Wouldn't you love it if you woke up in the morning and you saw a text from your man that said, "I miss you!"? How do you make a man miss you like this?
We all love to be missed by someone. And most everyone wants to know that they're DESIRED enough to be missed...
That our presence means something to someone.
Back when I was actively (and aggressively) dating, I discovered some very interesting things about myself. Mostly, about how I (a guy) thought about women.
One of the best things is knowing he's thinking of you... FIRST.
I kept these thoughts in a notebook. And when I started coaching other guys on how to be better at dating, I chronicled that stuff, too. It was a great educational experience, and it's insider secrets like those that I'm passing on to you in these articles.
If you want a man to feel your presence and desire you so strongly that he aches when you're not around, I've got a few things you can do to get that to happen.
Let's start with:
STEP 1: Stop The Try-Hard...
When your emotions get involved, and especially that desire to connect with a man, you're going to find yourself saying WTF a lot.
WTF? Why won't he respond? Why does he keep pulling away harder when I move in?
WTF? Why did I do THAT? Oh, man that was needy...
WTF? Why am I freaking out? I'm going crazy!
There are a dozen "WTF" moments in our day - easily. From that obnoxious driver that cut you off, to the questions that plague you about why you're not feeling the love you're giving out each day.
Sometimes these moments are just your mind catching up to your heart. Your heart wants connection, and you find yourself doing things that seem to cut you off from the connection you desire. Those "freak out" moments, if you will.
When you catch yourself doing this with a guy, you're probably entering the "Try-Hard Zone".
The Try-Hard Zone is when you find your needs aren't getting met. That's when you act out your needs by:
Calling when you know you've talked to him enough...
Texting him when you know you're just seeking some reassurance with a reply...
Putting up trial balloons to see if he really does feel about you the way you need him to...
And on and on and on...
This list could go on for quite a while. I'm betting you've done stuff like this in the past, yes?
What it all comes down to is trying to make him miss youinstead of LETTING him miss you.
This is a very important distinction - Making vs. LETTING.
Men may appear thick when it comes to what your emotional experience is, but there's one thing we sense instantly:
When a woman is trying - indirectly - to get us to want her. Or trying to get us to show some "sign" that reassures her insecurities about where she stands in the relationship.
We don't always register it in our rational brain, but we FEEL it. It's the one thing every man has been trained to recognize by his previous relationships.
These are the "hey, look at me!" show-off things that we used to do on the playground to get someone's attention...
Posting on Facebook in the hopes he'll notice it and like it...
Using any kind of social media in an attempt to get into his head-space...
Pretending to be casual when you're really doing something intentionally...
Texting mutual friends to get attention...
Posting pictures that are intended to get him jealous...
Red flag #1 - Neediness.
Those are examples of "can't get away from her" behavior that makes men push women away to get a little breathing space.
If you're finding this kind of neediness or ache in your heart frequently in your relationship, there's a good chance you're going to make him feel smothered.
"But Carlos - He started it!"
I hear that a lot - that the man pulled away first, which only triggered her desire for connection.
Well, yeah - that can happen, but there's a really good chance that there were other things leading up to his withdrawal. Sure, some guys just have a low threshold for 'together time,' but you also have to make sure you're getting your batteries charged elsewhere, too. Not SOLELY in your love relationship!
Don't be try-hard.
Just be the space he wants to fall into...
STEP 2: Give him the gift...
What gift could that be?
Why none other than the gift of SPACE.
You see, one thing I learned in my self-analysis and training to be a "guru" was that nothing makes a person feel longing more than ABSENCE.
I long for Thai food if it's been absent in my life for too long...
I long for a good 3D action movie if it's been a long time...
I long for a big hug from my honey when we've been apart for a while...
Space... The final frontier?
You know the saying:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Yeah, I know this one has become a bit of a cliché - probably to the point where most women hear this ("Give him space!") and promptly ignore it the second they hear it. Kind of like that advice someone gives you about "being patient" - who hasn't heard that advice a billion-and-one times?
The reality is that men NEED more space than women do.
And women need more closeness than men do...
How do we get past this obvious contradiction?
Can we ever reconcile this HUGE difference between men and women?
Yes you can. And you MUST if you're going to have a successful relationship.
Well, when you have the need, you also have the responsibility that comes with it. If you're not getting your 'closeness' needs met, then you have to work to fill that tank up from many different sources. (And yes, it's also HIS responsibility to manage his space needs, if he's not getting enough.)
But the best thing you can do for your man is to PREDICT his needs for space. You're the woman - and that means you've got the better sensitivity regarding your relationship. Guys tend to miss signals (even their own internal ones) and end up messing up their attraction dynamic.
Give him enough, and he'll be ready to be with you.
Watch him for his behavior patterns that tell you he's been a little too close...
Because guys really do crave closeness to the woman in their life, to the point where we jump in headfirst. And then we suddenly rebound from that closeness when our masculine needs for space kick in.
When you sense this, be the one to push back a bit and give him space - before he even realizes he needs it!This is one of the fundamental truths of relationships that is key to a strong attraction dynamic in your love...
STEP 3: Over-Separate...
Honestly, if you can do this step right, you'll never have a problem making men miss you or desire you ever again.
It's actually the other end of the spectrum from pushing him or forcing him to miss you.
This is where you move slower than he wants to go...
It sounds simple, but it's hard to do when the person you want seems to open the doors wide to let you in. It's what all guys do in relationships at the start - when they're feeling a high level of sexual attraction.
This is like a "test" that men do - without realizing it. And most women fail it.
I get it, and yeah - it feels like a nasty trick he's pulling on you!
Be the turtle, and slow down...
After all, you want to dive in and show him how awesome you are, and what he's got right here in your relationship...
But I'll also be honest about this: Most people (men and women) don't understand HOW to do this step well.
What happens is this: We feel the need to get our need filled FIRST - and this makes us lose patience. We stop doing what's working and we start to rush things along.
We jump in and try to CONTROL love!
Raise your hand if you've ever tried to push, influence, steer, guide, or otherwise NOT let love take its natural course...
(I'm raising my own hand over here...)
In order to fully captivate a man, you have to be operating at a pace that is SLOWER than he wants to go!
You have to over-separate yourself from your man for him to really miss you. That means pull away a bit further, stay quiet on Facebook a little longer, avoid texting...
...a little longer than he wants!
OVER do it from your point of view. This is the essence of challenge that a man MUST feel if he's ever going to fall in love with you...
I'd even go so far as to say you need to break up with any man that doesn't, isn't, or won't chase you.
Did you just flinch at reading that? Good!
That is the secret of how those "special" women manage to have guys always chasing them.
LOOK: If everyone got a "Championship" ring for everything they did, no one would feel motivation to try a little harder. We see this in kids today when they're not allowed to "compete" in a healthy way.
Human nature - especially men - is to work for the TROPHY!
MEN don't want victory GIVEN to us.
That cheapens our feeling of accomplishment. And when it comes to love, a man has to feel like HE WON YOU. Not the other way around.
In fact, we resent the feeling of an easy victory. It makes us feel ripped off - and we'll start looking around just to see if we might actually deserve more.
LAW: All things of value feel SCARCE.
Let HIM be is the victor.
I've got a few married friends that feel this way - that SHE won HIM... and guess what? He rarely works all that hard to make her feel loved and cherished.
Don't let all the current gender rhetoric confuse this in your head: Men are the knights seeking the hand of the lady.
Let me suggest that you discover the secrets of Cleopatra... the one woman that men have desired more than any other. She's mythic in her power because she actually understood these laws of attraction and used them to rule not only a nation but to conquer the most powerful men in ROME - Caesar and Marc Antony...
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