How to Use the Body Language of Men to KNOW He’s Hot for You - 7 Signs
By: Carlos Cavallo
Sometimes, it feels like the body language of men is this secret code that we have that nobody else can understand. Other times, we realize just how blatantly obvious that men can be.
Not sure if the guy you’re eyeing is interested in you?
Well, don’t look too closely, just learn the body language of men, it tells you everything.
Body language is a non-verbal communication expressed by posture, stance, and bodily movement. The person is unaware of the way he is reacting to a situation or someone else. This is why studying someone's body language when falling in love can be a great way to tap into his or her subconscious and true feelings.
Deciphering Body Language
The dating world can be a tricky one to navigate.
Texting etiquette, decoding subtle subtexts in your conversations, or even what outfit to wear out on a date can cause anyone to stress out about the whole dating scene. I've had friends who have temporarily deleted dating apps to give themselves a break from the sometimes confusing and frustrating world of online dating. And what about when you finally meet? That's an entirely different story with its own set of rules and social cues.
If there’s one way to read a person, it’s through their body language. What body language shows us is what a person is really thinking and feeling on the inside, despite what their words say.
If you want to know if a man is falling for you, or if he’s really in love with you at all, the shortcut to his truth is through reading his signals. Body language is a way for the secret thoughts and feelings he has to “leak” out into the real world.
I mean, let’s face it – guys don’t always tell you what’s on their minds – or in their hearts. Do you remember picking flower petals as a little girl and reciting: “He loves me… he loves me not…” ? As a girl, that was fun to play at – the hope and the promise of some boy’s interest in you.
In fact, it was almost more fun than KNOWING if he was interested, if you’re honest about it.
Once you KNOW, the mystery is gone.
Well, I’m assuming you want a better method for figuring out what he wants in your relationship.
Most of us focus on signs that don’t really show us what we need to see. We listen to what they tell us, but not watch what they do. Remember the saying, actions speak louder than words? It’s really true, especially when it comes to seeing if he’s genuinely interested in you. Understanding the body language of men is like learning a foreign language.
You may not think about this at first, but how a man's posture is around you could indicate whether or not he's interested in you. when you're spending time with a date, observe his posture.
For example, "is he consistently leaning towards you when you talk? If he does, it's an indication he's interested in you and what you have to say. However, If he is leaning away and seems focused on other things, he likely is bored or distracted, which is never a good sign.
Just think about how you behave when you're focused on something interesting. If you're into it, you're likely sitting in attention.
When both men and women are in love, they tend to show a genuine glare in their eyes. It’s normal for our eyes to shine when we see something we like. We focus only on what we’re interested in, causing the tear glands to be more stimulated than usual. This explains the singular brightness of the eyes in these situations.
This isn’t the only thing worth mentioning, though. One of the most revealing elements in the body language of a man in love is their fixed gaze. This gaze is the one that follows you wherever you go and the one that looks for you in a crowd.
It’s the type of gaze that doesn’t go anywhere else as long as you’re there.
There’s another very revealing aspect when it comes to a man’s gaze: he looks at your lips. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking or if you’re quiet. When it comes to a man in love, this type of look says it all. No words are needed.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and maybe they're right. If he makes eye contact with you while talking or seems to be staring at you, he probably finds you attractive. If however, he won't look you in the eye or is always looking at other things (like his phone), then he probably isn't into you.
Another way to tell if he's interested that seems like a no brainer is in his facial expression — particularly in his smile. He might not be grinning ear to ear the whole time, but if a man is having fun spending time with you, he'll likely bust out a smile or two. When a man feels really happy, he's not likely going to hide that fact.
In addition to their gaze, there are other facial gestures that can reveal a man’s interest.
For example, raising their eyebrows. If he arches his eyebrows a little bit when he’s with you, he’s probably interested in you.
The same goes for his smile. Love makes us keep a smile on our face all day long. This smile is basically an expression of how good we feel when we’re with the other person. If you have noticed your special someone is smiling at you more or if the smile lingers for a while, then he is probably falling for you.
This person is so happy to be around you and talking to you that he or she does not realize that the smile hasn't left.
It’s also common for a man in love to imitate the facial gestures of the woman they’re attracted to. They do this without even realizing it! He imitates what he admires. He won’t notice he’s copying your expressions because he’s only focused on trying to relate to you.
Just think of those butterflies you've felt when you've been really into someone, the feeling makes it almost impossible not to smile, so trust that if they're interested, they'll be feeling the same way as well.
Other Basic Tells
When a man feels attracted to you, he’ll show various unconscious gestures related to his personal appearance.
For example, he’ll start touching his hair. In addition, he may fix his tie, jacket, or any other article of clothing once you walk in the room. It’s a way to prepare himself so that you find him attractive as well.
Another very frequent gesture is resting his hand on the lower part of your back as if he were driving you. A lot of people may consider this gesture old-fashioned and possessive. However, this is a very masculine expression that gives away a man’s true feelings.
In addition, you’ll notice him leaning towards you when he’s talking to you. If he’s standing, especially at the moment you meet, he’ll pull out his chest and stand up straight. This is a position of empowerment. He’s preparing to go after what he wants.
For example, if the two of you are having dinner, he’ll start playing with the napkins or cutlery in the brief periods when he isn’t looking at you.
In many cases, the body language of a man in love is just like the one we’ve described in this article. It reveals attraction, admiration, and interest. You know a man truly loves you when he listens to you carefully, supports you, and is willing to pay attention to your desires and needs.
Okay, now that we have the basic groundwork of male body language, let’s move on to debunking some myths.
BODY LANGUAGE MYTH 1: Look at his pupils…
I used to actually tell guys to watch for this one, too. But after many years of using this as a signal – and having it be wrong – I decided that this advice is largely a myth.
Yes, you can sometimes see a person’s eyes dilated, and it is an involuntary response. But the reality is that there are too many other things that can affect it. And unless you’re a doctor with a penlight ready to go, you’re not going to see this signal easily.
My advice: Ignore the pupils – watch the eyes instead. I’ll talk more on this in a second.
BODY LANGUAGE MYTH 2: Which way is he facing…
Another popular body language signal for a guy being in love is that he’s going to face you directly – or his hips will align to face you… or his toes… or something along those lines. Well, yes, it’s true that if he’s facing you more directly, he’s giving you the majority of his attention. But it’s not guaranteed that he’s in love with you.
You need more to go on than just his body direction.
BODY LANGUAGE MYTH 3: One signal will tell you everything…
There’s a lot of belief that you can take any ONE body language signal and it will reveal his true feelings for you. Whether he loves you or not. This is an over-simplification. You can’t look for just one signal to tell you if he’s into you or not. You need to take in the big picture.
Studies have shown that women typically show about 52 different attraction body language signals – where men only show about 10. This means you have to be sharp and look for the ones that matter.
So let’s jump into the real body language signs men use to show their love…
Body Language Signs Men Use To Show Love
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #1: He goes little-boy awkward…
If you’ve ever seen a guy act embarrassed, you probably know how adorable it is. He starts to act like he’s a 6 year old again at the playground. When you pick up on this little-boy energy, you’ll know he’s finding feelings for you that he won’t have for just any woman.
He may get goofy, or he might even get clumsy and drop things. He might get embarrassed easily when you’re around. It’s this kind of sincere display that’s a great indicator of a man’s affection.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #2: He’s a mirror…
Mirroring is when we adopt the body language of the person we’re with. If they lean on the bar, we lean on the bar… If we start playing with our drink, they start playing with their drink… If they play with their clothes, we play with ours…
And so on. It’s the subconscious way we try to attune to another person. So, when he starts to mirror your posture, match your breathing and your speech patterns, then you know he’s showing his love.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #3: He steals your words…
Not only will a guy match your tonality, he’ll also start using the exact same words or phrases you’re using. It’s very common to hear a guy begin to talk like you as a way of syncing himself to you. It sends the message “We’re alike, you and I…”
Sometimes this is obvious, sometimes not. But listen for the words he uses with you and what they reveal. He’ll start to show his interest by reflecting back the same words and phrases you’re using.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #4: Delicate touch…
Guys treat their girls like beautiful dolls they get to admire. The awe that a man feels about your beauty is reflected in his body language as well. Men will often use their fingertips to delicately caress your skin… Or he might caress your hair… Or he might touch your arms or hands…
Light touch is a primitive way that a guy gets to experience the woman in his life. It’s both gently erotic as well as a way for him to express desire for you.
This might seem like an obvious one, but physical contact is one way to tell if he's interested.
To show interest, men are likely to throw out subtle, non-sexual touching if they're into you. It might be as simple as touching your arm while talking or briefly putting his hand on your shoulder when he's walking by you.
If a man totally keeps his hands to himself, he probably doesn't find you attractive. Do consider, however, that if someone refrains from physical contact, they could also just be respecting your space, which is not a bad thing, and doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't interested in you at all.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #5: STRONG touch…
Men like to lay claim to their “possessions.” Let’s face it, women do too. Women do this same exact same thing in their relationships. A woman will hang on her man or attend to his clothes or appearance. Fixing his hair, straightening his jacket… Leaning on him… To show what? POSSESSION. Ownership. That she’s his or vice versa.
The way a guy will do the same thing is to keep his arm around you, a very primitive show of his “ownership” of you as a girlfriend. “She’s mine” he’s saying. Or he might stand behind or close to you to show his domain.
These are all the innocent demonstrations of a guy that wants to keep the woman he loves close.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #6: Wow…
Humans are very prone to display something called “micro-expressions.” These are quick flashes of emotion that we cannot control. Paul Ekman is a leading researcher in this field. He’s even created software tools to train people to read these “lightning quick” displays.
Guys will give off a subtle expression flash of “WOW!” when they first see the woman they’re in love with. It’s involuntary, which means it’s reliable. But it’s also a very short window.
The initial display of desire is rarely there for longer than a fraction of a second. So you have to watch him show you the subtle signals, like:
His eyebrows rise
You catch a glimmer in his eyes
He flashes a toothy grin
He takes a quick breath in
His lips part for a second
You’ll catch him staring
All of those are very slight signals of interest from a man that happen very quickly. And you may find that you receive them so quickly that you wonder if what you’re feeling is real.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #8: Proximity
Have you ever felt the urge to physically be nearer to someone you're interested in romantically? That desire to get closer to someone you're interested in is true for men as well.
If he makes it a point to get closer to you, like when you're walking, that's a good indicator that he's into you. On the other hand, if he keeps a lot of physical distance between the two of you all night, he probably doesn't think of you romantically.
A good way to test this is to move in just a little bit closer, perhaps by leaning in to sit closer to him during dinner. If he maintains that closeness, he's probably interested.
A more subtle clue to look for if you're trying to read a man's body language is to take note of how he sits when he's next to you — particularly how he crosses his legs.
If a man crosses his legs in a way that turns his torso and upper body away from you, this could be a sign that he isn't interested. According to some, if a man is interested in a potential partner, they're going to turn their attention to you, figuratively and literally.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #9: Hand Holding
When a man is interested in you, one clear sign that usually doesn't need a lot of reading into is whether or not he holds your hand. "Hand-holding expresses a desire to connect," said Bennett. Naturally, when someone wants to connect with you, it's likely because they're interested.
From my personal experience, when one of my clients was newly seeing her current boyfriend, one of her earlier clues about whether or not he was interested in her was how he held her hand when he was walking her home one night after a date. Not only was it a sweet gesture, it was also one that told her that he was definitely interested.
BODY LANGUAGE LOVE SIGN #10: The BIG Picture – and your gut…
Ultimately, the best signal if a guy likes you is that he just asks you out. Or if you’re in a relationship, he just TELLS you how he’s feeling…
If he’s into you, enough to take action, then he will take action. All this effort to figure out whether a guy wants you or not is going to come down to the simple gestures that are direct and sincere. It’s not going to be a big complicated interpretation.
Beware the man that WON’T act based on his interest. Because the bottom line is that if he doesn’t ACT on his desire for you, it doesn’t matter how much he actually does desire you.
It’s not always obvious, though. Guys will hide their feelings from you.
Why does he do this? Mostly to give himself the illusion of control. Men don’t feel like they have any ability to steer the course of the relationship up front. He feels he has to:
Do everything to impress you...
Hope that you’ll decide he’s interesting enough to date him...
And that leaves guys in the weird place of being out of control when it comes to a relationship. It’s not pleasant for him.
So he may hide his true feelings from you…
In the end, you have to look at the big picture of what’s going on with him.
Do you get a body language signal that feels like he’s interested?
Do you get a sensation in your gut that he’s into you?
If you feel these things, they’re better than a handful of silly small signals that you have to interpret.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Body language doesn't just tell you all the ways he could be interested in you. There are also ways to tell if you should maybe keep your distance.
If a man shows signs of "aggressive or invasive body language," this is a red flag that you're probably dealing with a creep. Other examples of this, according to Bennett, are unwanted and continuous efforts at sexual touching and invading your personal space.
If this continues throughout the night, you might want to take precautions and call a friend, or have someone at the restaurant or bar call you a cab if you feel like slipping out inconspicuously is the safest way to go.
Whatever you do, if your gut is telling you that something about someone you're seeing doesn't feel quite right, trust your instinct. Stay safe!
Don’t Abuse Body Language
If you're playing the field and dating right now, try not to focus too much on whether or not someone's into you or not. While that matters to some degree, you should also keep in mind that dating and getting to know new people should be fun, too!
Even if a date doesn't turn into a long-term relationship, that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy that person's company while you're going out with them. And who knows, they may not become your boyfriend, but they could become a friend — you never know!
Body Language: A Secret Weapon
We all know that the average man has a hard time expressing his true feelings. Although this isn’t as pronounced as it was decades ago, there are still many men out there who can’t seem to connect with their emotional language.
This is one of the reasons why body language is so important: it reveals what the other person isn’t capable of expressing with words.
We’re always communicating with others. We sometimes do it with words, and other times we find other ways to express ourselves.
The truth is that our emotional language is sometimes capable of giving out more information about ourselves than our own words. In this sense, we’ll be describing the typical body language of a man in love in this article.
Non-verbal communication is the most sincere one out there. However, it can also be the most ambiguous.
On the other hand, love is one of those feelings that can block our verbal communication because of how intense it is, making us rely on our bodies instead.
When a guy loves you, you know it. If you’re in a relationship or not yet, he’ll still show you his feelings in a way that a woman can see.
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