time to kill between the sheets with someone - anyone?
I tell my coaching clients to either not reply at all, or something like “Hey, I’m really beat tonight. I’m free on ___________.”
It’s a good idea to give him some options AND the chance to make plans with you.
If he makes an excuse or doesn’t reply, then that’s a solid indicator of his intentions.
Now that you’ve got the basics sorted out, let’s get into exactly what to text a guy who you really want:
Do you want to know if you’re in his thoughts? The best way to find out is by throwing him a curveball and making the first move.
Here’s where the “I was just thinking about you” text comes in.
Let’s say you’re at the grocery store and saw something that suddenly reminded you of your man. Try texting him this:
“Hey there, I just passed by an aisle of blue Gatorade and I remembered that office prank you told me about last week. And now you got me thinking about you ... this is all your fault ;)”
In case he doesn’t text back, give him a window of about 10-15 minutes, then follow up with: “But the joke’s on you... now I’M in your thoughts too! (insert evil laugh)”
And if you STILL get nothing out of him after a decent amount of time has passed (life-or-death reasons notwithstanding), then take it as a sign. The great thing is that it puts him on the spot WITHOUT being needy or pushy about it.
Here’s another way to plant yourself in his thoughts: send him a short and sweet text in the morning to get his attention early in the day.
Even a simple “Hey there handsome, top of the morning to ya!” will do the trick. If the chemistry is there, he’ll practically have no choice but to hit you back with something just as nice.
He could ask you to meet up with him for a quick coffee or make plans for lunch later on. The point is, if you give him a little nudge right out of the gate that you’re thinking about him, chances are he’ll do the same.
Are you having a crappy day? You can use that as an inspiration for a funny and flirty text to catch his attention.
Let’s say your co-worker is extra annoying today. You can turn that into an opportunity to connect with your guy in a lighthearted way:
“Good news is that the girl from accounting decided to bathe today, but the bad news is that her lunch just infused the break room an incredible smell. Can’t win 'em all I guess hehe 😀 Hope your day’s better than mine LOL!”
Not only will you give your guy a nice chuckle, it’ll also make him open up and vent a little too. Now you’ve naturally built some connection with him and triggered his feel-good emotions.
And that doesn’t feel forced at all. Just remember to keep it POSITIVE and avoid complaining to him for the sake of it.
Nothing gets a guy pumped up more than a little pep talk to encourage him to kick some butt.
You don’t have to give him the full-blown “football coach in the locker room” kind of speech of course, but a few well-chosen words will do just fine.
Maybe he’s wound up tight from the upcoming sales presentation he has at work, or that gig his band’s been rehearsing for over the last month. A quick little reminder that you believe in him is just what he needs:
“Hey, good luck on that ______________. I know you’re gonna crush it and look like a BOSS doing it too! :)”
This is a double whammy because it acknowledges his masculine, get-it-done side - AND it gives him a chance to open up. Knowing that you’re thinking of him can take the edge off and encourage him to share any anxiety he might be feeling.
When a man opens up those emotions to you, that's going to be the slippery slope for him falling for you...
When the time’s right, you can test the waters by sending him a naughty text to see how he reacts.
Fair warning, though: this type of text is meant to cross the border between rated G and PG – or even into R-rated territory.
That said, you can start off by sending him an ambiguous text to ease him into this new direction. Try one of these:
• “Hey, what’s up? Just finished cleaning up after a crazy day at work. That shower changed my life LOL! I feel so clean - and now I can unwind...”
• “Ugh, I just gave my yoga pants an upgrade. That last stretch tore a hole right in my butt and I had to relocate to the back of the class. I’m such a dork LOL!”
• “Boredom can be so delicious sometimes, you know? I never thought just lying in bed wearing nothing but my favorite ratty shirt could be such a Zen experience. Ok, I’m getting weird aren’t I? Haha”
You’re not just making small talk here. You're also giving him a chance to think about you – and specifically, your body.
This is to gradually get a guy to treat you as more than just a friend and of course, dropping in some serious hints layered with a little humor.
Pretty soon, he’ll catch your drift and start dropping some naughty hints of his own. Guys love taking the lead, but that doesn’t mean you can’t light the flame and get him all excited.
And once he’s comfortable enough, you can get even naughtier. Again, use these with caution and make sure you’re on the same page as him before firing these flirty texts off:
• “Finally found the time to get some new panties.. not sure if I should get the laced ones or something comfy. Do guys really mind granny panties or are they cool with it? This curious girl wants to know :)”
• “Those jeans you had on last time looked really good on you, especially from behind 🙂 OMG I can’t believe I just said that”
• “Blowing off some steam with the girls and I’ve had one too many daiquiris. Don’t know why getting tipsy makes me think of you…maybe we can meet up later so I can further explore this mystery ;)”
• “Sleep tight and don’t let bed bugs bite. I like to bite though when I’m excited enough... ;)”
If these texts don’t make it crystal clear to him that want to be more than “just friends”, nothing will. This is pretty much telling him you want to take things to the next level - and it puts him in the hot seat.
In that case, you should encourage him by replying, “That sounds nice... care to share a bit more?” to keep the momentum going and knock down those floodgates.
Admittedly, this is kind of a high-stakes situation since you’re trying to call him on his bluff. If he does respond favorably to your spicy texts, then you know he’s on board.
If he doesn't respond, at least you know where he stands and you can move on with someone else who’s a better match for you.
Guys often give out signals that a lot of women either don’t read at all, or pick up TOO LATE. This is one of the biggest reasons why relationships don’t fully blossom and get stuck in the land of “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.”
If you want to avoid sending off a premature text that he’s not ready for, you’re better off reading his signals first. I’ve got something that will help you do exactly that, and it will help you figure out where he stands with you and plan your next move.
Does he like you?
You can find out NOW...