How To Tell If A Guy Is Flirting With You – or playing games!
Would you like to know How To Tell If A Guy Is Flirting With You – or if he’s just playing games?
After years of coaching men and women, I can reveal something not-so-astonishing…
Men and women flirt in different ways.
Yeah, that’s not so mind-blowing, but it is important for you to realize.
Because both men and women tend to think that the opposite sex is going to flirt with them the way they flirt with other people.
If you expect to see them flirt with you the way you would flirt back, you’re going to be confused. And you might miss out on the signals he’s giving you.
This is even more important if you’re talking with him on the phone or texting… or if you’re just trying to make sure he’s not gay.
I can’t tell you how many women are chatted up by a gay man who just wants to shoot the breeze.
Do you think any of these are signals that he’s flirting with you?
– Looking down and away when he makes eye contact
– Plays with his hair
– Laughs with you at your jokes
Well, you might be tempted to believe these are all signs of a guy flirting with you, but they’re actually signs of a woman flirting with a man. Yup, these are the things YOU might do, but a guy might not.
In fact, the only one on that list that he would do *might* be to laugh at your jokes… just because to do otherwise might seem rude.
We also do different things depending on whether or not we’re feeling insecure in the moment, or we’re shy. The fact is that guys don’t really know how to cover this up the way they used to.
Most guys are pretty awkward at talking to women, as a matter of fact. You can blame that on dad not being around to guide him, and the over-reliance on cell phones as a proxy for flirting.
So let’s dig into this – and I’ll show you the signs that a guy is flirting, and if you should believe what you’re seeing. These are REAL signals – not those lame ones you usually see on magazine covers…
FLIRT SIGNAL 1: He’s bragging …
This is one that most women mistake when it comes to guys. They think that he’s just acting like a douche, when in fact he’s just trying to impress you.
If he’s showing off at all, that’s an indication that he wants you to find him:
– Dominant (more on this in a bit)
Men are pre-programmed to use their status to make you interested in him.
Why? Because even though you might think you don’t care about his status – YOU DO.
If given the choice of an average low status man or a high status man, all things being equal (and even if the low status guy has more sex appeal), you’ll probably wind up more interested in the high status male.
This is a throwback to evolutionary processes, and back to the days when we were in tribes of just a couple hundred people. In a group that small, you wanted to make sure you had the best chances for a long life, and lots of little tribe-lings you could support and feed.
Guess how you did that?
That’s right – by hooking up with the most high-status guy, you would have a sweet reserved seat at the caveman buffet.
Back then, high-status meant “well fed.” And it isn’t far from that today.
Let’s get clear on this right now: I’m not saying all women are gold diggers.
Still, science has shown time and time again that women prefer men with the promise of a future ahead of him.
In one of the more interesting studies they did, they showed pictures of men to women, showing them in various uniforms. Everything from airline pilot to doctors, all the way down to a guy in a McDonalds uniform.
Guess who the women rated as more highly attractive?
HINT: It wasn’t the McDonalds guy.
We are instinctively attracted to people who will help us keep our DNA in the gene pool. It isn’t sexy to admit, but now you know what’s going on underneath the game…
FLIRT SIGNAL 2: He teases you …
This is confusing for a lot of women, who think that the guy would be falling all over himself as he flirts with you.
Some guys do… but they’re usually the more desperate guys. (And you can probably sense them a mile away.)
When a guy finds himself attracted to you, he’s going to give you a hard time.
It’s a natural instinct for a confident guy. I have coached guys to do this, in fact, because of the effect.
Why does he tease you?
Primarily because it triggers that dominant/submissive game we know so well.
You may have seen cats playing this game. Every kind: from a tabby kitten to a lion on the Serengeti…
They bite at the base of the neck and pin each other down. (And this is also why you probably love it when a guy pulls your hair – FYI)
Teasing is the same kind of status-play that lets us figure out what the chemistry is between us.
When you tease and he doesn’t play, watch out. You’re not going to get turned on by this guy, no matter how much you try.
Remember, your instincts help you screen out the losers. No matter how lonely you are, don’t ignore them.
FLIRT SIGNAL 3: He’s pointing at you…
Guys instinctively do a “peacock dance” when they’re flirting. It starts at the very first moment his eyes catch you.
– He’ll turn his eyes, then his head, then his body toward you.
This is the first stage of attraction as he “aligns” himself toward you. His physical body first starts to calibrate with you as his “true north” – just like a compass.
– He’ll turn his feet toward you when he’s speaking to you
This one is fairly obvious, but you might not see it if you weren’t looking. He will point his toes at you as a sign of flirting interest.
– He’ll point to his… manly parts.
Yep, as obviously weird – and maybe just a tiny bit creepy – as this is, he does it. He’ll find ways to pose that expose or project his crotch towards you.
He’ll put his hands on his hips with fingers pointing toward “Johnson-ville.” He will also spread his legs if he sits opposite you, or prop a leg up if he’s standing.
Don’t worry – it’s completely below HIS level of awareness, too.
FLIRT SIGNAL 4: He’s doing the triangle stare…
When we look at people we’re trying to take in or “taste” with our eyes, we do a very noticeable pattern of glances. I call this the Triangle Stare.
We start by looking from eye to eye, then down to the lips, and back up to the eyes again. Usually several times in the same conversation.
This is one that women do as well, so it’s worth noting.
If you want to send a flirt signal to him, make sure you trace a triangle – slowly – from eye to eye and down to the mouth. He won’t miss it.
This triangle of attention gets bigger as we become more attracted to you. We’ll glance down at your cleavage, and even further south if we think we can get away with it.
You’ll also notice him blinking a whole lot more. But don’t fall for that bit about his eyes dilating if he likes you. Sure, this can happen, but it’s not a reliable sign. It could just be really dark, or he’s high. Not a reliable signal, if you ask me.
Now, while it’s extremely helpful to know where your guy’s at in the game, it also doesn’t hurt to actively trigger his feelings of attraction for you.
If you can do that as well, then you’ve got all bases covered.
Think about it – not only can you tell he’s trying to rope you in, you’ll also be sure he’ll be attracted enough to give out those flirting signals in the first place.
It’s all about creating Irresistible Desire, and I’ve put together a cool new video to walk you through it.
Once you push him enough, he’ll be compelled to take it up a notch.
He’ll go from playful flirting to being straight up serious with how he really feels about you.