It's not the same when you're dating men over 40. Whether YOU are over 40, or he is...
If you've been around long enough, you know that things change when you get a little older. Especially when it comes to love and relationships. Dating isn't just a giggly trip to the movies like it was in your teens and twenties...
He only gets better with age...
Now you have to deal with mature dating - and know how to handle things as a grown-up. Yeah, I know - bummer.
But things are better later on. You're wiser, more confident, and you don't have time to waste on game-playing with those "players" out there.
And if you have to date a guy over 40, you should know how to handle yourself - and not get surprised in the process.
So I'm going to cover 5 special tips for you if you're dating a "silver fox" - that's a more affectionate way of describing those guys that are a little more gray.
First - the benefits:
Older guys are better in bed. Usually, anyway. And that's good for both of you!
Older guys are more established in their career, and they have more time for you...
Older guys have more interests and hobbies to include you in. It's not just about playing beer pong on the weekends...
Older guys are also in a better place financially. (If you find yourself dating a guy who's still struggling at age 40 with his money, that's a red flag, by the way...)
Now, that last bullet point leads us right into the first tip:
Dating a guy over 40 - Tip #1: Follow The Money...
Watch how he treats you, and his money...
It goes without saying that if you're dating a man, you want a guy that treats you right.
But you also want to choose a guy that has his financial $#!+ together.
Look, let's be realistic - if you're a woman dating a man, you care how much he makes. Nothing says "unattractive" like a low-ambition guy who's content to just scrape by on a minimum wage job. And frankly, if you're still dating these guys, you need to level-up, honey.
"What?? Carlos, are you saying it's okay to be a gold-digger?"
No, I'm not saying you should look for some sugar-daddy to support you for the rest of your life...
HOWEVER, if you want a relationship with a real man, you need to choose a guy that's earning his keep.
"Show me the money!"
You see, women are attracted to rich men for a very practical reason: His earnings generally show how ambitious a provider he is. Women are attracted to providers. And men are happy to provide for you.
So don't feel guilty that you're turning into one of THOSE women. Looking at his earnings potential is just a way of seeing if you're going to be stuck with Homer Simpson, or a guy who will lift you a bit higher up in life.
Oh, and watch how he manages and handles that money, too.
Is he stingy and tight? (This is bad...)
Is he conservative and frugal? (This is good...)
Is he frivolous and a show-off? (Again, bad...)
That will give you insight into his character that you might not be able to see until years into a relationship, so pay attention.
Courtship After 40 - Tip #2: Don't Turn On The Change Machine...
A guy in his 40s is not going to be clay, my dear. He's going to be pretty well set in his ways by now...
Meaning that you're not likely to change him. And the worst thing you can do is to turn on your "change machine" and make him into your fixer-upper.
I might argue that trying to change ANY man is a bad idea - mostly because it sends the message that he's not good enough as he is. This is the same as REJECTION to a man.
I'd also suggest that trying to change him is even more of a waste of time on a guy in his 40s or later.
You can't change his past... Or him.
When a person has reached their 40s, their personality is now set in stone. He knows who he is, and who he doesn't want to be. And any woman that steps in and starts trying to make him "perfect" is in for a rude awakening.
The key for you is to choose a guy that's "perfect enough" and leave it alone. Show gratitude for what you have.
Dating A "Silver Fox" - Tip #3: Remember What HE Wants...
If you want to hook a guy who's in his 40s and is a better prospect for a partner, you gotta know what he's looking for in a woman.
In a study of over 650,000 (yeah, that's thousands) online dating profiles, here's the top 2 traits men want in a woman - in order:
If he's in his 30s:
If he's in his 40s:
If he's in his 50s:
Yeah, the top two traits were the same: Fun & Honest women.
Give him good, honest fun...
Now, there's a bunch of other important stuff he's looking for that he WON'T tell you about (but I can show you in my programs) - but if you can keep the knowledge of the fact that he wants FUN most of all, you'll understand why all those UN-fun things you did may have pushed men away.
You'd be surprised how few women actually try to be fun in a relationship.
You might wonder -
What do men consider a "fun" woman?
She's more focused on doing things with her man than constantly worrying or wondering where the relationship is going...
She's more focused on playfulness than defending herself or arguing about things that hurt her feelings...
She's quick to get past her inner drama - She embraces the next laugh with a man instead of getting worrying about whether she'll can get him to commit to her... (Ironically, men commit willingly to women who aren't working so hard to squeeze a commitment out of them.)
Oh, another trait that's essential to a guy is up next -
Dating A Mature Guy - Tip #4: Be A Dog...
Wait... that doesn't sound quite right. But it's true.
You know those furry little pets that stick by your side, through thick or thin?
Renowned for their loyalty?
If there's one trait that a man values (but probably would NEVER tell you directly), it's LOYALTY.
How could he resist?
Men are very aware of the relative loyalty level of the women they date. It's like we have a loyalty meter in our brains that registers every word and action of yours.
We look at what you say about your friends, and how loyal you are with them. Ever throw a girlfriend "under the bus" for something? Oh yeah, we saw that. We might not have said anything, but we definitely made a mental note...
We watch how you react to us and our occasional missteps and foibles. Are you patient and caring with us? Or could we see that you pulled away from us emotionally? NOTE: When you roll your eyes at something we say or do, we know that's not good... and if we get revenge treatment later (especially withholding sex) we are on high alert that loyalty is in danger...
We look at the patterns of your life. Do you tend to move from job to job? Do you shift your alliances and loyalties in your family and friends? Do you tend to talk crap about someone behind their back, but act in a hypocritical way later on? That's all going into the "loyalty registry" in your man's head.
I can't emphasize this one trait enough.
The unspoken battle cry of men everywhere is: "Give me loyalty, or give me bachelorhood!"
And if you SHOW him your loyalty, you'll earn his a thousand times over.
Dating Men Over 40 - Tip #5: Show Him Commitment...
This one is going to blow your mind - mushroom cloud style!
Men want commitment.
Yes, all men do, but especially men over 40. We're looking at the second half of our life, and we want someone to spend it with, to share laughs and adventures with.
At this age, we've also been able to establish ourselves more in our careers, so we're less focused on spending every waking minute at the office.
A guy in his 40s is also starting to feel a little insecure about his marital status - especially if he's not married like his friends. Being single will take a toll on a man's ego.
And if he's over 40 and past his first marriage, he knows better what he wants...
He's ripe for picking!
You see, for all women's complaining about getting a man to commit, there are a few things you need to know:
A lot of WOMEN are "commitment-phobic." Yes, it's true. I get letters from women every day that realize they are actually pushing men away with their overly critical and detailed lists of things they expect from a man. It's just another way to protect themselves.
Men are rarely "commitment-phobic." Yes, this one will be super hard to swallow, but it's also true.
When a man acts "scared of commitment," what he's really doing is telling you that he's seeing some behaviors that make him worry about his long-term feelings of attraction to you.
A man worries about commitment more than women do - for a simple reason:
Men have more to lose if they choose their partner poorly.
The perfect partnership... Be the Watson to his Holmes.
If a man has a bad marriage, he's:
More likely to be depressed...
More likely to be cheated on...
More likely to die younger...
More likely to lose his children...
More likely to have health issues...
The list goes on and on.
So you can understand how he might be careful about who he lets into his heart.
Maybe you've tried everything:
- Ignoring your suspicions
- Being honest, speaking and showing your feelings
- Played hard to get
- Trying everything to make it work with him
- You follow all the advice, but he doesn't respond
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]