Dating Advice Guru - Relationship advice

Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs He's Seeing Other Women

By: Carlos Cavallo
 |

So I got an email the other day that has me in a spin... let me share her letter with you, then we'll dig into the juicy parts, okay?

QUESTION FOR CARLOS: Is He Seeing Other Women?

Carlos, I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now, and lately I've been wondering about him.

I got home from my yoga class a few nights ago and he was on the computer, but he got off really quickly.

Then, when I asked him what he was doing, he said he was watching YouTube videos...

tips advice signs man is seeing other women Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Is he? Or Isn't he...?

A few weeks before that, I noticed that he's been on his cell phone a lot more lately.

He's still nice to me, and we're still romantic (in the bedroom) - but things have kind of slowed down.

And he doesn't talk as much...

So I'm worried he might be seeing other women.

What do you think? Could he be cheating on me?

  • Maggie H.

______________________

CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS:

Maggie, I can see how you might be confused - and probably very fearful at the moment.

The prospect of having your boyfriend possibly straying from your relationship is one that must weigh heavily on you. Especially when you look at the clues that are being left behind.

realtionship advice signs hes cheating on you Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Fear is a great motivator...

The real confusing and heartbreaking part is when he says he isn't seeing anyone else - but you suspect the opposite may be true. You flip-flop back and forth, starting to doubt your own perception.

After all, you don't want to believe he could be leaving you for another woman.

Before I say whether or not he is, I want to show you some of the signs he's seeing other women. And let's see how these match up to what you see in your relationship...

Sign #1 He's seeing other women: He's getting secret agent on you...

Yup, I hate to start out on this note, but if he's getting MORE secretive and dismissive about his activities, this is a good indicator that he's not becoming MORE in love with you.

The natural progress of a loving, deep relationship is that we become more trusting of our partner. We negotiate the challenges and become more trusting of the connection between us.

You'll see it happen in every good relationship.

Every single one.

And the fact is that most of us experience the opposite in our relationships.

  • The closeness turns to distance...
  • The trust turns into suspicion...
  • The communication turns to silence...
relationship advice is husband cheating on me Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Is he sneaking around?

So when you see him starting to act dodgy, not telling you the whole story, or not even being open enough to share it...

You have to know there's SOMETHING going on. It might not always be infidelity, either.

In fact, if all you're concerned with is IF he's seeing someone else - you're missing the point.

The thing that should weight the heaviest on you is that the little stuff that got you here wasn't handled when it should have been.

Sign #2 he's keeping his options open: He's not changing his social media to include you...

This one is pretty annoying because you almost want to believe him when he tells you WHY he hasn't changed his status.

  • "I just haven't gotten around to it..."
  • "It's not that important..."
  • "I forgot..."
  • "What's the big deal?"

That last one is really dangerous because he's almost trying to push it off on YOU. That you're the crazy one for wondering.

Are you?

I don't think so.

signs your man is cheating on you Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Spending too much time out with the boys?

If a man is IN a relationship with you, his life is going to reflect it.

If his heart is open and available, he's going to be pulling you into every area of his life. And that means he'll want to broadcast to the world that you are his.

If he's not doing this, it means that you're either not his one and only, or he's still not quite sure.

Either way, you have to get back in ACTION.

I'll talk more about this in a minute...

Sign #3 he's dating other women: He's only into the fun...

Guys that aren't interested in deepening the relationship are going to work very hard to DE-emphasize the feelings and intimacy that comes with a relationship.

That last sentence is really important - so I'm going to say it a different way:

If he doesn't want a relationship, he's not going to treat what you have as a relationship.

how to tell boyfriend is cheating tips advice Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Is he ever serious about your relationship...?

So he's probably going to draw some lines around where he will and won't go with what you have together.

Most often this shows up with him saying something like: "Hey, let's just keep having fun..."

or

"Let's keep this fun..."

When you run into that as his deflection, you know he isn't interested in depth and connection. He only wants the fun.

Sometimes he will say this when you're too relationship focused too early in the relationship. So make sure you haven't accidentally lost that feeling of "fun" in the relationship.

Sign #4 he's not being true to you: He's suddenly tuned into his digital social life...

When a guy starts texting, facebooking, twittering, instagramming, and generally just going ape-sh*t crazy over his social media, there's a good chance he's filling a hole inside himself.

(No - I'm not going to make an obvious joke about him filling a hole OUTSIDE himself... oh, wait! I just did! )

signs hes cheating what to look for Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

How much time is he spending focused on his phone or computer?

All puns aside, you do have to take notice if he's texting a lot more, or doing a lot more covert stuff on his phone. He's probably engaged on a social level that is feeding a need within him. And there's a good chance there's another woman at the other end of it.

Oh, and if his phone lock code has changed a few times lately, there's a good chance he's trying to hide something.

Sign #5 he's seeing other women: You're not his priority... 

Most of the women I've coached or talked to understand this one almost intuitively -

A man makes the woman he loves his priority.

And if you're not a priority, you're not his love.

Can you beg him to make you his priority?

Can you force him to make you his priority?

Can you trick him into making you his priority?

The short answer is NO.

BUT - as I said before, the key here is to get in ACTION.

ACTION can get him to make you his priority...

Don't just think that you can cry your way back into a relationship with him. You may want a fulfilling relationship with him, but that doesn't mean it's just going to HAPPEN.

Most of the time, I advise women in this situation to just dump him and get back to work on your own feelings of value, self-love, and strength.

But, because it's not something most women can take a pill to fix, this almost never happens.

Still, there is another solution - and it's almost as good as a magic pill.

signs he is cheating on me Dating & Relationship Q&A: 5 Signs Hes Seeing Other Women

Quick fix or long-lasting tools?

There is no such thing as a magic pill to fix your relationship...?

NO - there isn't.

But what I have for you is the best thing you can possibly use to save your relationship.

If he hasn't broken up with you, that means there's hope.

And even if he has broken up with you, there's still hope. Mostly because very few women understand this loophole in the male mind.

And they usually screw it up with him, too!

Which means he's going to be single again soon - and he'll want to get back with you - if it feels right.

If you want to know how to make him yours - to really get the kind of relationship that guarantees he won't stray...

You need to know how to make him Forever Yours...

Discover the secret password to his heart...

Is He Seeing Someone Else? 19 Signs You Need To Know

Have you ever found some evidence - a text or a note or something - and thought - Is he seeing someone else? You might wonder if you're just being paranoid or "overthinking" things.  But you can't deny, the evidence is there. This situation is related to an email I got recently from someone: ______________________ […]

Read More
When You're Texting A Guy And He Stops Replying - Ghosted

Nothing is more frustrating - and more common, it seems - than the experience of texting a guy and he stops replying to you. You get GHOSTED. It sounds like some kind of supernatural disease - GHOSTING... but it's one of the most common dating experiences these days. In fact, it's become pretty common for […]

Read More
How To Make Him Regret Leaving You - Or Losing You! (Or Dumping You!)

Breakups are heart-wrenching - and most women would love to know how to make him regret leaving you - or just make him regret dumping you in the first place. And sometimes you just want him to know what he's missing out on. How stupid he was for letting go of you... Yeah, it may […]

Read More
When A Guy Ignores You After An Argument - What To Do!

Have you ever had a guy stop talking to you after you get into a disagreement? What do you do when a guy ignores you after an argument? There's nothing more frustrating than getting the silent treatment.  You feel ignored, minimized, and very small. It also feels like you're abandoned. I'm pretty sure each of […]

Read More
"I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!" What To Do - 17 Tips...

It's probably every woman's worst fear: the breakup. And then you find yourself texting your friends: "I Miss My Ex Boyfriend - And I Want Him Back!" Everything probably started out fantastic between you. You had great dates, great fun, great bedroom action... And then things started to cool off. He didn't text you as […]

Read More
Are You Giving Up On Love? Read This First...

There's no doubt that Love can be frustrating... For some people, it drives them crazy. Maybe that's you - are you giving up on love? Well don't do it until you read this article! This isn't going to be some empty cheerleading, or some rah-rah speech. Sometimes the one thing we need most when we […]

Read More
21 CRITICAL Questions To Ask A Guy

It can be tricky talking to men when you don't know what to say. You might find yourself stuck in silence wondering what to talk about. The best solution is to have questions to ask a guy that get him interested in you. If you know what questions to ask, you can make him feel […]

Read More
I Can't Stop Thinking About Him! - 3 Reasons He's On Your Mind

Whether you are thinking about your newest crush, or have anxiety about your recent break up and don’t know how to stop thinking about someone, this article is for you! “I can’t stop thinking about him!” – Having a crush on a guy isn’t easy… Have you ever been in a situation where you can’t […]

Read More
Dating An Older Man - 17 Secrets You Should Know

If you're thinking of dating an older man, you probably want to know what to expect. There are a lot of things you need to know in order to date older men. Both positive things - and some challenges you should be aware of. You may have a lot of questions, such as: What is […]

Read More
Dating A Divorced Man? 7 Tips You MUST Know...

Dating a divorced man? Before you get too far in the relationship, there are things you must know. Divorced dating is challenging, there's no doubt about that. But if you have the right information, you can date a guy after divorce and make it work. Dating today is definitely different than it used to be. […]

Read More
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram