START HERE - RELATIONSHIP GUIDES:
Relationship Tips & Advice
Someone you know picks a guy out of a hat for you and expects that you two would hit it off and make a wild new love affair that the poets will write about for centuries...
It almost NEVER works out that way...
In fact, you're usually disappointed at the results.
But we do it again and again, in the hopes of hitting the jackpot...
Well, don't despair! There IS gold in them thar hills! You CAN make your blind dates positive, promising, and - dare I say it? - FUN.
And I want to show you how to mine it, shape it, and get it around your ring finger of your left hand.
Let's start out with some of the "Ugly Truths" of blind dates so that we set our expectations correctly:
The sore truth is that most of our friends mean well for us. They really do.
And they also really aren't "thinking" when they set us up. Most people don't really understand what kind of foundation is required to trigger or spark a real romance that works.
It's incredibly hard. Take it from me, I've been doing this for 40 years, and I didn't get anywhere near right for 30 of them. (I'm trying to save you from all my mistakes!)
So when our friends set us up, they rarely think about chemistry or shared values...
Which, while a bit short-sighted and selfish, is good if it actually creates a romance, right?
So keep in mind that blind dates are usually blind for the people setting them up, too. They're blind to what would really make a good connection for you.
We go along with these blind dates based on one thing, usually: The desire to meet someone that someone else can vouch for. It's a chain of TRUST.
And for a woman this is huge.
You want to know this guy is safe, responsible, has something in common with you, etc.
We want to stay with methods of meeting people that connect us to someone we know because our social tribe keeps us feeling safe and in our element.
Just realize that this can work if you take a bit of time to make sure your friends understand what you need to create that connection with him.
It's always going to be weird to meet someone new, no matter how well vetted and reviewed they are.
It's instinctive for humans to be cautious and nervous around new people. It's not something you can overcome instantly.
But you can focus on opening yourself up before the date.
Priming is something that we're not told about but has a significant effect on our life without us even knowing how it's guiding us.
They (those crazy scientists) performed an experiment where they split people into two groups.
One group held a mug full of hot coffee. The other group held a mug full of ice cold water.
Later they had the two groups meet a complete stranger. They were then asked to record how they felt about that person.
This is a gut process that we often think of as "instinct." But in reality, it's just your conditioning getting in your way.
Prime yourself for success and gratitude BEFORE you go on the date. Focus on 3 things you're grateful for, and do this as part of your morning ritual.
You'll find that your heart is more open in the process of meeting this new guy, and you might see more there than you would if you'd been holding the ice cold mug of water...
And this leads us right into my next tactic for you:
You may have heard a bit of both sides of this one.
First impressions are neither right NOR wrong...
They just ARE.
I believe you have to respect your first impression by recognizing it.
If something feels good, why is that? If it feels weird to you, why is that?
Quantify that feeling in your body, and see where it comes from - and why.
Once you know why you feel that way, now you can decide whether to:
And you don't want to make a mistake - like possibly meeting your soulmate and then finding it out later - when he's engaged to someone else.
The best way to kill the possible romance in a blind date is to go in expecting a hot dreamboat (insert your favorite male celebrity's name here) and come up with something closer to George Constanza from "Seinfeld."
Lose the expectations while you're at it. They only ensure your disappointment with Reality. Lose your expectations, but don't lower your standards.
Even if you're normally a bit on the sarcastic and snarky end of the spectrum (I'm guilty of this), you should do everything you can to stay positive and light with your conversation.
Looking back on my past dates, I see now that those I started off with a dark edge never went anywhere. Even if we both shared that sarcastic humor and direction, it only colored our attitudes toward each other.
If he starts complaining or going negative, you stay on the lighter side. I believe that women can take a powerful role in all relationships by being leaders - and help men to show their better side.
Let's be brutally real here: A drink is good to loosen up and relax - if you're okay with alcohol and you have it under your control.
But after 2 drinks, there is a distinct haziness that creeps in. It can make people THINK they're attracted when they're just lowering their boundaries a bit too much.
And I'm not only referring to alcohol here. Any substance can alter your perceptions - and possibly cloud them.
Watch the alcohol...
You want to have your eyes wide open for the blind date.
Let's be real: Life is absurd.
If you don't believe this, take a look at the "news" on any website you happen to visit.
I firmly believe that everything in life can be joked about - from the cruel and 'serious', to the ridiculous and insane.
From the guys that burp and fart during the meal, to the time you tripped on your own skirt or woke up naked on his couch.
It's all funny in retrospect, so why not get started laughing now?
Which definitely leads me to this next tip...
Sometimes you're going to run into a complete turkey. This guy's going to make you wonder if he's the one guy in charge of trolling all the Youtube videos leaving idiotic comments.
Very often there's a temptation to suddenly sit there and stew in it. You get caught up in the "Oh, crap, here I go again. This SUCKS!" attitude.
This is what many Buddhists would call "resistance" and it just leaves YOU unhappy.
Get him to dance with you, or go put on a new song, or walk with you to a store.
If he's still a schmuck, lose him and get on with your life. I never advocate wasting your precious time with an idiot.
Just take a minute to let him know where you're coming from and why you're not enjoying his company.
Oh yeah, I know - it's not a comfortable thing to do. But there's a good chance it's coming from his nervousness, and there's an even bigger chance he's never heard about his annoying behavior.
You could be the one that wakes him up.
But don't sit there and wallow in your polite misery. Just forge your own path to get what you want.
I mentioned that I believe women can take the leadership role in the date. That doesn't mean that you have to organize the date or lead him through it.
What I mean is that women can lead from the heart, while her date might be following with his ... er, sex drive.
This is okay - since it's the way men and women have gotten together for tens of thousands of years. It's the natural flow of energy that creates the flow of desire and challenge that fuels love.
And it's always good for a man to experience the calm power of a woman that is setting the expectations and the stage for the date with her own femininity.
It's comforting, and it's reassuring when he can relax into the date. So I encourage you to help him aspire to be a Real Man for you during your date.
You only need to be YOU.
But YOU is enough!
In fact, you can easily fall into your own confidence and feminine power when you know you're irresistible to him.
Nowadays sadly, a lot of women are gradually getting out of touch with what makes them attractive. Deep down these women are drop dead gorgeous, but guys CAN'T SEE IT.
There's a bunch of barriers getting in the way which mostly have to do with a woman's attitude and appearance.
(Let me make that last part clear - beautiful women come in ALL shapes and sizes. But the problem is that they're not necessarily presenting themselves in the most appealing way - or accentuates their natural beauty.)
Now, I've got a video right here that talks about eliminating those barriers you may unconsciously have n place. This needs to dealt with ASAP - otherwise, it could PERMANENTLY drive away The One destined for you.