I can't think of any more stressful an experience than having to go meet someone you have never met before, building up hopes for romance -
Which are usually dashed upon the rocks of "What the heck were you thinking? Hooking me up with THIS guy?"
Someone you know picks a guy out of a hat for you and expects that you two would hit it off and make a wild new love affair that the poets will write about for centuries...
It almost NEVER works out that way...
In fact, you're usually disappointed at the results.
But we do it again and again, in the hopes of hitting the jackpot...
Well, don't despair! There IS gold in them thar hills! You CAN make your blind dates positive, promising, and - dare I say it? - FUN.
"Any day now..."
And I want to show you how to mine it, shape it, and get it around your ring finger of your left hand.
Let's start out with some of the "Ugly Truths" of blind dates so that we set our expectations correctly:
BLIND DATE TRUTH 1: Blind Dates are created from ego...
The sore truth is that most of our friends mean well for us. They really do.
And they also really aren't "thinking" when they set us up. Most people don't really understand what kind of foundation is required to trigger or spark a real romance that works.
It's incredibly hard. Take it from me, I've been doing this for 40 years, and I didn't get anywhere near right for 30 of them. (I'm trying to save you from all my mistakes!)
So when our friends set us up, they rarely think about chemistry or shared values...
Instead, they think about how nice it would be to be the one to get credit for creating the romance. So they can be the "matchmaker."
"Did I just make "Happily Ever After" happen? Yeahhh I did..."
Which, while a bit short-sighted and selfish, is good if it actually creates a romance, right?
So keep in mind that blind dates are usually blind for the people setting them up, too. They're blind to what would really make a good connection for you.
BLIND DATE TRUTH 2: Blind Dates are created from familiarity...
We go along with these blind dates based on one thing, usually: The desire to meet someone that someone else can vouch for. It's a chain of TRUST.
And for a woman this is huge.
You want to know this guy is safe, responsible, has something in common with you, etc.
So any word of this from a friend is a consolation and a ray of hope in an otherwise dark and dreary dating reality.
Quality control is a MUST in dating...
We want to stay with methods of meeting people that connect us to someone we know because our social tribe keeps us feeling safe and in our element.
Just realize that this can work if you take a bit of time to make sure your friends understand what you need to create that connection with him.
BLIND DATE TRUTH 3: Blind Dates are uncomfortable - for both of you...
It's always going to be weird to meet someone new, no matter how well vetted and reviewed they are.
It's instinctive for humans to be cautious and nervous around new people. It's not something you can overcome instantly.
But you can focus on opening yourself up before the date.
Which actually leads me to the first of my 7 Blind Date Tips...
Blind Date Tip For Attraction 1: Prime Yourself For Success
Priming is something that we're not told about but has a significant effect on our life without us even knowing how it's guiding us.
They (those crazy scientists) performed an experiment where they split people into two groups.
One group held a mug full of hot coffee. The other group held a mug full of ice cold water.
Later they had the two groups meet a complete stranger. They were then asked to record how they felt about that person.
- 80% of the people who held the hot coffee felt the other person was "warm, friendly."
- 83% of the people who held the iced water felt the other person was "chilly, cold, unfriendly."
This is the nature of priming. You create feelings about people based on what you were PRIMED to feel.
Never underestimate the power of emotions...
This is a gut process that we often think of as "instinct." But in reality, it's just your conditioning getting in your way.
Prime yourself for success and gratitude BEFORE you go on the date. Focus on 3 things you're grateful for, and do this as part of your morning ritual.
You'll find that your heart is more open in the process of meeting this new guy, and you might see more there than you would if you'd been holding the ice cold mug of water...
And this leads us right into my next tactic for you:
Blind Date Tip For Love 2: First Impressions ARE.
You may have heard a bit of both sides of this one.
- Some people say first impressions are always right... trust your intuition!
- Some people say first impressions can be misleading... don't trust them!
First impressions are neither right NOR wrong...
They just ARE.
I believe you have to respect your first impression by recognizing it.
If something feels good, why is that? If it feels weird to you, why is that?
Quantify that feeling in your body, and see where it comes from - and why.
Once you know why you feel that way, now you can decide whether to:
A) Give him the boot - adios!
B) Give him a second chance
Then, and only then, are you better able to see the truth. Because, yes, you might be judging that person from a place that is not really your instincts or "intuition."
And you don't want to make a mistake - like possibly meeting your soulmate and then finding it out later - when he's engaged to someone else.
The best way to kill the possible romance in a blind date is to go in expecting a hot dreamboat (insert your favorite male celebrity's name here) and come up with something closer to George Constanza from "Seinfeld."
Lose the expectations while you're at it. They only ensure your disappointment with Reality. Lose your expectations, but don't lower your standards.
Blind Date Tip For Success 3: Stay Positive.
Even if you're normally a bit on the sarcastic and snarky end of the spectrum (I'm guilty of this), you should do everything you can to stay positive and light with your conversation.
Looking back on my past dates, I see now that those I started off with a dark edge never went anywhere. Even if we both shared that sarcastic humor and direction, it only colored our attitudes toward each other.
If he starts complaining or going negative, you stay on the lighter side. I believe that women can take a powerful role in all relationships by being leaders - and help men to show their better side.
Blind Date Tip For Love 4: Alcohol is good - until it's not.
Let's be brutally real here: A drink is good to loosen up and relax - if you're okay with alcohol and you have it under your control.
But after 2 drinks, there is a distinct haziness that creeps in. It can make people THINK they're attracted when they're just lowering their boundaries a bit too much.
And I'm not only referring to alcohol here. Any substance can alter your perceptions - and possibly cloud them.
Watch the alcohol...
It will vary depending on how long the date goes, and what your tolerance is. But you should aim for clarity in your thinking, not muddling it.
You want to have your eyes wide open for the blind date.
Blind Date Tip For Love 5: Keep your sense of humor. NO MATTER WHAT!
Let's be real: Life is absurd.
If you don't believe this, take a look at the "news" on any website you happen to visit.
I firmly believe that everything in life can be joked about - from the cruel and 'serious', to the ridiculous and insane.
And nowhere do we need to keep our sense of humor intact more than in the often difficult process of meeting our next Great Love.
From the guys that burp and fart during the meal, to the time you tripped on your own skirt or woke up naked on his couch.
Embrace the chaos and never lose your sense of humor...
It's all funny in retrospect, so why not get started laughing now?
Which definitely leads me to this next tip...
Blind Date Tip For Love 6: If it's going bad, dance with it.
Sometimes you're going to run into a complete turkey. This guy's going to make you wonder if he's the one guy in charge of trolling all the Youtube videos leaving idiotic comments.
Very often there's a temptation to suddenly sit there and stew in it. You get caught up in the "Oh, crap, here I go again. This SUCKS!" attitude.
This is what many Buddhists would call "resistance" and it just leaves YOU unhappy.
Instead, don't resist it. Jump in with both feet and just make it fun in every way you can.
Don't get too attached to the outcome...
Get him to dance with you, or go put on a new song, or walk with you to a store.
If he's still a schmuck, lose him and get on with your life. I never advocate wasting your precious time with an idiot.
Just take a minute to let him know where you're coming from and why you're not enjoying his company.
Oh yeah, I know - it's not a comfortable thing to do. But there's a good chance it's coming from his nervousness, and there's an even bigger chance he's never heard about his annoying behavior.
You could be the one that wakes him up.
But don't sit there and wallow in your polite misery. Just forge your own path to get what you want.
Blind Date Tip For Love 7: Act Like The Date You Want Him To Be.
I mentioned that I believe women can take the leadership role in the date. That doesn't mean that you have to organize the date or lead him through it.
What I mean is that women can lead from the heart, while her date might be following with his ... er, sex drive.
This is okay - since it's the way men and women have gotten together for tens of thousands of years. It's the natural flow of energy that creates the flow of desire and challenge that fuels love.
And it's always good for a man to experience the calm power of a woman that is setting the expectations and the stage for the date with her own femininity.
Calm, collected and cool as a cucumber - that's YOU...
It's comforting, and it's reassuring when he can relax into the date. So I encourage you to help him aspire to be a Real Man for you during your date.
And if you act like the date you want him to be, you'll make it clear from the very start that you're a woman of calm confidence and power.
- You don't need to jump in bed with him right away...
- You don't need to get drunk to make the night enjoyable...
- You don't need to lower your standards or change your beliefs for his approval...
You only need to be YOU.
But YOU is enough!
In fact, you can easily fall into your own confidence and feminine power when you know you're irresistible to him.
He won't stand a chance against your charms...
Nowadays sadly, a lot of women are gradually getting out of touch with what makes them attractive. Deep down these women are drop dead gorgeous, but guys CAN'T SEE IT.
There's a bunch of barriers getting in the way which mostly have to do with a woman's attitude and appearance.
(Let me make that last part clear - beautiful women come in ALL shapes and sizes. But the problem is that they're not necessarily presenting themselves in the most appealing way - or accentuates their natural beauty.)
Now, I've got a video right here that talks about eliminating those barriers you may unconsciously have n place. This needs to dealt with ASAP - otherwise, it could PERMANENTLY drive away The One destined for you.
If you'd like to know how to be TRULY irresistible without giving up your core identity, head on over here to learn more...