Are Men Becoming More Like Women?
SPOTTED IN A RECENT FORUM:
“I just recently went on several dates with a man who had smoother legs than me. The weird thing about it was that it wasn’t that weird! This got me thinking about how feminine men have become. I can’t tell you how many men I have dated that spend more time grooming than I do.
“Terms like “manscaping,” and “manzillian” are becoming commonplace words in our society. I have seen more than one of my boyfriend’s cry. And not a single one seemed embarrassed about the fact. Men seem to be evolving from their caveman days and turning into metrosexual creatures more readily in touch with their feelings than some of us are comfortable with.
“It’s undeniable that women’s roles in society have changed drastically in the recent years. Women are no longer expected to remain in the kitchen rearing young. Instead, college enrollment demographics are generally at least 50% female. Women put off having children longer and longer in order to focus on their careers. More and more women are simply not having children at all.
“Many families have a woman who brings home the biggest paycheck; many also have a woman as the only working partner. With women taking on what is traditionally viewed as a more “masculine” role in society, it’s no wonder that men are becoming more like women.
“All of a sudden, males are the partners arriving late to a date because they were busy grooming themselves. New toiletries are being marketed exclusively to males, not to help them get clean, but to help soften their skin, make them smell good, or simply make them prettier.
“The past few decades have seen a surge in divorce rates. This by default means that there are more single-parent households than ever before. Many psychologists post that this rise in males being reared without a male role-model present in everyday life lends itself to a rise in a more feminine male. Children learn by example from those around them. Thus, young males in the sole custody of their mother’s tend to view relationships from the female point of view.
“During their formative years they see their mother react to various dating situations and process these reactions internally. Thus, when these boys are older perhaps they tend to adapt their behavior in order to conform their actions and feelings with what they observed from their mother, giving rise to a more feminine style of dating.
“Even Hollywood is embracing the feminine-male trend. Long gone are most of our previously commonplace testosterone driven action heroes. The Arnold’s, Sylvester Stallone’s, and Chuck Norris’ have been replaced by the pretty, more mild Brad Pitt’s, Johnny Depp’s, and Zac Effron’s. This drastic evolution in the masculinity of our leading men makes one wonder how today’s youngsters are viewing their male role models and consequently their expectations for themselves later in life.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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“Are these youngsters more in touch with their feelings than the past generations? Will they “get” women once they’re old enough to date? Or will relationships continue to be a “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” situation? Will these metro men of Hollywood create a generation of boys who cry when their peers make fun of them, rather than “taking it like a man?”
“It’s hard to determine whether the metrosexual trend will continue into the coming decades. But one thing’s for sure. Most women are no longer turned off by a date who waxes some portion of his body, or wants to dive into a deep exploration of his feelings. It’s all par for the course now.”
CARLOS CAVALLO COMMENTS:
I saw this posted on a forum, and I had to share it with you.
What do you think about this?
Are men becoming more feminine?
What I see that’s most disturbing about this gender swap that’s going on in the background are two things:
Disturbing Thing #1:
We’re making it okay to mix up the “masculine” and “feminine” – the very things that make attraction work between the genders.
This is simply dangerous, as you may have experienced yourself when dating a guy who was too “sensitive” or soft.
Women are pre-disposed to certain “triggers” to attraction with men. They cannot be changed, no matter how much your rational brain may wish it.
Which is why so many women discover that dating the “pretty, emotional, new-age guy” is ultimately unfulfilling. The relationships take on a cerebral overtone, that – to me – feels a little creepy.
It’s like emotions become clinical rather than real things we embrace and experience. (I also live in Northern California, the home of somewhat touchy-feely, intellectual approaches to life.)
The same is true for men. If guys turn into a wuss and choose to be with a more “masculine” woman, that may SEEM like it’s okay. After all, it’s their choice, right? And “it’s all good!”
But the reality is that neither person is being TRUE to themselves. The wuss needs to man up. And the woman needs to embrace her feminine side. The authentic parts of who they are remain elusive and waiting to be rediscovered.
Sure, there are exceptions to this rule. And the reality is that if you pay attention to the dynamics you see in relationships (your friends & family), you’ll see which dynamic works the best over the longest period of time.
As they say, success leaves clues.
Disturbing Thing #2: We’re confusing advertising trends and media portrayals as REALITY.
Just because we see a change in what we’re sold in ads and movies doesn’t mean that’s what we truly desire in our lasting relationships.
Oh, and please don’t get me started on Hollywood, and empowering them with telling us what works and doesn’t in relationships. Stories are stories.
But real life, and Real-ationships™ are not subject to theory and speculation.
Deep down inside, we KNOW what works.
But what I see happening is a constant excusing of men for not living up to their masculine role (which is the ultimate Aphrodisiac), and compensating for it elsewhere.
Attraction is not a choice.
If you look at the relationships that work – and the ones that have had the most energy and passion to them in your own life – you’ll see a pattern.
And that pattern is the natural polarity of masculine and feminine.
I know I’ll get barbecued for this one, but you even see this in gay couples. There’s a gender polarity even there.
Because it’s necessary for us to feel sexual passion and attraction. It’s not good or bad.
It’s not right or wrong. It even has nothing to do with your politics or your religion.
It just IS.
And that’s okay!
And it’s not going to change in one or two generations, just because men lost their dads and Hollywood lost its balls. We don’t evolve a whole new sexual attraction template in just a few short years of ‘bad behavior.’
Talk to any man about “manscaping” and the various trendy little things some guys do these days – as I do, and you get the same eye-rolls and comments of “Yeah, I guess… Whatever floats your boat.”
We men know on a gut level that even though it’s up to every guy to do what he wants, embracing his inner woman is usually a misguided and empty pursuit.
I’m not judging these guys at all. I simply believe that women resent having to take over the masculine role in a relationship.
When they do, it creates a kind of neutralizing energy on the sexual passion. Women want men to take the initiative, and when she is forced to do it instead of him, she feels ripped off and disappointed.
Women can let go of the masculine edge. And men need to start owning up to theirs, or they’re only going to find it harder and harder to make their own relationships work over the long term.
What do you think about this trend?
Am I just a dinosaur?
Is this gender blurring good?
Have you ever had a non-traditional gender role relationship that worked really well? I’d like to hear about it.
Yours In Perfect Passion…
– Carlos Cavallo