I want to tell you some sex secrets about men - and what men want in bed.
You see, there seems to be two different schools of thought when it comes to sex and guys:
- Guys are tricky to satisfy sexually - you need to learn a lot of tricks and techniques to make him happy in bed...
- Guys are super simple to keep happy in the bedroom - just give it up regularly.
Well, they're both true - and a little false at the same time.
Let me explain...
First of all - let me do something that I do best: Bust some myths!
There are so many about men, but here are a few that you should know about:
Sex Myth 1: Guys want sex ALL the time
This one is deadly, because it paints men as being mindless tools (get it? tools? ahem...) that are blinded by their sexual desire.
It's true that a man's sexual need is much more of an urgency than women's, but we're still capable of not running naked through the streets.
Apparently there's a statistic that men think about sex every 7 seconds, or something absurd like that.
I think some lonely researcher with a calculator went a little crazy on that one.
Hey, keep in mind that we think about food and work more than that. And probably video games, too...
No, men don't think about it THAT much.
We want sex, and think about sex, but it doesn't override our ability to function normally in society.
Sex Myth #2: Guys want sex instead of relationships...
This is one that I'm really happy to bust because it's another way that the media will make you think that men are these mindless sex-crazed machines.
This myth is so deeply ingrained that people are convinced that guys who claim to want relationships rather than casual sex are either incredibly rare - or simply full of crap.
The truth is that guys want sex *earlier* in the relationship.
That's EARLIER, not instead of.
Men are just fine with a relationship, and yes - even commitment! But that's a topic for another article...
Sex Myth #3: Men have sex earlier than women - and have more sexual partners.
In truth, men and women typically lose their virginity at about age 17.
Surveys have indicated that men have a median of 7 sexual partners for a woman's 4.
Now the problem with this is that, first of all it's a survey.
You don't get valid information from a survey - you get it from see people's actions. (Not that you could verify this kind of claim, but you get my point.)
Second of all, the math of this kind of claim makes no sense at all. Guys are having sex with women, so the women's numbers shouldn't be this far off.
(Unless all that sex is with a few women who never take these surveys...)
So that can't be true just based on simple logic - and math.
The reality is that men typically overstate their number of sexual partners, and women tend to under-state theirs.
Men are more revered for having more partners, and women are more revered for fewer.
And here's an interesting statistic that you might not have known:
Virgins make up 12.3% of females and 14.3% of males aged 20 to 24.
Do what you will with that information...!
So now that I've opened up the kimono on a few of those little sex myths about men, let's get into some of the things that matter to you. Let's talk about the sex secrets that will keep him happy in the bedroom.
7 Sex Secrets About Men - to make both of you happier in bed...
#1: Guys love it when you take the lead
Yes, men do like to know that they were the ones that got you there, and that you are actually consenting right along with him. That much proves our masculine power and virility.
However, what most women may not know is how much we like the opposite, too.
When a woman attacks us and drags us into bed, it's another kind of validation for us, just as it is for women.
And this is where we run into trouble...
Most women want men to initiate, mostly so she can know that she is desirable in his eyes. And unfortunately, most women don't feel comfortable initiating sex due to that "slut shaming" stigma that is created by most cultures.
When men have to initiate every time, it makes us feel less desirable and can give us performance anxiety.
So while it may take a little extra effort on your part - recognize that guys do love it when you take the leadership role in the bedroom.
Being desired is a turn on for both sexes, and it's one that men want just as much as women.
If you can get the chance - and the guts - push his back against the wall, straddle him and then grind to climax. Yeah, you know - that circular hip grind thing.
Sex Tip #2: We want you to use your hands
Guys crave a woman's touch, even when we're in the most intimate kind of body-to-body contact. Your hands on us are an incredible turn-on.
Here are a few ways you can get your hands-on action moving...
- Ass grab: Big props here if can reach. Men love the feel of a woman's hands on our butt, especially when we're getting close to climax. Pull us into you, it lets us know this is what you want.
- Grab his arms: Especially when he's on top and supporting himself above you. It makes us feel stronger and more powerful when you clutch our arms.
- Scratch his back - gently. This can be a huge turn on.
- Rub his shoulders - when he's stressed out, focusing on this area will help untangle him.
- Reach behind his neck: And reach into his hair with your fingers. The feel of your hands stimulating our scalp will give us chills galore...
Sex Tip #3: Nurture and love us
As much as you might think that men want to be beaten and whipped into submission, the truth is that men want and need women to give us the kind of tender nurturing we almost never get in our daily lives.
If you compare the day-to-day interactions of men vs. women, you'd see that women get far more nurturing touch than men do.
In fact, if a guy is single, he gets almost no meaningful physical contact on any given day.
So when it comes to sex, guys want more loving touch that they don't get regularly on their own. It will both enhance and deepen the intimate contact you have in the bedroom.
Sex can be a care-taking event that leaves his emotional batteries charged for another day.
Sex Tip #4: Never judge or look disgusted with us
Guys want to be intimate with you - and to ask for stuff in bed - without feeling like we're being judged or criticized for it.
We need you to be open and loving, even if he comes up with something you're not down with trying.
Instead of looking revolted and turning him down right away, remember that you have to be gentle - or he might decide that he doesn't want to risk that kind of reaction from you ever again.
Which means he'll shut down and start to keep his sexual desires more secretively.
Or seek them out in "adult content."
Instead of refusing outright, redirect his request. Say something like, "Hey, why don't we do THIS... that would feel great..."
Keep things positive in the bedroom, too.
Don't tell him what you DON'T like. Tell him what you do.
Sex Tip #5: Respect him as a man in bed
Both men and women want emotional as well as physical satisfaction in bed. And many men feel like their masculinity is just as naked to a woman as they are when it comes to sex.
He wants to feel manly, and competent with you when it comes to lovemaking, which means he can't feel like he's in competition, either.
Men tend to be sexually dominant in the bedroom, and that's not a bad thing.
That doesn't mean one of you is better that the other. You can still be equals and allow him the ability to be the man.
Sex Tip #6: More meaningful eye contact & noise
One thing guys like to see is that you're there with us, present.
Just as much as you want him to be thinking about you and having sex with your body - not a daydream, we need that from you, too.
Having you close your eyes to go inside is expected when you're working to orgasm, but before you get completely absorbed in your work, let him know he's your focus - and your desire.
Make eye contact that says, "Yes! I want you!" - with an emphasis on the YOU.
Eye contact is incredibly sexy to us when we're in bed together.
And it's one thing you might notice is highlighted in men's porn. They know the psychology of men - and what we want when they make those movies, so there's a lot to learn from how the women behave.
Another unspoken desire is for you to let out some noise when things are getting hot and heavy. Even if it's the good old "Yes, yes..." or a few moans - you gotta let us know when we're doing things right.
Men complain that they don't get enough feedback in bed, and it's not something we can go back and analyze later.
So let us know that we're doing a good job - and that you're not bored.
Sex Tip #7: Head
Yup, BJs. Oral. You call it whatever you like, but it's bliss for men.
As a rule in intimate relationships, you can never give enough blow jobs.
Have I made my point?
The fact is that almost all healthy men enjoy it - whether we admit it in conversation or not.
Every single woman I know in a long-term relationship where they've been together for some time, and the relationship is solid, always credits this one act to keeping her man happy and faithful.
They call it "Love Insurance."
In fact, one lady friend I know calls it the secret to marriage - it's that potent.
There are several reasons, but two stand out the most:
- Physically, it just feels great. You can focus on the pleasure zones, teasing and tantalizing, and drawing out the ecstacy.
- If you're sincere and eager, there's nothing that feels better to his ego.
And not because he needs his manhood to be "worshipped" or any of that nonsense.
Men love it because it's a symbol and an act of ACCEPTANCE. Which is not something men get a lot of from women in general.
Not to mention, there is a little of "give to get" involved, so you can get your itch scratched when its time, too.
So there you go... 7 useful tips for making a man happier in bed.
But like I said, men are just as interested in a committed, long-term relationship as women. And if you want a guy to stick around after a steamy romp between the sheets, you can try my advanced strategies on making him want you 24/7.
When you're unhappy in a relationship it's one of the most difficult situations. When you've got relationship problems, everything else just seems to fade into the background, and you want to know how to fix it. You wish you had a Magic Pill that would turn your unhappy relationship into a healthy relationship. Whatever the […]
According to relationship experts, the best way to get over someone you love is to just "get over them". But, this is the worst advice ever for how to get over someone. Breaking up hurts. But it doesn't need to be constant suffering. If you want to know how to get through a breakup, that's […]
You can be in a real panic when a guy stops paying attention to you or ignores you. When you feel him slipping away, all you can think about is how to get his attention back fast - and without looking desperate. If you sense he has lost enthusiasm for you, you don't want to […]
Every relationship is awesome at the beginning. But it's also perfectly natural to have slow periods in your relationship. You may be wondering right now how to get the spark back in your relationship. Falling in love is easy when the feelings of passion and desire run high. Staying in love is a little trickier. […]
If you've ever been in a relationship where you want to get the attention you deserve, you might have found yourself feeling neglected and unwanted. You may have even told your friends "My boyfriend won't make time for me! What the heck should I do?" Let's tackle this tricky situation and give you the tips […]
A long-distance relationship can be one of the most challenging situations for dating. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work you gotta know what most women don't know! There are a lot of barriers to keeping a long distance relationship healthy. A lot of people don't believe that long-distance […]
If you've ever been in love with a guy and wondered: Is he just a friend or is he interested? - you're not alone. When a man and a woman hang out, even if they're only friends, there's always going to be a little bit of sexual tension. Many studies have shown that the number […]
One of the most controversial parts of dating and relationships is the age of your partner. Is it okay to date someone younger, older? If you're dating a younger man, you better know what to do. We often think about older women dating younger men as “cougars.” But that label is just not fair. You […]
One of the most common Romance novel plots is the rich, womanizing playboy that finds an amazing woman, realizes the error of his ways, and settles down to be tamed by this amazing woman. But is this realistic? Will a man change for the right woman? Well, we all change over the course of our […]
One of the most important milestones in a relationship is when you become exclusive. It's also one of the most anxious times for women because she's waiting for weeks or even months to figure out “Where is this going?" So let's talk about exclusive relationships, and when does a relationship become exclusive? In many surveys, […]