And I'll try to get it done in the 5 minutes it takes you to read this.
So you’ve set the date with him and you’re counting the minutes until you go out with this promising new guy.
But there’s that nagging thought in the back of your mind:
“How can I tell if he’s going to be worthwhile or flake out like the other guys I’ve met?”
Dating can definitely be a luck-of-the-draw kind of deal, and sometimes you just don’t know what you’re in for.
Unless of course, you can quickly figure out what his intentions are.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could tell right away if he’s a quality guy who is, at the very least, interested in sticking around if the chemistry’s there?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could save yourself a whole lot of grief and wasted time by spotting those red flags right away?
Well, all of this IS possible. There’s an art to reading his character, but it isn’t as complicated as you might think.
Why Guys Lie
But first, we need to know what goes through a guy’s head. You see, men are dead set on impressing their date, even it means embellishing a little – or in some cases, A LOT.
But that’s just the nature of the beast. Men want you to think that they’re cool, tough and generally an impressive guy to have around.
In reality of course, no one can be the perfect partner.
When the not-so-appealing side of his personality comes to light, it can be a letdown to see how he doesn’t entirely live up to the hype.
But that’s a normal part of dating.
What you really have to watch out for are the guys who will outright lie about something that could affect your decision to keep seeing him or not.
And in those situations, it’s in your best interest to sniff out these dealbreakers before you get too far with him.
Otherwise, you’ll feel like the wool was pulled over your eyes, leaving you angry and heartbroken.
Ok, so you have two basic possibilities here.
He could be a genuinely nice guy and you just want him to be as forthcoming as possible.
Or he could be up to no good and is hiding something that could seriously impact your future with him.
Whatever the case is, you have to approach him like a deer. If he knows you’re fishing for clues, he might get skittish and back off.
Moreover, a guy with not-so-nice intentions might know what’s up and feed you the “right” answers, which totally defeats the purpose of asking him about his qualities.
For instance, you can’t tell him,
“You’re not going to be one of those guys who says he’s all about commitment, then walks out the door a few months down the road, will you?”
When you ask him that way, he’ll practically have no choice but to pour honey in your ear so you won’t reject him.
Uncovering the Truth
So, how do you pick his brain without setting off any warning bells in his head?
First of all, avoid a direct line of questioning.
A better way would be to casually get his thoughts on vital stuff you want to know about, like cheating, long-term commitment or jealousy.
To make your approach more subtle, bring up the topic through a story involving someone else you know, like a friend or relative for instance.
For example, talk about a relationship issue involving your friend from work:
“Oh speaking of work, I suddenly remembered Teresa, my co-worker who hasn’t shown up for a week. Apparently her boyfriend broke up with her because she ‘flirts too much’ with her guy friends. We’re not super close, but I do kinda feel bad for her because she isn’t the type to cheat.
"Are most guys are threatened by their girlfriend’s guy pals? Or is jealousy in men more of an exception than the rule?”
Ok, so “most guys” is really just a way of asking him what he thinks about the subject. Now, you just need to decode his answer.
Let’s say he responds with something like,
“Hmm, I don’t think most guys are a control freak like him. I mean, any reasonable man wouldn’t flip out like that unless there was a valid reason.”
In this example, you can already tell which side of the issue he falls on even if he isn’t talking about himself directly. Chances are, this guy isn’t the type who’d try to control the people his girlfriend deals with on a daily basis.
But you’d get a completely different picture if he told you,
“Well, I’d say that a lot of men wouldn’t appreciate their partner talking to strange guys he hasn’t met. I mean, a reasonable guy would trust his girl, but not necessarily the people around her.”
In this case, you might want to think twice about seeing him long-term if he’s going to have a problem with your friends.
Whatever his response is, you’ll be able to get to the bottom of the truth even if he doesn’t actually talk about himself.
What he thinks about what other guys think is already a good reflection of what he’d do in the same situation.
However, I don’t want you to think that you’re pulling a fast one over him. You’re just figuring out early on if you’re compatible or not.
It’s the same as applying for a job. No company is just going to hire the next guy they talk to.
In the same way, you need to know if he’ll add value to your life or create unnecessary drama.
After all, you’d rather not find out too late that you aren’t right for each other after all.
In the end, you’ll make better use of your time by focusing instead on a guy you can have a healthy relationship with.
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