Maryanne, your guy is basically not a good choice for a man. He's not the great love of your life that you want him to be - and he's even told you this.
But you're not looking at those signals with your head.
There are a few lessons you need to walk away from your situation with - and I want you to step back and really take a look at the signs:
Lesson #1: Great sex is NOT the same as a relationship.
It's simply two people getting it on and being sexually compatible. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are actually compatible in a committed adult relationship or not.
This comes as quite a shock for many people who try to engineer a relationship out of good sex. But the truth stands - you can be awesome at doing the horizontal bop, but it doesn't have anything to do with your relationship compatibility.
It's a bonus, if you had all the other stuff in place.
So how do I know this isn't a relationship?
He told you he doesn't want to have a girlfriend.
If a woman says she doesn't want a boyfriend, it's usually for a completely different reason than a man. When a MAN says it, he's probably telling you the truth.
He doesn't want a girlfriend.
He talks about his ex and tells you he wants to get back with her. (I assure you that it's not the child support that's making him want to go back. He'll be supporting her when they get back together, so either way he's paying.)
If he's into you, he will have no room for anyone else BUT you.
Look, I'm not saying these things to be unkind. They are to wake you up to the emotional dialogue you've got going on in your head right now.
You're fighting to MAKE him seem right to you, to MAKE him a guy you can invest in. If it's for real, you don't have to push it in the direction you want it to go - it will just go there all on its own.
Oh, and there's still...
Lesson #2: His being kind to your child is not an indication that he's your soul-mate.
He's just a compassionate guy.
Hell, 90% of guys you wouldn't sleep with would probably buy your daughter milk. Just because she's a cute little girl.
Or they felt guilty waking up and eating your Cheerios and drinking all your milk.
It's simply not the indication you would like it to be: That he's a guy looking for a new wife and new daughter to replace the old one.
In short, you're looking for meaning in all these little actions and indicators because you're trying to FORCE a relationship to happen.
One of the most common issues in relationships is that one of the people in it didn't stop to really evaluate the person with their rational thinking before they let their heart run away with them.
And I think that's a root cause of what happened here.
Your "confusion" is because you know with your head that this isn't the right relationship for you.
But you let your heart run away with you, and now your emotions won't let you walk away without some serious willpower.
And that willpower just isn't going to happen as long as you're trying to make this thing happen when you know it won't work for you.
You're also blocking the right guy from coming into your life... There's no room for Mr. Right when all you're doing is hanging out with Mr. Not Ready & Not Right.
The best way to un-confuse yourself is to confess that you're trying to date a guy who is already in another relationship. You're just his in-between.
Cut off the free benefits for him and you'll see an amazing thing: Either he'll move on to the next "better than nothing" - in which case, good riddance.
He'll suddenly wake up to you and your needs a bit more.
Either way, you win. Even if it doesn't look like it right now...
I'm crossing my fingers for you!
Yours in Perfect Passion,
- Carlos Cavallo