Battered, Beaten and Bruised: I Survived Fifty Shades of Grey
- #1: It’s OK to be Feminine
- In the context of a loving, trusting relationship, allowing yourself to be soft and feminine is actually a good thing.
- #2: It’s OK to Like the Kinky Stuff
- In that sense, you could say that Fifty Shades of Grey was actually progressive because it’s telling women they can pursue their fantasies without being judged.
- #3: No Matter What Floats Your Boat, TRUST is a Must
- #4: If the Terms Aren’t FAIR to You, Walk Away
- In a healthy relationship, it’s always important for a couple to meet halfway.
Full disclosure: I went into this movie fully expecting it to suck.
I’d already heard horrible things from my friends about Fifty Shades of Grey, but I checked it out anyway just to see what the hype was about.
Surprisingly enough, I managed to sit through two hours of it.
The verdict? I didn’t hate the movie, and as stylish as it was, I didn’t think it was a cinematic masterpiece either.
The performances felt awkward and stilted, especially with Jamie Dornan who seemed a bit wooden. Honestly speaking, I’ve watched (and read) better erotica with more chemistry between its characters.
(Ladies, put away the torches and pitchforks – a guy’s entitled to his opinion, right?)
But I guess most of the movie’s appeal lies in the way it specifically taps into most women’s minds. And I’m well aware that I’m not exactly part of the target market.
In any case, the movie did get me thinking about a few important points concerning relationships:
#1: It’s OK to be Feminine
One of the major themes that the movie explored was the thrill of completely surrendering yourself to another person. It’s one of the most powerful fantasies in Fifty Shades of Grey: the idea of being swept off your feet by the man in your life and letting him take the reins.
In a time where women are more empowered than ever, allowing one’s self to be carried away by emotions and romance can be seen as a bad thing.
But it doesn’t have to be – letting yourself go in the arms of a person you trust doesn’t take away anything from you as a woman.
In the context of a loving, trusting relationship, allowing yourself to be soft and feminine is actually a good thing.
Being able to lean on your partner’s masculine strength doesn’t make you weak.
It’s just that you trust him enough to be vulnerable around him – he’ll love you for it.
#2: It’s OK to Like the Kinky Stuff
The movie raised an important question: was Anastasia’s character empowering for women, or did she do them a disservice?
You could argue that Ana was able to explore different sexual avenues and find out what worked for her.
On the other hand, some thought that the movie was simply glorifying abuse and highlighted Ana’s “lack of self-respect”. Let’s face it – even today, women are still being shamed for indulging in fetishes that don’t sit well with other folks.
In that sense, you could say that Fifty Shades of Grey was actually progressive because it’s telling women they can pursue their fantasies without being judged.
Personally, I didn’t have a problem with it. Consenting to being spanked like a little schoolgirl or getting tied up doesn’t really have anything to do with who you are outside of your sex life.
On a side note, writing up a contract might be a good idea if you happen to have very particular or unconventional tastes in bed. Which brings me to my next point…
#3: No Matter What Floats Your Boat, TRUST is a Must
Whether you’re into being chained or whipped, or simply prefer to let your guy take charge in bed, you should ALWAYS have “house rules” with your partner.
No matter how tame or extreme you want your sex life to be, the LIMITS need to be clear to you BOTH.
Fantasies are meant to be discussed. Otherwise, you’ll end up with a lot of frustration and disappointment over mismatched expectations.
#4: If the Terms Aren’t FAIR to You, Walk Away
And that just doesn’t apply in bed, but also the relationship in general. Remember, Ana struck out the items from their contract that didn’t work for her.
In a healthy relationship, it’s always important for a couple to meet halfway.
If your needs aren’t being met, or you’re not valued and respected enough, it’s time to speak up.
Christian Grey might not be real, but it’s easy enough to get a guy just as attractive as him, minus the emotional baggage. You just need to learn the skills to attract any guy you want – and I can teach you just THAT.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo