Have you ever been in a situation where you met someone who you thought was awesome, but became unpleasantly surprised after?
Maybe it turned out you didn’t share the same values. Or perhaps you discovered one of those red flags, like he was one of those players who wasn’t into monogamous relationships at all.
To complicate things further, you found out about it too late. And so now you feel stuck with this guy because you don’t know how to remove yourself from the picture.
A lot of women have found themselves in this predicament, and most of the time it’s anything but easy to get out of it.
Unfortunately, it just comes with the territory.
At some point in your dating life, you’re eventually going to meet someone who won’t exactly be “on the level” with you.
From a general standpoint, it is part of human nature to put on a little ‘PR’ spin on ourselves. Someone once said it’s impossible not to talk about yourself without embellishing just the tiniest bit.
Just think about your last job interview. Sure, you may be the best person for that marketing position, but you really didn't have to volunteer the fact that your credit score isn’t so hot, or that you’ve cried in the bathroom a few times when your last boss got too critical of you.
I mean, those things don’t make you a bad person.
If you’ve got your professional life under control in spite of those things, it doesn’t matter in the big picture.
Playing the Game
In the same way, some men are going to keep select details under wraps until they’re comfortable enough to share it later on.
Maybe a guy is going to hold off telling you that his last girlfriend was a total control freak and he’s still apprehensive about getting back into dating.
Fair enough, right?
I’d like to think that at some level, all of us want to be this ideal version of ourselves to get approval from others.
Then again, there’s a difference between embellishment and outright trickery.
As much as we’d like to wish otherwise, there are some people out there who are going to lead you down this whole other path and take advantage of your kindness.
It’s possible to meet a guy with a key aspect of his personality that could seriously determine the future of your relationship – and I don’t mean this in a good way.
Of course, there are also some guys who simply withhold certain information even if they don’t have a harmful agenda. Even so, it could turn into one of those scenarios where you’ll eventually call it quits because you “wanted different things”.
Whatever the case may be, it’s still in your best interest to quickly figure out if you should stick with a guy – or pack up and leave as soon as possible.
Getting To The Heart of It
So, a lot of women face the challenge of trying to figure out their guy WITHOUT alarming him in any way.
It’s quite the tightrope to walk – on one hand, you want to uncover those basic attributes to know right away if you’re a good match.
But at the same time, you’ll have to be smart about it because you don’t want him to think that you’re probing.
Some guys might get defensive and feel threatened. Even if he has good intentions, it can spook him and make him shift gears – guys can be skittish like that.
Aside from that though, you have those other men who are in fact, up to no good. If he gets the vibe that you’re trying to find out about him, he can turn the tables and cover his tracks.
So, you’ll fall into that conundrum wherein your guy isn’t going to reveal his true intentions. As a result, you’ll feel sucker punched when the cold, hard truth rears its ugly head in the distant future.
The good news is that there is a way to prevent these problems from happening to you in the first place. This way, you’ll be in a better position to make your next move.
Approaching With Caution
As you might guess, you’re not going to get anywhere by using straightforward questions:
- “So, I’ve been cheated on before…I hope you don’t turn out like the last one. We don’t have to worry about that, right?”
- “I’ve had a bad experience dating a control freak. Are you going to get into a fight with me because I didn’t let you know where I was?”
- “I really can’t see myself with anyone who didn’t at least consider the possibility of a long-term relationship. Would you agree with that, or are you more of a ladies’ man?”
In the real world, NONE of those questions are going to bring you closer to the truth.
If you ask him like that, you’ll set off those alarms in his head. He’ll practically be forced to lie through his teeth just to please you!
You need to find a way around the stuff you want to learn about and come in from a different angle.
Instead of asking him point-blank, act like you’re doing a sort of survey for men’s general opinions on something you’re curious about.
Present him a situation, like something that happened to you or someone you know, and get him to chime in. Towards the end, slip in a casual, “So, what would other guys think about that?”
By building up your question first, he’ll find less of a reason to be defensive. Also, ask him what *other* men might say so he won't feel like you're putting him on the spot.
Remember, you’re just wondering how guys as a whole would react to a certain situation. You’re not actually asking him what HE thinks.
The more you make it a relaxed, easy-going conversation, the less it will come off as an interrogation.
Dropping The Question
For example, maybe you’re wondering how important looks are to him. Is your date a perfectionist with women’s appearances, or does he value personality more?
To pick his brain the right way, you can introduce the topic like this:
“My friend at work mentioned a book on dating that said most men are worried their wives or girlfriends are going to stop taking care of themselves once they’re a couple. I wouldn’t say I’m one of those women, but I was really wondering if a LOT of guys really thought that way. Have your friends talked about stuff like that?”
So, he might say something like:
“Hah, my buddy who just got married said he was worried that he’d lose his freedom later on, but he didn’t say anything about his wife ‘letting herself go’. I’d say most guys are more concerned about being able to do the stuff they love even if they’re in a relationship…looks in the long run are important, sure, but not as much as having your freedom.”
So that tells you (even if he didn’t say what HE actually thought himself) is that most men wouldn’t weigh appearances that much compared to other things, such as not feeling crowded in a relationship.
From here, you can read between the lines and find out what makes him tick. The best part about asking him this way is that he won’t be pressured to give you the version of the truth you want to hear.
You might be thinking, “Isn’t it a little shifty to deal with him this way?”
Don’t worry, all you’re really doing is making sure that you’re a good fit for one another. Just think of all the time you’ll save by “feeling him out” - you won’t have to waste each other’s time if you’re meant to be just friends.
More importantly, it’s only fair that you look out for yourself too. There’s no point in pursuing someone who might end up hurting you when the truth comes out.
I think there’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish in dating, after all. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re not going to connect on a fundamental level, right?
In that case, you can take a different path towards another guy who’ll be worth your while instead.
Here’s an even more powerful way to read your guy – it’s a program called “How To Read His Signals” which COMPLETELY breaks down the male mind. If you want to read him like an open book, CHECK IT OUT HERE.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
- Carlos Cavallo