When it comes to being vulnerable with guys, should you always be honest with men?
Let me put it this way:
If an HR person asked someone applying for a job, “What are your weaknesses?” during an interview, how upfront should she be? Should she tell everything?
Should she reveal, “Well, I once stormed out of a meeting with my last manager because I didn’t like being criticized” ?
Revealing that probably wouldn’t help her land the job, even if it was an honest answer.
Maybe if the person said, “Well, I used to get upset when my work was criticized, but my experience has taught me to manage my feelings and use negative feedback to do better next time,” they’d have a way better chance of getting hired.
It’s not because it was any less honest than the first answer, but rather that the person didn’t simply blurt out the first thing that came to mind.
Besides, people don’t expect you NOT to have any issues to deal with. All of us have a unique set of hang-ups, but we don’t have to trot them out thoughtlessly as if it defined us.
Rather, the best way to keep the other person from freaking out is by giving the impression that you’ve got your life under control, as imperfect as it may be.
In the same way, dating is a lot about being honest - but not so much that it makes the other person see red flags and run the opposite direction.
We’re all working on some personal stuff (that’s a given for the majority of us), and it shouldn’t hold you back from being in a relationship.
At the same time though, it’s best to keep it to yourself until both of you are comfortable enough to share such things.
Thus, honesty should be tempered with a little tact and discretion - especially at the beginning of a relationship.
There’s no dating rule that says you need to lay all the cards on the table for the sake of Keeping It Real.
There was a recent Reddit thread that asked the question, “What would your brutally honest dating profile say?”
A bunch of people replied, with answers ranging from hilarious to shockingly truthful:
“Good pet rock alternative.”
“Female medical uni student who is stressed as [email protected]#%. Enjoys the company of cats as they don't require social effort. Has probably cried and baked cookies today instead of studying.”
“Since we are single at this age, we are both damaged people. Tell me where you are broken and I will tell you where I am broken.”
“Still in love with my ex.”
"Seemingly perfect, but a disaster once you get 2 months in."
Like I pointed out earlier, being honest while dating is important (e.g. speaking up when something goes against your moral principles, etc.), but not when it gives the impression that you don’t have it together.
Being a guy, I have to say that unloading all of your emotional baggage comes off as too intense.
Give your man a chance to know you better, then let him peel you back one layer at a time.
Connecting with a guy is done in baby steps – pace yourself and don’t get into deep discussions about the number of children you want or how your ex was a cheating loser that took you for granted.
Eventually those things will come up, so let the relationship unfold first before getting into the more serious stuff.
In the meantime, have fun with him, be a great gal to hang out with and focus on enjoying the moment.
And if you really want to connect with your guy, try learning his Connection Style to really find out what makes him tick.
Once you’ve mastered this easy-to-learn relationship skill, you can be as honest with each other as you want, and he’ll still stick around long after.
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]
When you're unhappy in a relationship it's one of the most difficult situations. When you've got relationship problems, everything else just seems to fade into the background, and you want to know how to fix it. You wish you had a Magic Pill that would turn your unhappy relationship into a healthy relationship. Whatever the […]
According to relationship experts, the best way to get over someone you love is to just "get over them". But, this is the worst advice ever for how to get over someone. Breaking up hurts. But it doesn't need to be constant suffering. If you want to know how to get through a breakup, that's […]
You can be in a real panic when a guy stops paying attention to you or ignores you. When you feel him slipping away, all you can think about is how to get his attention back fast - and without looking desperate. If you sense he has lost enthusiasm for you, you don't want to […]
Every relationship is awesome at the beginning. But it's also perfectly natural to have slow periods in your relationship. You may be wondering right now how to get the spark back in your relationship. Falling in love is easy when the feelings of passion and desire run high. Staying in love is a little trickier. […]
If you've ever been in a relationship where you want to get the attention you deserve, you might have found yourself feeling neglected and unwanted. You may have even told your friends "My boyfriend won't make time for me! What the heck should I do?" Let's tackle this tricky situation and give you the tips […]
A long-distance relationship can be one of the most challenging situations for dating. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work you gotta know what most women don't know! There are a lot of barriers to keeping a long distance relationship healthy. A lot of people don't believe that long-distance […]