So you want to learn how to make him miss you. You’ve listened to your friend’s advice, you’ve tried every trick in the back of Cosmo, including the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thing, and you’re striking out.
Don’t give up just yet, because in this article I’m going to give you some guidance on how to make him miss you.
Early in a relationship, you hear it all the time:
“I miss you!”
“I miss you MORE…”
“I miss you the MOST!”
Yeah, it’s kind of teenager-y to go back and forth like this, but you get the point… When you’re first falling for someone, you can never get enough of the other person. They’re always on your mind. You miss them even when you’re WITH THEM, for gosh sakes.
The quote, “But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.” ? Calla Quinn, All the Time by the way, is absolutely true. Missing someone is a sign that you truly care about them and that their presence isn’t easy to replace.
But as with any new thing, time goes on, that angst begins to diminish and you begin to long for the connection you felt at the start.
And that’s when you probably realize: “I miss him missing ME!”
All humans crave that feeling of being wanted and desired by another. It gives us a feeling of value we crave.
So today, we’re going to take a quick plunge into the world of getting him to miss you – AND want you again.
If you’re trying to make him miss you, then there are ten essential ways to go about it. These methods are proven assets and can be very effective when it comes to pulling on his heartstrings and keeping him all yours.
The feelings that accompany being apart are powerful in their own ways. The passion, the longing, and the desire that come when you’re separated can be a fire that keeps your relationship burning.
As was once stated by Juliet of Shakespearean fame, “parting is such sweet sorrow.”
This is supported by science. It is proven that being with someone you love produces a surge of serotonin and dopamine. The more time he spends with you, the more addicted to that surge he becomes.
When he’s not with you, his body craves those chemicals.
You will literally become like a drug. He’s addicted to you – and, as a result, he can go into withdrawal if he’s apart from you for any noticeable length of time. Essentially, if he’s yearning for you, then you’re doing things right.
It appears that absence really does make the heart grow fonder! It’s hard to think of something that can make us feel better than being told that someone we care about misses us when we’re apart.
Whether it’s been 24 hours since your last date, or several weeks if you’re in a long-distance relationship, spending a long time apart can actually be helpful for your relationship with your significant other.
You can take the time by yourself to relax a bit and decompress from the demands of a relationship.
And not only does having time away from your love give you the opportunity to enjoy a bit of alone time or hang out with your girlfriends, but it may also give you both time to reflect on the state of the relationship and appreciate that you’ve got a good thing going.
Maybe you took a break, or maybe you’re struggling at the moment to get him to love you, you’ll find tips here you can use. Without further ado, here’s a list of the ten best ways to make him miss you!
How To Make Him Miss You – TIP 1: Pause The Communication…
I know it’s hard to not reach out to that special person if you’re missing him. Of course, you want to be in constant communication with him. But if you really want him to miss you, then give him the opportunity to miss you.
Make him miss you.
He can’t miss you if you keep communicating with him, right?
Give him a reason to miss you.
Stop calling and texting him. If you continue reaching out, he will never have a reason to miss you.
And yes, this includes social media. Here’s why… There’s a basic psychological principle I want you to understand…We want what we can’t have. I know, I know. Brilliant, Carlos. You just summed up all the game-playing of the last century.
But hear me out… The key to triggering desire for something – or someone – lies in how much we think it’s ours for the taking. It’s true of nearly EVERYTHING in your life, whether you believe it or not. I GUARANTEE you that if you really keenly want a hot sports car now, you’ll want it less AFTER you actually get it.
I GUARANTEE you that if you really really want that beautiful jacket now, you’ll want it less AFTER you actually get it. It’s human nature… You can want it to be different, but it won’t ever be. Not in your lifetime, anyway.
And that’s GOOD news! Because that empowers you to steer a man away from some other shameless manipulator and into your arms. Instead of that other woman getting him. I’ll tell you more about how that works in a minute…
How to Make Him Miss You Tip 2: Add a Little Mystery…
There’s a reason why when we watch a trailer for a movie we can’t wait to watch the movie. Because we get, of course, a taste of what the movie is all about but we have no idea what the whole full picture is about. We certainly don’t know how it ends.
The same thing can happen when you’re first getting to know a new guy. (This is especially true if you’re using dating apps, where there is, for some reason, a propensity for grilling every man and getting as much detail about his life, career, and history as possible before even that first date!)
You don’t need to tell him your three biggest life accomplishments on that first date.
Spread it out a little bit. Keep him wanting more. Maybe you mention how you broke your arm in 12th grade, but then say well, that’s a story for another date! That makes him look forward to the next time you’re together, when he can ask you about that crazy scar on your elbow.
While it may be tempting to tell him about everything right away, that takes away so many great conversation points for the future.
Think of all the things that you can talk about if you pace it correctly and keep him in suspense: relationship history, funny family stories, why you love your job…
I get it. You’re bonding with this man, and you want him to know everything there is to know about you, and vice versa.
But doling out this data over time helps keep the relationship moving at a slow, steady pace (see #4), and always gives you more to talk about.
And when he believes there’s more depth to you, when he knows he wants to keep seeing you… he’s going to miss you.
He’s going to want to dive into that complex person that is you, even if you only give him a tiny portion at a time.
How To Make Him Miss You – TIP 3: Trigger His Memory…
This one is pretty slick – and I believe it’s the reason women know to use perfume when courting a guy… Here’s a classic trick that works:
Send him a postcard (You ever see one of those before? People used to use them all the time to brag about where they were vacationing…) But not just any postcard. Simply address it to him.
Put a big fat red kiss on it in red lipstick, and cover it with some tape so it doesn’t smudge. Then, spray the postcard with your perfume and mail it to him. Or, heck, just stick it under his door…
When he sees the lip print and inhales your scent, it will trigger his memory of you. Our sense of smell is directly connected to our deepest memories, and can trigger his emotions in an instant.
He’ll be smelling that card daily, triggering his memories of you.
Over and over and over… This one is guaranteed to do all the right things and get him obsessed.
How to Make Him Miss You – TIP 4: Cut him off… Become Someone worth Missing
Steve and Mary always have a great time together. They crack each other up. They have dozens of inside jokes between the two of them.
Oftentimes, it’s like they have a language all their own. It’s clear that Steve enjoys spending time with Mary. On the other hand, Jen and Dan bicker a lot when they’re together. Dan always prepares for Jen’s nagging, because it feels like she’s always doing it. Spending time together is not a pleasure.
It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to deduce which relationship is happier, and which couple will miss each other more when they’re apart. It’s Steve and Mary!
Humans are actually very simple. Either we pursue pleasure or we avoid pain. If, when he’s with you, he’s laughing, he enjoys your company, he’s connecting with you, and he gets compliments from you, he’s going to feel pleasure being with you, and he’s going to want more of that.
On the other hand, if your relationship is more like Jen and Dan’s, all he’s hearing is you nagging for every little thing he does.
The two of you might argue often, even though you care deeply for one another. And in that case, all that he’s going to feel is pain. This will not lead to him missing you. He may, in fact, choose to get away from you as often as he can!
The secret to how to make him miss you? Be an awesome girlfriend and partner. Greet him with a hug and a smile.
Make him feel special. What man doesn’t love that?
If you have negative things to say, try holding them in. Or at least spread them out so your man doesn’t get hit by a barrage of criticism every time you’re together. Find constructive ways to bring up things that bother you, and you’ll be more likely to solve those issues than you would be by nagging him.
If you’re in contact with him now, you need to use this one.
The big mistake I see many women make with guys is to spend TOO MUCH time with him. When you do that, you’re ruining your romantic value to him. This is directly connected to TIP 1 – except now you have to manage how much time he gets with you.
Don’t let your self-control ruin your chances with him…
Keep your dates short…
Keep your time together limited…
We don’t fall in love with someone when they’re with us…
We fall in love while we’re wishing they were with us.
Never enough time...
When he’s actually with you, he’s satisfied. He’s getting nearly everything he wants. (Well, most of what he wants…)
When he’s not with you, he’s DIS-satisfied. Which is the state we men LOVE the most.
It inspires us to work, to chase, to pursue that which we want most.
Men don’t act out of complacency and comfort…
We act out of our DIS-satisfaction.
Remember this rule above all else.
How To Make Him Miss You – TIP 6: Stop Forcing It
You might be trying too hard. Not all men are stupid. Sometimes, men can tell when you’re trying to subtly grab their attention – especially when your version of subtle is about as sneaky as a burping cow walking on bubble wrap.
If, when you’re apart, you’re
a) tagging him in social media (even in photos that he’s not involved in);
b) sending non-stop DMs and photos to grab his attention;
c) posting pictures with other guys to make him jealous; or
d) texting his friends and family to see what everyone’s up to, then that’s not going to make him miss you.
It may, however, freak him out. Take a step back and stop trying to be omnipresent. People don’t tend to like stalkers. They get kind of scared by them.
The best way to make him miss you is to be absent. You’re not really absent if you’re popping up on social media or text messages every five seconds. When you’re apart, go away. And I mean that in the absolute best way possible.
But you don’t need to constantly pop up in his feed for him to think about you and make him miss you. The less you’re around, the more likely he is to reach out to get your attention.
Don’t simply just sit around all pouty-faced with your arms crossed, scheming up ways to make him miss you. Get a life. Find things to do. That way you’ll have a lot of interesting things to talk about, and you won’t be sitting around, hoping he’ll give you a call.
How To Make Him Miss You – TIP 7: Make Him Your Friend…
If there’s one thing that guys hate, it’s being in the FRIEND ZONE… Ask any man, and he’ll tell you exactly 2,458 times that he liked a woman and was told:
“I’m not sure I feel that way about you…”
“I don’t think about you like that…”
“Can we just be friends?”
Usually with an “Aw! You’re so sweet!” and an infuriating peck on the cheek right afterwards. (As I’m writing this, I’m getting major flashbacks…)
HOWEVER… There’s a good part of that experience for some guys, and that’s the time period where we’re wondering IF we’re just friends.
I’ll bet you can relate to that feeling, yeah? So let him wonder a little bit. I’ll bet that if you’re wondering about him right now, there’s a good chance he thinks you’re too available for him to take seriously.
So take that away. Stop making it so obvious you’re into him…
Treat him like he’s just a “friend” instead of chasing boyfriend material and he’ll aspire to be your boyfriend. Remember, these quirks of psychology are in his head – whether you want them to be or not. It’s how humans work.
So why not use them for something good? Like getting him invested in you… Instead of another woman doing it… because sooner or later another woman will use these tactics on him and you don’t want him to wind up someone else’s boyfriend.
How To Make Him Miss You & Want You – TIP 8: Don’t Overwhelm Him…
He needs time away from you to miss you. He won’t miss you if you’re right there next to him 24/7.
Now, this may sound a little cliché, but one common theme I’ve noticed in all relationships is that men usually want a little more space than women do. Men are very different from women, and that’s something you’ll have to accept.
If he needs a healthy amount of space, you’ve got to give it to him in order to let him miss you.
Encourage him to go out with his bros to play football or have a video game tournament. Don’t spend every night of the week at his house, even if he invites you. He — just like you — needs distance from you in order to feel closer to you.
Sounds funny, but it’s true. And while you’re at it, assess your own need for space. If you find that you never ever want space from him, it’s time for you to start finding your own space anyway.
It’s not healthy for couples to spend all their time together. It can cause you to neglect your friends, family, and self.
You can start to rely too much on this man (and, in my mind, you always need just a dose of independence for yourself) and lose your identity.
As a result, even if you don’t want space for yourself, it’s good for you both, and it’s one of the easiest ways to make him miss you.
Find things that you can do instead of looking lovingly into his eyes all day.
Create your own little space away from him. It could be as simple as reading every morning with your coffee, even if you two live together. Or taking a vacation on your own.
The more space that you both have, the more you’ll miss one another and have lots to talk about when you connect again. And it’ll set the course for a healthy marriage when the time comes.
Are you woman of mystery...?
Not all married couples prioritize alone time; 29% say they don’t have enough alone time or time for themselves. This is easily preventable if you take the time to carve out time independent of one another, so know that doing so now is a great relationship practice for down the road.
How To Make Him Miss You & Want You – TIP 9: Move Slower Than He Wants…
You may not have taken control of the pace of the relationship. You might have rushed things and overwhelmed him. You didn’t let him miss you. You gave all of yourself to him right from the start, and then there was nothing to miss.
A lot of women assume that just because a guy really wants to keep seeing them, they should let him do just that. They think that they should be as available as he wants them to be.
Don’t go too quickly. Brake-check the relationship.
Let him have his space. Let him yearn for you a little bit because that space is going to allow you to get to know each other slowly, which ultimately is better for the foundation of a solid and committed relationship.
I’ve seen it happen far too often: couples spend every waking moment together from the start. They do everything that can together, and end up having sex rather quickly. Then things fizzle within weeks, and nobody knows what happened.
I know what happened. They took things too fast and suddenly the entire relationship just burns up into flames.
On the other hand, controlling the pacing of how things happen is completely in your hands, and it absolutely is one of the secrets to how to make him miss you. Maybe the first few weeks, you decide you’ll only see him on weekends, and never stay the night. Over time, you might have a sleepover every few weeks.
That can increase as you get closer, but always be prepared to have time off from one another, or go home after a date rather than crashing at his house.
Kelley Johnson, PhD, a clinical sexologist based in North Carolina, says that it’s absolutely critical to have the conversation about the speed of your relationship early:
“Talking about [your boundaries] early on and making sure your partner is on the same page and has an understanding of who you are is so important.”
Setting boundaries early keeps you from hurting his feelings later when you say you want some space, or want to give him some. But you’ll both benefit from it. He’ll miss you, I guarantee.
How To Make Him Miss You & Want You – TIP 10: Trigger Curiosity…
The women that attract men know the secret to winning a man’s heart is not between his legs – it’s between his ears. When you can trigger the right thoughts in his head, his heart will open up to you. Mystery and intrigue are the key emotion you want him to associate with you.
The more he thinks he KNOWS you and has you figured out, the less romantic control you have… And the less of a relationship you’ll have as well.
When you’ve got him wondering about you, you are only days away from having him fall in love with you – and likely falling in love with you all over again. He’ll want you more than anything else. Or anyONE.
When a man makes you his priority, you’re always on his mind. He’s thinking about you, obsessing about you, and fantasizing about being with you… If you can make a Capricorn man think about you all the time –He’s YOURS.
He’ll feel a warm pull towards you that’s irresistible. When he sees you, he’ll feel a surge of exquisite desire for you… His hunger to be near you and looking at you will be insatiable – You’ll catch him adoring you with his eyes all the time…
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