What Do You Do If He's Jealous?

By: Carlos Cavallo
 |

QUESTION FROM READER:

Carlos, I've been dating this guy for about three weeks now.

Last week he asked me if I was seeing anyone else. I told him not really, even though I felt like it was a mistake.

Well, he called me up later that night and accused me of seeing other guys. After about ten minutes of calming him down and reassuring him, he seemed better.

Then he called back a few hours later, crying and apologizing.

I don't understand why he's so jealous. We've only been dating a few weeks.

What's going on?

- Janine DiSalvo - Phoenix, AZ

0606 guy jealous of couple sm What Do You Do If Hes Jealous?

______________________

CARLOS CAVALLO ANSWERS:

Well, Janine, I have to tell you that your first impulse was the right one. When a man presses you forward faster than you want, that's a sign of insecurity on his part.

And that's what he was doing when he asked if you were seeing someone else. He was rushing your forward to a decision - without even realizing it.

Let's take a peek inside his mind and see what he was thinking:

In his mind, he's like:

"Uh, oh. I'm seeing this woman, and I'm starting to feel a bit insecure. My emotions are a bit out of control because I don't feel in control."

"What if she's seeing other people? What if one of those guys gets her into bed before I do?

"I'm gonna have to find out what's going on so I can stop feeling like this."

You get the picture. It's not that your guy is bad in any way, or this is a red flag.

It's just that - at that moment - he lacked the masculine maturity to keep his insecure feelings under control.

And, inevitably, he rushed to find a solution. A way to stop feeling insecure.

His solution?

Get you to make him feel secure again.

article 1301392 0AB5935C000005DC 340 468x286 What Do You Do If Hes Jealous?

But here's the problem with that:

1) You may not have decided to make that kind of commitment to him yet. Sure, he may be a decent guy, but you really don't know after only a few weeks of dating.

Not even if you think you do know!

2) Now he's going to think you two are exclusive, even if that wasn't your wish. (Which is why you had that feeling that you might have made a mistake)

3) Now you've lowered your value in his eyes.

You made an implied verbal agreement with him, and now he thinks he's got the upper hand and control.

You've just taken yourself off the market, which  is not the way you want to handle those first few dates. It just communicates desperation.

But you were actually swindled into this situation by HIM. It wasn't your fault.

He was the one that lost his composure and blew it. And I'll bet that phone call did nothing to make you feel more attracted to him, right?

If anything, now you feel like you're in a difficult situation with him. You locked yourself in, which is unnerving.

But you also realized this guy doesn't really have a good level of self-confidence if he breaks down and comes to you crying on the phone for assurance.

Very un-cool, as my friends would say.

So what are you to do?

Honor your feelings. Respect your instinctual desire to pull back from him - for a time.

You need to get a little distance from him so you can determine if this was a momentary loss of control...

...or a habitual one.

Just take a few emotional steps back from this guy while you get your emotional footing again. Let him chase you once again.

Because if he's unable to keep himself together, you will not feel real sexual attraction for him. No matter how much attraction and desire you feel for him in any other way, his lack of masculine strength will throw cold water all over any flames of passion.

You will struggle with this for a while, trying to talk yourself into continuing the relationship, but it will only turn bitter and hostile between you. Resentment is usually the end of the road.

On the other hand, if he can summon his natural masculinity, and keep these fits of insecurity under control, you two could weather it out and have a pretty nice romance.

Either way, it's HIS decision. You need to protect yourself from the men that may not be up to your standards of maturity, and only let the ones in that prove themselves to be the kind of man you can feel that gut-level attraction for.

Don't lower that standard for anyone!

Yours, in Perfect Passion,

- Carlos Cavallo

Are You Dating A Married Man? The 26 Rules - And How To NOT Get Hurt

Most women never set out to date a married guy. But for some reason this guy was so appealing and so interesting, and now you find yourself dating a married man. He could be a guy you work with, a guy you met at a party, or really anywhere. Maybe you started talking and realized […]

Read More
How To Make Him Jealous - And Love You More! - 12 Secrets

One of the most common problems a woman has is when a guy seems to be losing interest. And you know that one of the best ways to get him interested again it's figuring out how to make him jealous - and how to make him love you again. It always seems like he's got […]

Read More
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys? 9 Reasons Your Mom Would Never Admit

Have you ever fallen for a bad boy? Almost every woman has felt the attraction for a guy who's a little rough around the edges. And that might make you wonder why do good girls like bad guys? “So why do good girls like bad guys? I had this question for a real long time […]

Read More
Why Do Guys Ghost - 17 Reasons - And How To Stop It From Happening! 

When a guy disappears on you it's one of the most annoying things that can happen when dating. Especially if you started liking him and thought “This one might be different!” And now all you can wonder is - Why do guys ghost? You know the situation: You've been talking to him for a while. […]

Read More
How To Fix A Broken Relationship - 10 Steps You Need To Know

If there's one thing for sure, it's that you will have problems in your relationship. So you need to know how to fix a broken relationship, no matter how bad. The good news is that if you can detect it early enough, a broken relationship can be fixed. And unlike a broken piece of pottery, […]

Read More
The 20 BEST Compliments For A Guy

Women want to feel more seen, heard, loved, and appreciated. But did you know guys do too? Do you know any compliments for a guy to make him feel your love? Let’s put it this way: How long would you stick around if you didn’t feel his love and appreciation? Well, he won’t stick around […]

Read More
20 REAL Signs That He Cheated - Is He Having An Affair?

If you want to create a relationship of love, trust, and connection, you have to know if your man is being faithful. It's also important to see any signs that he cheated - or if he's thinking of being unfaithful or having an affair. Some men can stray - and usually not because he's a […]

Read More
10 BEST Ways To Say I Love You - To MEN!

There are probably as many ways to say I love you as there are people to say it. You might be wondering how to say I love you to someone special. Even more important, you probably don't want to scare that person off when you tell them! One of the most common problems I run […]

Read More
10 Long Distance Relationship Tips - How To Make It Work!

A lot of people believe that long-distance relationships are a really bad idea. In fact, if you know what you're doing with a few long distance relationship tips, you can actually make it work. As a matter of fact, long-distance relationships can work just as well and even better than regular relationships. Whatever "regular" is. […]

Read More
21 Toxic Relationship Signs & How To Fix It

If you're looking for signs of a toxic relationship, you probably suspect you have some unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Or you may want to ensure that your relationship stays healthy. By recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship, you can avoid a lot of the problems that people run into in relationships. Let's face […]

Read More
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram