Today's reader asks about what to do if he's seeing someone else.
And my answer may surprise you.
QUESTION FROM A READER:
I was casually seeing a guy, then I got pregnant. He stopped seeing the other girl he was more serious about and was there for me 100% but never committed to me.
He told me he would always be there for me and that he was really attracted to me but he wanted to be sure we would work if we were ever to pursue anything.
I kept pushing him away by bringing up how we were doing and if he was on the way to committing to me yet. But we were stuck in a cycle of doing good, then me freaking out.
So I decided I was going to live in the moment and just enjoy where we were and hope that that would give us a good chance. So I did and we had two really great months where we just got on so well.
He treated me how I would want to be treated if I was a girlfriend. We spent a lot of time together and had fun and were even physical. No freak outs on either side!
But the other day he informed me that a girl, that he had been hanging out with and I knew he had some feelings for, had asked him out and he said yes. It has completely thrown me.
We were doing so well, I don’t understand. He says he just wants to explore the feelings he has as he is confused and has feelings for both of us.
How do I play this? He still wants to hang out and spend time with me and our daughter (and me on my own). He says that any girl he dates will have to be OK with us being close and I will always be more important.
I really want him back and will try anything. But don’t know whether to hang out with him and continue being in that great place we have been in, as I KNOW this dating relationship with the other girl won’t last.
Or whether I should back off and give him space… Not let him spend time with me for a while, which he has really been pushing for!
Please help! I really want us to be a family.
CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS:
The easy thing is to tell you what to do… Put it on hold with him and tell him he’s on his own until he’s figured out what he’s doing.
It’s harder to explain why it’s the best path.
In fact, there’s a good chance you won’t understand why until much later on. After he’s shown whether he’s really THERE, or just trying to have his cake and eat it too.
You gotta cut him off – cold turkey. Men have this respect mechanism built in where they respect the women that don’t need them – especially when they have the balls that HE doesn’t to pull the plug.
You said: “I really want him back and will try anything.”
He KNOWS this from your attitude, and that’s what tells him he can still have his little harem going on and not commit. He’s not a bad guy, necessarily.
He’s just like an 8 year old – pushing his boundaries and seeing what he can get away with.
(And don’t feel too superior – women do the 12 year old thing where they test a guy’s boundaries for how much shit he will take, too.
Send him packing for the time being. He can still opt to show up and be a dad (and REAL man) for his daughter in the meantime. But that doesn’t mean you wait around for him to stop playing his games.
He needs to be taught a lesson in respect and integrity – to YOU!
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]