If you want to know how to be a good girlfriend, an important part is your friendship.
And are you on the same team? A romance is a partnership.
A relationship is also a chance to show off how good of a partner you can be to the man in your life. For years I just thought it was a place to let the other person prove their feelings - but it's really a two-way street.
Ultimately, we do want to be the best partner we can be. And every woman wants to know how to be a great girlfriend to her man.
Not just to keep his interest and his love, but to provide for him in all the ways that matter. Giving is the spirit of love.
(Mind you - giving to give, not to GET.)
I'm going to let you in on some Girlfriend secrets from a man's point of view.
I'm going to show you a few tips and tricks to awaken his sense of appreciation and gratitude. And don't be surprised if you skyrocket right up his "best girlfriend" list - right to the top...
(Oh, come on! You know you want to beat all the other gals he's dated...!)
DISCLAIMER: If you don't like the thought of working to be the best girl in his life, don't read on.
If you think HE has the obligation to get it together and prove himself to YOU... well, you're right - sort of. He'll only give to you as good as he gets in the relationship.
So who starts the cycle?
Be A Good Girlfriend - Step 1: Don't sweat the small stuff
One of my favorite philosophies of life came from one of my favorite authors: Scott Carlson. His book title says it all - Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's ALL small stuff.)
Spoken like a true enlightened dude...
So when it comes to your relationship, you have to keep things in perspective. You can't ride him about things that just don't matter.
Now, in reality - and in the perspective of a life well-lived - you have to know that very little of the stuff we focus on really matters.
But in the day-to-day focus of a relationship, you will have things that bug you about him. Just be willing to let go of them as soon as you're done with them. You know he'll never be perfect - and neither will you.
Don't create unnecessary drama. Your ability to keep his life cool and calm is the one thing that will create a loving atmosphere between you two.
Which leads us to:
Be His Favorite Girlfriend - Step 2: Drop the Nag
Let's just say that a guy is keenly aware of things you'd like to change about him. But the problem is that some of these might just be things that are not going to change.
Can you accept them?
If you can get rid of the nagging in your relationship, you'll have gone miles down the road of being the woman he can't get enough of.
Men desperately need your approval. And the one thing that stands between him and feeling that approval is the frequency of your complaints about him.
If it's something you're passionate about, you may need to find an alternate way of reaching him about it.
Otherwise, coming down at him too much and too often will burn out the BOTH of you.
Let me explain why...
The reality of being in a relationship is that there will ALWAYS be some things you'll never see eye-to-eye on.
You're two separate people with your individual beliefs and principles. Like it or not, that's going to make you see certain issues from different perspectives.
Whether it's money, political persuasions or your preferred brand of toothpaste, you can't help but butt heads over this stuff down the road.
So you're going to have to approach these sore spots with some honest BUT gentle diplomacy. That's why it's important to frame these issues in a way that you can tackle as a team - and not just attribute it as something wrong with him.
No one is motivated by constant messages of inadequacy.
Not to mention, it will build up resentment in you like rust in a car. And that's not going to make your relationship work.
Be His Best Girl - Step 3: Unfriend him
Yeah, you heard me right. Get on Facebook and other social media and cut that cord between you.
If you're really together in real life, you don't need the electronic connection to make it better. In fact, the online social media stuff will kill your passion after a while.
It's only going to cause fights.
You'll see that he's got some gal that he's friends with that you don't like. Or he'll read a comment on your wall, and the insecurities will kick in.
There is too much drama on the social networks. Just the issues with being "tagged" in photos is enough.
And if you're thinking "BUT CARLOS! How will I keep him honest if I can't watch who he's flirting with...?"
If that's what you need to keep your relationship on the honest level - it probably doesn't stand much of a chance.
Hate to say it, but it's true.
My wife and I aren't connected on Facebook - and I personally try to stay away from social media. It's a great way to lose focus on what really matters in life.
Trust him until he gives you a solid reason not to.
The Greatest Girlfriend - Step 4: Get hooked on his addictions
Well, let's assume I'm not talking about real physical addictions, like drinking and drugs. (The bad drugs, anyway.)
I'm talking about the things he loves to enjoy in the world. If he's passionate about something (and he is, no matter what his cool calm exterior might say) then you owe it to your relationship to get dialed into one of those passions.
Maybe it's fantasy cosplay (costume play)...
Maybe it's board gaming...
Maybe it's cooking...
Hopefully it's not a TV show, because that's not interactive... but at least it's a start. Sports is a start, too, but better to find something you both share between you.
He needs to feel that you're on board with him and you want to be a partner in what he loves as well.
You don't have to be as hardcore as he is about his stuff, but it does matter that you're trying. Maybe do a little research on the topic, then use your knowledge as springboard for a nice conversation.
You might just rock his world when you do this.
Remember, it speaks to a guy when his girlfriend makes an effort to be part of his inner world.
As long as you show some level of interest in his passions, that's already going the extra mile in the relationship. And that's something he'll definitely appreciate.
Be The Perfect Girlfriend - Step 5: Be THERE with him...
I have a good friend who is on her phone WAY too much. She tends to surf Facebook when she has idle time - which is anytime there is a 5 second silence in a conversation.
My wife and I love her to pieces, but the distraction of never feeling like she's THERE with you.
When a woman is distracted from her man, it creates a block between them and their love.
When you're with your man, BE with him. Don't be in a constant state of Pinteresting your way through the day.
That's for the line at the airport.
Whatever's going on in your phone can wait until later. He needs you present and with him in the moment.
No text or online conversation can compete.
Just show him you appreciate him more than anything else with your focused attention. Men very rarely ever hear (or feel) how they're valued in a relationship.
Be the woman he loves to love - Step 6: Look good.
I'm not saying get breast implants...
I'm not saying spend 25-30 hours at the gym each week...
I'm not saying you have to be a supermodel or restructure your DNA...
I'm not saying to botox, get plastic surgery, or any of a thousand other vanity measures...
I'm saying you need to work at looking good for him - within your own limits.
A little makeup, a little exercise, a little self-control at the buffet. And an eye for fashion here and there.
You'd be surprised how little it takes to please him. Like I said before, it's the EFFORT that makes us most happy.
But even better - look good for YOU. If you approach it from that angle, you'll be doing the both of you the most good.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with having the occasional sweatpants and ratty t-shirt day. We're not talking about perfection or looking great 24/7.
But it does matter to a guy that you care about taking care of yourself in GENERAL. In a way, caring about your appearance shows how you feel about the relationship as a whole.
This one may raise a smidgen of anger in you. After all, why do YOU have to work so hard to look good for HIM?
Look, it's a reality. Men are extremely motivated by appearances. Which is actually GOOD news, because he's really only looking to see that you're putting in the effort.
That tells him he's important to you.
As my good friend once said: The key to marriage is to STAY SEXY.
You want a great shortcut?
SMELL good. Put on some perfume for him. This will start the ball rolling in the right direction...
How to be a good girlfriend - Step 7: Learn something new
Sometimes, yeah, we guys get a little jaded too. We sometimes want something new-ish.
Not that we're going to actively pursue a cheating opportunity, mind you.
(Far too much has been written about this propensity for men to stray.)
But when it comes to love and a long-term relationship, you can give him something new all the time IF you dig in and reinvest.
Here are a couple ways:
- Blow His Mind In the Bedroom:
Go check out a few naughty video clips to see what's popular with guys these days. You can never run out of new tricks in the bedroom. Something new with your fingers, or tongue, or motion with your hips...
He will love your enthusiasm about it more than anything else. The more eager you are to go for broke in the bedroom, the more you'll be his personal fantasy girl.
- Cook him a meal
Not a cook? Don't worry. There are so many simple recipes out there to help you in that department. Just the effort is enough to turn him on to you all over again.
Plus, with a little practice, you might wind up surprising him more than anything else.
There are too many youtube videos and recipe books to not try this one.
- Trade secrets
Tell him a naughty detail from your past. Play the game of "Two truths and a lie" with him. Learning something about our partner that we didn't know has this way of waking up our desire.
Just a word of caution about this. You'll need a certain level of trust - especially when it comes to stuff about past partners or relationships.
You need to be sure that neither of you will freak out when you start sharing deeply personal details. So you might want to skip the gory details about what you did with someone else if you know it's going to put a wedge between you two.
But if he is cool about knowing that kind of stuff about you, then carry on m'lady.
Honestly speaking though, no guy will ever freak out over the freaky parts of your past if he feels secured enough in the relationship.
If he's into you - and I mean on a deep, emotional and physical level - he's NOT going to care what you did with whom before you met him.
He's going to be more concerned with pursuing you and winning you over - again and again. It doesn't matter if you've been dating for a few months, or you're already married and have kids.
If a guy's driven enough, he won't just meet your efforts halfway. He'll keep chasing after you like he just met you last week.
All it takes is knowing how to create Irresistible Desire, which is actually not that hard to do. It's about knowing the triggers in a guy's mind, and using these to make him want you so bad that it hurts.
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