You start a conversation with a dude in a bar, or a party, or some singles event, and you might not be able to tell if he's interested for real. I mean, he could just be acting polite, right?
Flirting gives you a little electric tingle of joy... it's an addicting sensation that can often blind you to what's really going on in the thrill of the moment.
But it's a major buzz-kill when you realize this guy might NOT be interested.
You don't want to waste your time on the fish that aren't biting, after all. Who does?
It’s hard to tell if a guy is smiling at you because he thinks you're cute and funny...or because you have some lettuce stuck in your teeth.
So how do you tell if he's really flirting? And not just being nice?
There are a lot of subtle signals that you might be looking at and trying to interpret.
Your gut is telling you one thing, but you're not sure. You could just be imagining things.
Well, here are 7 signals you can look for to tell you whether he likes you or he's just being polite:
Flirting signal #1: The Flirty Touch
If a guy likes you and finds you attractive, he's going to try to touch you in some way during your conversation. It's a given.
Some guys can do this with a little bit of "creep" in their touch, but it comes from a genuine and heartfelt place.
A man spends a lot of time trapped in the shell of "look but don't touch."
It's just not as socially acceptable for guys to be touchy and feely, or physically affectionate.
So when he sees a woman he likes, he won't be able to resist a quick touch. It's a way to break down the distance between you a little.
He might not even realize he's doing it, but you'll be able to spot it when it happens.
Flirt Signal #2: His smile lingers...
Guys don't usually smile at women for very long unless there's romantic interest.
What we'll usually do is chuckle and smirk, but we won't show teeth. You'll just get a momentary blip on the funny radar.
But when he's really into it, and he likes being with you, he'll make it more of a point to laugh with you and share his smile. He'll also have a gleam in his eye.
Oh, one more thing to watch for in his smile is that crinkle in the corner of his eyes that tells you it's genuine. Not many guys know how to fake that...
Is he flirting or being polite - Signal #3: He's excited to find he's compatible with you...
You speak Italian? Oh my god, he spent 3 months in southern Italy when he graduated...!
You like dogs? Oh wow, he's got a Golden Retriever named Max that would LOVE to meet you!
If a guy really likes you, he's going to be on a mad hunt to find things you two have in common.
If you mention something - maybe liking classic 1970s funk bands, and he goes nuts over that, there's a good chance he's into you.
If he finds this common connection, he's also going to want to draw it out and milk it for all it's worth.
As if to say, "Hey, isn't this amazing? It's like a sign we were meant for each other, right??"
In fact, he might not be able to stop talking about it...
Super flirt signal 4: He jokes about sex. Sorta.
Some guys talk and joke about sex a lot. And when they do it with girls, it can border on creepy.
Heck, it might seem creepy to you every time a guy does this. But there's a reason for it.
For a guy who CAN'T get sex anytime he wants it, he's going to put sex out there to see how willing you are to talk and joke about it.
But it can also be quite playful when done right. He'll try with silly double entendres and innuendos, maybe he makes a comment about how long it’s been since he’s had sex, maybe a few dick jokes.
Things like that.
And it goes without saying, if he’s obviously trying to figure out how you feel about the idea of sex, then you can bet he’s flirting with you.
What he's trying to do is see if you'll even go anywhere near the topic with him. So do be careful about shutting him down too hard. He'll interpret any rebuff as meaning he should just walk away.
So instead of shutting the door on him, just laugh it off and move the subject over to something else.
As long as you didn't throw a drink in his face or make a completely disgusted expression at him, he'll stay in the game.
Another way to know if he likes you - Signal 5: He teases you...
This is your textbook schoolyard kid behavior - and it continues through the rest of a man's life.
If he teases you about something, like the size of your purse, the fact that you still listen to Ace of Base, or you can't quote movie lines from "Die Hard," "Apocalypse Now," or "Full Metal Jacket..." (Those are all really popular movies with guys, by the way)
Well, there's a really good chance this guy digs you - but covers it up by treating you like his annoying little sister.
Now - just like the touching signal - some guys can over do this one. But most of the time it's just that he's trying to get an emotional reaction from you.
If you're playing the game with him, you can bet that he'll keep trying to provoke a reaction from you.
Since his teasing you is not 100% accurate, I'd suggest you use this signal as a "confirmer." When you observe this behavior in conjunction with another signal on my list, it's probably a sure-fire bet he likes you.
However, this next sign is good enough to stand on its own:
Infatuation signal 6: You catch him staring at you...
The only thing a guy has trouble controlling more than his hands is his eyes.
Take it from me on this one: If you catch him looking at you from across the room, or even while you're sitting right next to him - he's smitten.
You can catch him looking at you often with a look in his eyes that’s definitely saying something more than friendship. If he can’t take his eyes off of you, you can bet that he’s into you.
I think he likes you, not just being friendly - Signal 7: He's told his friends about you...
Guys don't talk about girls they aren't interested in.
So if you run into him at the same party, or even days later, and he introduces you to his friend - who then says: "Oh, yeah, he told me about you..."
Yeah, that means he likes you.
A man doesn't bring up a woman in conversation if he isn't thinking about asking her out.
Heck, we can't even remember the names of the girls we don't like 5 minutes after talking to them. So take that as a serious sign of interest from this guy.
BONUS flirt Signal 7.5: He's trying to get your phone number...
He might be doing this subtly, or not so subtly. But if he's trying to find out your phone number, you can bet he's doing it so that he can call you later.
Maybe it's for a great cat video he wants to share, or some picture he just took of you and your friends (OH! That's why he did that!) Whatever the excuse is, he's trying to sneak past your radar and get in contact with you again.
The key here is to be cool about it. Don't shoot him down hard.
After all, if it was easy for a guy to just ask, would he have hidden the request inside a promise to send you a dumb video link?
I won't go into the politics of giving him your number only to ignore him later - or if it's better to just deny him outright.
But I will say that if you're curious, and he's not a total douchebag, you can always ignore or block him later.
But if you can't tell that he's a douchebag right now - or if you're still struggling to figure out if he digs you - I have some things you need to know about men and the signals they give off.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]