If you're not sure about your relationship, you might find yourself wondering "How do I know I love him?" You want to be sure he's the one, right?
Is he "The One"?
And you want to be sure you're not fooling yourself. You need to know that this isn't an illusion...
Are you dreaming?
Are you just infatuated?
Are you reading him right?
Now, to be truthful, you have to know that a lot of the signs you're in love are the same for if HE is in love with you. Which means, if you're really in love with him, you'll see him doing a lot of the same stuff you're probably doing!
Love is an emotion that is hard to define. As the saying goes, you might not be able to tell when it's love, but you usually know right away when it's NOT love.
What I'll do for you in this article is show you some of the ways you can know for sure that you're in love.
So how do you know you love him?
Let's start with:
Sign You're Smitten: Anytime, Anyplace!
If you're digging a guy, you'll likely find any reason you can to see him.
Which also means that if this guy calls you up and asks you to do something, you'll drop everything to do it.
I'm not saying you need to refuse him - that would be taking "hard to get" too far. No, what I'm going to propose is that you be careful about being TOO available for him.
You want him to appreciate you. And people don't appreciate what they get too easily.
As I say, if every football team got a super bowl ring and trophy at the end of the season, the sport would die. There is prestige and glory to winning the super bowl, and that's why it's such a fierce competition.
We don't appreciate what comes too easily.
Sign You're Digging Him: There's No Ledger...
In accounting, you have to "balance the books" every day. In other words, you need to know that your money is all tracked - and all the ins and outs are fully accounted for. All those numbers are kept in a ledger.
You're not keeping track...
The problem with many relationships - especially the "out of balance" ones that I work with - is that there are too many people who make love a transaction. They only give to get. And they wait to get from the other personbefore they give back.
Tit-for-tat, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours...
Instead of a giving and letting themselves enjoy giving for its own sake.
The reason many people get stuck in this way of thinking is because a great many people feel deprived and starved of love. They didn't get the kind of love they wanted in their family, so when they get older, they feel that love is scarce.
The reality is that love is EVERYWHERE! The universe is made out of love.
But when your emotions were formed and shaped by never getting the love you want, it might be hard to understand there's plenty of love out there!
Sign You're In Love: That Sushi Looks Like Him...
When you're in love - the real kind - you'll notice that everything seems to remind you of him.
You'll turn on Netflix and see a show he mentioned...
You'll go shopping and see a store that reminds you of him...
You'll eat at a local sushi restaurant and see some Sashimi that looks like him laughing...
Okay, that last one is a stretch, but not that much. You're going to start finding that everything you do seems to remind you of him.
This is actually a scientifically proven effect. It's like when you buy a new car, and all of a sudden you see that everyone seems to have bought the same car.
How is this possible?
Well, it's not because everyone bought the same car all of a sudden.
It's because you have a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System. This tiny part of your brain is the bouncer at the door of your awareness. The R.A.S. lets in stuff that seems important, and filters out the stuff that isn't.
When you're in love, your R.A.S. is programmed to seek out and point out all the areas of your life that remind you of him.
Sign You're Into Him: Fuggedaboutit!
When you're in love with a guy, you're not gonna want to fight with him. Deep inside, you know that every minute you waste fighting is time you could be cuddling.
You work it out...
So when disagreements come up - as they will - you will notice that you just can't stay mad at him long. In fact, it seems almost ridiculous to fight in the first place.
Sometimes your emotions get heated, and maybe his, too. But you both seem to find your way back to "making up" as fast as you can.
And in another way, if you find that you're mad at a him a lot, you might want to look at why your anger keeps getting triggered.
Is it because he's genuinely annoying you?
Or is it because you have some emotional defenses trying to keep him out of your heart...?
Only you can answer that one truthfully.
Sign You're In Deep: He's Number One!
One of the sure-fire ways you know you're in love with a guy is when you realize that he's the one you go to first.
Good day at work? You call him or text him...
Bad day at work? You call him or text him...
Got a busted water heater?
Car won't start?
You call HIM.
He's your "go-to" guy for this stuff. You realize you rely on him and you're making him your guardian and protector...
And this kind of reliance feels good!
I watched a show recently that talked about who you use as your "In case of emergency" person on job applications and doctor forms.
If it's his name and number you write down, you're in love!
Sign He's Won Your Heart: You can show him The Stranger!
Every woman is a little bit scared of letting herself freak out on her man. (Believe it or not, guys have a similar fear - and I'll talk about that in another article...)
You know - that crazy chick that shows up when the stress gets to be too much. Your private reserve bottle of cRaZy that you keep hidden away in your basement - but you know it could show up if the moon is in alignment with your bad mood...
You feel safe to show him "ALL" of you...
Billy Joel called this "The Stranger":
"Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell...
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover
See the stranger in yourself..."
BILLY JOEL - "The Stranger"
Every woman knows she's got the stranger in her, and she also knows when she feels safe enough to not worry about letting her dark side out on occasion.
She knows her man won't run, and she won't scare him away. That's when you know you're comfortably in love...
Sign You're Down For Love: Meet The Fam!
Yeah, you know it's going to have to happen - but you put it off for as long as you can... It's when you introduce him to ... your family!
Whatever your relationship is with your family, you might find yourself building up to this big event.
First, you have to find an event to bring him to - something not too intimidating.
Maybe - President's Day...?
Then, you have to start telling him about the crazy people. Your brother, or your cousin - whichever one is the most volatile and hard to deal with.
AndTHEN you have to start coaching him on how to make your parents like him. Which is like night school for 10 weeks.
So much work to do just to make sure he has the best chances of:
A) Liking your family (even if you say you don't care), and
B) Them liking him (even if you say you don't care...)
When you want him to meet them, and them to meet him, you must really feel love for him - and you want to take the next steps...
Sign You're Seriously Past "LIKE": Are We Happy?
It's a given that when you're in love you will probably find it hard to be happy if he's not happy. When he's down, you might feel a bit down, too. When he's on top of the world, you'll share in that happiness.
When you feel connected to him, you'll also share his emotions. Love has this way of connecting you in mind, body, and spirit.
The trick of this is that you don't want to be permanently stuck in his emotional state. This is called codependency and is a serious sign of a problem in a relationship.
Don't chase his approval. Just know that you're going to find your emotions entwined...
Sign You're On The Love Train: No Taboos...
One of the essential signs of a close relationship is the ability to talk about ANYTHING with him. When you feel that you can be vulnerable enough to really share your feelings with him, your thoughts, your darkest desires -
You're probably in love.
And this means that you can even talk about stuff you disagree about and still come back to the love.
You have to be able to talk about ANYTHING in your relationship if you want it to succeed forever. It's an essential quality of really loving and LASTING relationships.
Sign You're In The Love Zone: He Does It - But It Don't Matter...
This one is a spectacular sign of love - and it also demonstrates how you know when you've got someone special in your life. Maybe even the guy you will want to marry...
It's when you see quirky behavior from him, stuff you might not even like. But it doesn't matter to you!
You see his faults... and they don't matter!
And you know you're not just ignoring or denying that they exist.
"Yeah, he cleans his ears with his house key, but he only does it when he thinks I'm not looking. Gross, but tolerable..."
If you see him doing things that previous ex-boyfriends did, but they're not as aggravating or annoying, you know you've got yourself a keeper.
Sign You're In Love With Him: He Doesn't Trigger Your Fear...
This is a HUGE sign that you should notice!
When the man you're with isn't triggering your fears or insecurities, you've got someone that's compatible with your emotional design. And that's a really big sign of love that can grow.
You see, if you're not feeling activated by his behavior, that means that his behavior and his energy is immediately compatible with yours - in a good way.
Almost every single relationship brings out insecurities and fears to the surface. And if you don't feel that your vulnerability is making you either scared of loss - or that you're inadequate in some way, then that's a solid place to launch your love from.
Sign Love Is Knocking: Let's Do The Time Warp!
Albert Einstein was once asked how he would describe his theory of relativity: E = mc2
He (supposedly) said it like this:
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours you think it’s only a minute, but when you sit on a hot stove for a minute you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.”
Well, whether Einstein really said it like that or not, it's true in science - and it's true in LOVE!
And you'll experience this strange kind of time warping when you are with the man you desire. Hours will seem like minutes. Minutes seem like seconds.
Love and strong emotions have a way of pulling us into a strong sense of NOW. You become incredibly present and aware of what's going on with you in the moment.
Sign You've Got Love On The Brain: You Feel Safe & Supported...
When you're with the man you love, you'll feel like you are invulnerable. You feel like your anxiety just melts away and you're in a cocoon of warmth and love where you feel safe.
You feel safe expressing yourself, and being yourself.
And you feel like you are supported by him in what you want to do in your life. You'll feel the scars of the past disappear. And you'll also feel honesty and trust take a front seat in your relationship as well.
If you're walking around in doubt, it doesn't mean that you aren't in love - it just might mean that you're feeling old stuff from your past trying to make you fear again. It's natural, but it should eventually go away.
And if you find that your fear seems to always come up in relationships - along with insecurities and anxieties - you should find a therapist that can work you through your fears and help you heal.
Sign You're In Love With This Guy: You Respect Him!
This one is really really big.
When you find that you respect him - AND his freedom - you'll know you're in a mature kind of love.
It's a love that doesn't need to control or hold back.
It's a love that can trust that he will come back to you after he takes a break or there's distance between you.
A man senses respect from you. And if he knows you respect him as a man, he will do anything to keep that respect alive.
But the reverse is also true: If he doesn't feel respected, he will keep looking for a woman who does.
Sign Your Hearts Are One: You're Always Together In The Middle...
One of the clichés of relationships is that you have to compromise to make love work. You gotta meet in in the middle, they say.
But what they don't tell you is that you don't have to WORK to compromise. It should feel natural, not like a chore.
And it also doesn't feel like a sacrifice.
Really, you just don't mind ... when you're in love.
Sign This Is That Lovin' Feeling: It's Never An Inconvenience...
When the little stuff starts to bother us, that's usually a sign that our toleration and understanding has been worn down. You get annoyed more when you're just not that into it.
But when you're in love with him, you'll find that the small stuff that was inconvenient for someone else just doesn't bother you.
You never feel like you're wasting your time - or there's somewhere else you'd rather be. It all just falls into place with him when you're falling in love.
Whether it's hanging out on the couch watching a show, or just talking in bed, or waiting together in line somewhere, it's always a pleasure...
Sign You Know You Love Him: You're Acting Like An Addict...
The reality of love is that it's due to a lot of biochemical changes in the brain. What you perceive as an obsession with the guy who you met last Saturday at your sister's party is actually a cocktail of love "drugs" that your brain releases to get you invested in a relationship with this guy.
It sounds crazy, I know - but it's true. Here's a list of these drugs and what they do:
Vasopressin - Serves to increase feelings of attachment...
Oxytocin - Sometimes called the "hug drug" because of how it makes you bond with someone you physically touch. It's also released when you engage with your children, furthering the bond. It's an emotional "amplifier"
Dopamine - Part of the brain's "reward" system...
Seratonin - Feelings of well-being and bliss...
Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as "Adrenaline!" This is that rush of intense feeling you get with someone...
How do you know you're in love?
And there is also Testosterone and Estrogen, which you've probably heard of as well.
The reality is that much of what we attribute to "fate" and "destiny" and emotion is actually a drug-induced illusion. But wow... what a great illusion, right?
All of these chemicals in the brain serve to make you attach to this guy and want to mate with him and make little ones. (AKA: Babies.) In fact, most of who you are - physically and emotionally - is setup for only one purpose: Procreation.
You don't have to believe me on this one - it's been proven scientifically as well.
So keep in mind that your feelings of uncontrollable addiction and irrational behavior are a result of your brain on drugs...
Bonus Sign You're On Love Drugs: You're Jealous, But Not Crazy Paranoid...
Jealousy is actually another useful emotion that we associate with all kinds of evil things. And it's true, Jealousy has made people do some pretty horrific things. They wake up from the spell later and wonder "What the heck did I just do...?"
From an evolutionary point of view, jealousy alerts you to threats to your relationship.
When you see that hot blonde walk through the room and your man's eyes track her caboose as it shakes its way past you - and your stomach tightens up, that's a natural reaction. It's meant to put you on alert that you need to pay attention to your man.
(NOT yell at him for the natural reaction of checking her out. You might not like it, but it's natural. And trying to stop it from happening actually makes men run away from a relationship as it shows insecurity. If you want to know more about why guys check women out, read this article.)
So even though you might have heard that jealousy is an "immature" emotion, it's one that we can't avoid. But you can use it for what it's good for - an alarm system to help you keep your relationship safe!
Bonus Sign You're Hooked On Love: You're Ready For The Future...
Probably the biggest sign of love is knowing that you want to have a future with this man. You may not know what that future looks like exactly, but you know it's a committed relationship.
And you also know that you want him to commit to you. You want that exclusive relationship that you can invest yourself in - and grow within.
That feeling you have of not wanting to lose him is also there, and you know it would really suck if this guy were to disappear from your life. And you're willing to do what it takes to keep him!
There is a way to attract and keep a man in your life for as long as you want. You can even get a man that was starting to pull away or grow distant to come back and love you the way you want.
The secret is in The Cupid Effect ™ - a special formula that shows you how to get his desire & commitment.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]