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Relationship Tips & Advice
I wish I could say that men don't judge books by their covers... In fact, I wish I could say that women don't judge by the cover as well.
But we know that we're only human, and we have certain "weaknesses."
The weakness of women can sometimes be her vanity, and it's also a man's weakness as well.
So when I tell you that it's a good idea to catch a man's eye to start his attraction for you, you probably already know that I'm not simply dishing out some sexist spiel.
Before I delve into this rather racy topic, I want to say up front that you may have been misinformed by today's fashion magazines and confusing media messages.
You do NOT need to have a skinny, stick-bug figure to attract men.
IN FACT, most women of healthy - and even voluptuous - curves understand that men are slack-jawed in the presence of a woman who can carry that figure with confidence. (And none of the media induced guilt that goes with it.)
The real TRUTH is that (as my uncle once reminded me) - guys want something to HOLD ON to. Which is to say, a woman with some meat on her bones.
You do want to be in shape, but don't worry about the whole "is my ass too big?" thing... If you're asking that question, it's probably VERY right for him.
And last caveat: I'm not promoting women as sexual objects. I'm promoting all humans as being "sexual objects" in a sense.
But we have to temper that with the understanding of human emotions and souls under the surface that we have to recognize.
And NOW - let's talk about the areas of a woman's body that are most eye-catching...
As ZZ Top once celebrated, Lord take me downtown... I'm just looking for some Tush!
Guys love butts.
No ifs or ands about it.
Why? Because it represents the thing that women have that draws the male eye: Curves.
Look at the most celebrated sports cars and you'll see that hint and gleam of overt sexual curves in every one of those machines. There's no coincidence there.
So as Sir Mix-a-lot once preached:
"Deep in the jeans she's wearing"
"I'm hooked and I can't stop staring..."
Celebrate your butt, no matter what size you got. Men love 'em all.
Note that I did NOT say big boobs. There's a difference here.
Cleavage is the tease of breasts, because every man wants to touch the divine feminine. And it must have something primal for women as well, because women's eyes are drawn to cleavage as much as men's in every scientific test.
As the old joke goes, why do men find them so attractive? Because we don't have them.
In fact, all the overtly sexual parts of a woman do this. Hips, butt, boobs, legs, you name it. Even shiny, lustrous hair indicates a healthy diet.
Cleavage should be worked to maximum advantage.
This category is the one that most women are unaware of these days. Mostly because ads are rarely subtle enough to use them.
Here are a few of the places on a woman's body that will stretch his attention - and the fabric of his Levis - if played correctly:
- Back of neck: There's a certain allure to the fine line of hairs on the nape of every woman's neck. There's a great scene in the movie "Body Heat" where Kathleen Turner lifts her hair on a hot bus, knowing she's being watched. I've only seen that scene once, but I will never forget it.
The bare-back look of many dresses play on the sensual nature of a woman's back. After all, seeing your back naked (no bra strap) is just a hint of the delight of having you completely in the buff. And yes, believe it or not, men think about that frequently.
- Throat, wrists, ankles: These areas are vulnerable parts of our anatomy. As such, our early ancestors protected these areas...
AND decorated them to catch the eye with jewelry - bracelets, necklaces, etc.
Any coincidence? Nope.
Okay, enough about your natural assets, let's talk about how to put these into action:
Use jewelry to draw his eyes to the sexual areas of your body. And also use self-caressing to draw his eye to them sensually.
Wow, I'm getting hot just writing this...
You'll also notice that women often tattoo the areas I mentioned in the "assets" section. Right down to the small of the back.
What you should work into your body language is frequent self-touch. It's not only a sign of self-confidence, it's irresistible to men.
It's so rare to see a woman unabashedly enjoying her own sexuality. Many men are brainwashed into thinking women don't enjoy their sexual side.
(Hey, I'm working on fixing their brains. But some guys are thicker than others.)
Let your hands wander around your body while you're out and about. Slow, languid movements that say, "I adore myself."
And trust me - he'll be eager to lavish his adoration on you. The woman a man is most attracted to is the woman who obviously loves herself.
Every woman has some comfy clothes in her wardrobe, and a few that don't serve her femininity. Some of it is stuff that is great for work, but not so great for arousing attraction in a man.
Which means, if you do go out and socialize, or meet up with guys after work, you will want to have something to change into.
Again, keep in mind that a man's eye is drawn to you first. So get some advice about your "assets" - and then sculpt your wardrobe around them.
Could be your hair, your hips, your eyes, your legs...whatever.
Use clothes not only as an expression of you, but also as a promotion of you.
Yeah, you're probably going to get tired of this one, but it's true. And there's no getting around it....
Men love a woman that loves to flirt and play with men's sexual energy.
In a healthy, non-shaming, non-judgmental way.
Even when you're being propositioned by guys on Facebook, online dating, Tinder, whatever...
He's testing to see what boundaries you have, and if you'll fall into the "let's just have some fun" category, or the "she's a possible keeper" category.
These guys are caught in a vicious cycle of seeing that sexual constraints have lowered so much that he can now simply look for the easiest women. Who he inevitably loses interest in as soon as he gets what he wants.
This is a cycle that you cannot win...
And you should definitely not participate in!
You only have to know how to ramp up the electricity at the start so that he can't ignore you. A little constructive teasing is all it takes to hook his fascination.
Looking pretty isn't a function of how much makeup you can put on.
I'll tell you - straight from a man's heart - many women don't know how to be tasteful with their use of makeup.
I was in a local restaurant recently, and our server had that super-strong eye makeup that was like something out of an Egyptian mural. Way too much.
And you could tell that she was an expert at making this "her look."
In reality, understated is ALWAYS better. Men look at a woman and in 5 seconds can figure out if you look like a plastic airbrushed Barbie that is about 3 hours from her natural self, or a woman that uses makeup sparingly.
Use makeup to accentuate your best features. Not to turn yourself into a completely fictional person. (i.e., someone who's not you.)
Remember the golden rule of makeup: The best makeup looks like you're not wearing any at all.
Something few men talk about is how he can "read" a woman's body language to figure out how she feels about herself.
ALL women are beautiful to us men. Some are more attractive to certain men.
Your radiance is the part of your attitude that projects out from your sense of self.
Here are a couple of the self-sabotaging behaviors your insecurities and occasional low moods will throw at you:
Look, we all get down on our image every once in a while. But what you don't want to do is ride that attitude into a social situation.
Take a few minutes to meditate on your strengths. Maybe read a few affirmations that resonate with you from your journal.
In short, do whatever it takes to lose the Debbie Downer attitude about your feminine radiance.
Most of your beauty originates in your state of mind. If you feel unattractive, guys will pick up on this - like an out-of-tune guitar.
When you're feeling ON and happy, it's 100 times easier to connect with men.
Remember, you want them drawn TO you, like a magnet. You never want to have to reverse roles and start pursuing men.
That stance may be endorsed by the "hip" crowd that the media endorses, but it rarely works in real life.
Yes, there are good men out there. It's true.
But you can't find them if you're letting the first man you meet be your next best prospect.
Be discriminating. Hold him to a higher standard right from the start.
Most men who would be a great partner turn into slackers in relationships because the woman did all the work for him at the start. So he just skated along on the lowest level of commitment and energy he could get away with.
We all do this to some degree, but more so with women in relationships.
If you keep him on his toes right from the get-go, you'll notice that he will step up his game right away. And he'll know what's expected of him.
Most guys that seem "commitment phobic" are simply bored with relationships that don't make them grow at all.
So it begs the question: What happens after you get your foot in the door with your stunning looks?
Guys who are going to stick around will always look for substance beyond the pretty packaging. Give him something he CAN'T resist by checking out this video I just put up.