One of the best pieces of advice is: Don't settle for less than you deserve.
We understand that we shouldn't, but compromise often happens anyway.
“There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living” – Nelson Mandela
If you’re in a romantic relationship that just doesn’t feel right and you feel like leaving - but you’re scared to… let's talk about it.
And how to NOT settle!
Because - what if you won’t find another guy like him? Or, what if he’s The One?
Or maybe you’ve been single for some time. Desperately needing someone to be with and thinking of jumping into the arms of the first guy who’s attracted to you (no matter what level of quality he is).
It’s time to think again.
It’s normal to be afraid of being alone or having that unbearable feeling of being un-loveable. Settling is an unpleasant and depressing word, too.
And the people around you might urge you to lower your standards and not to be “too picky,” which definitely doesn’t help.
If you do give in and settle down before you’re ready or before you find the right match, you’ll always have that ache of discontent.
There’s a saying:
“Being alone is always better than being with someone who makes you feel alone...”
New research conducted by Stephanie S. Spielman shows that the fear of being single is an indicator of settling for less in relationships – the decision to stay with a partner who is wrong for you.
Her groundbreaking study, discovered that the fear of being single predicts when women will settle for less in romantic relationships. It’s not surprising by any stretch, but the correlations is hugely important to you.
Furthermore, her study showed that individuals who report being fearful of being alone will stay with unresponsive, less attractive partners rather than face the possibility of having to move on.
Here are some signs that you’re settling for less than you deserved:
The relationship doesn’t make you the BEST version of yourself.
It brings you down and your needs aren’t met. Your partner then tends to be too focused on his needs rather than make the relationship a “give and take.”
You’re slowly forgetting who you are in order to adapt to what your partner wants and needs you to be.
You change your values, goals, or dreams. And soon enough, when you see yourself in the mirror, you don’t recognize the person that’s staring back at you. You’d feel lost and unsure of yourself.
You tend to put his needs above yours.
You fear that if you don’t, he’ll leave you. And your relationship will collapse – or it would become emotionally and physically abusive.
He’s cheated on your repeatedly and you’d look the other way.
You’re scared to face the reality that if you put him on the spot. He’d leave you for another woman.
“Your worth to others depends on how you value yourself. Don’t be an option to someone, be their priority!”
The pressure to “settle” can be very daunting, especially to a single woman who’s faced with the social stigma due to their solo status. And then there’s the whole “biological clock” ticking.
If you’re faced with this situation, here are some reasons why you should consider holding out for a relationship that could truly make you happy.
Don’t be afraid!
Your settling is a choice triggered by fear of being alone. This alone should give you the warning signs that the foundation of your relationship is eroding.
“Be yourself. Accept yourself. Value yourself. Forgive yourself. Bless yourself. Express yourself. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Empower yourself.”
Be strong. You’re good enough to attract someone who’d adore you…the real you. Trust in the good life that’s waiting for you.
“I love what I do, and I love the fact that he respects that and is willing to take a back seat when necessary...”
When you’re in a quality relationship, you move forward and mature together. You explore the world and see it in its entirety.
You don’t have to step back so he can catch up with you. He adores you that way, and supports you in all your endeavors.
You’re more confident to face all the challenges because you know he’s there for you…and you for him.
You deserve more
Understand that settling is a sign you’re cynical about your future. If you’re thinking that you’ll never meet someone who can love you and that you can love back in return…STOP.
It’s because of this negative spiral of thoughts that you’re having a difficult time meeting the one that’s right for you. If you want to feel happy, feed yourself with positive thoughts.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection”
Always remember this – Love yourself before someone else can love you. The reason for this is simple, because the one that’s right for you is a reflection of you.
“Birds of the same feather, flock together”
So, learn to like yourself and turn yourself into the person that you’d want to be. Once you adopt this mentality, you will eventually attract the right person, because you’d start seeing others the same way.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”
– Steve Jobs
Soon, without you realizing it, you’ll be in the relationship you’ve wanted all along – finding the right guy who adore and loves you just as much as you adore and love him.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]