How to Remove Passive Aggressiveness From Your Relationship
By: Carlos Cavallo
One of the worst things to your love relationship is someone who is passive aggressive. I want to show you how to remove passive aggressiveness from your relationship.
Jasmine, a client of mine, asked me for help when her boyfriend said she was passive aggressive. “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing,” she said incredulously, “it’s pretty unfair to be labeled like that just because I get upset about the stuff he does sometimes.”
“There’s nothing wrong with letting your guy know if something’s bothering you,” I assured Jasmine.
I explained: “The problem is when you channel these frustrations in unhealthy ways that backfire instead of addressing an issue.”
Based on my previous conversations with her, I knew she had classic signs of passive aggressive behavior, which she didn’t realize was counter productive in making herself heard.
Here’s how I helped Jasmine get to the bottom of her situation:
#1: Know What’s Going On
I asked Jasmine, “When does something that annoys you, how do you react?” She mentioned that she tends to get sarcastic when she's frustrated or clams up to make her boyfriend wonder what’s going on.
I told her that neither of these will help her cause since it doesn’t communicate her issues in a direct way.
Guys aren’t much for subtlety, so the first step to removing passive aggressiveness in your relationship is being more upfront about your feelings.
#2: Know Why it’s Happening
The best way to nip this kind of behavior is to zero in on the circumstances that usually bring it out. “When was the last time you reacted to the situation that way?” I asked Jasmine. “What were you were doing at the time and what was the conversation about?”
My goal was to help her acknowledge the fact that certain scenarios were causing her to react in passive aggressive ways. That way, Jasmine can take an emotional step back and come up with a calculated response.
#3: React Intelligently
“So instead of telling your boyfriend you’re ‘fine’,” I said, “you should be clear about what you’re feeling exactly so he knows something’s up.”
I continued: “For example, when he forgot to take out the trash the night before, try telling him, ‘It’s really upsetting when our kitchen smells like a dump in the morning.’”
This kind of statement can help Jasmine vent her feelings but leave out the accusations or name-calling, which she hates doing.
This was when I also realized she’s uncomfortable with confrontations; this was why she had a hard time being direct with her boyfriend.
#4: Find Your Voice
The important takeaway for Jasmine was that she shouldn't be afraid to believe in what she has to say. As long as she can identify an issue with her boyfriend in a clear, direct and constructive way, she doesn’t have to worry about speaking up.
Lastly, I told her that the key was to make a mental habit out of the tips I gave her.
Over time, I explained to Jasmine, this approach will gradually eliminate passive aggressive tendencies – as well as remove phrases like “Whatever,” and “I’m fine” from her conversations with her boyfriend.
That’s all it really takes to create a better connection with your partner.
If you find that you’re having the same problems in your own relationship, awareness is the first step to avoiding frustrating scenarios like Jasmine experienced.
And if you’re looking for better ways to connect, you need to identify his Connection Style, which is different for every guy. It’s the quickest way to make him fall for you.
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]
When you're unhappy in a relationship it's one of the most difficult situations. When you've got relationship problems, everything else just seems to fade into the background, and you want to know how to fix it. You wish you had a Magic Pill that would turn your unhappy relationship into a healthy relationship. Whatever the […]
According to relationship experts, the best way to get over someone you love is to just "get over them". But, this is the worst advice ever for how to get over someone. Breaking up hurts. But it doesn't need to be constant suffering. If you want to know how to get through a breakup, that's […]
You can be in a real panic when a guy stops paying attention to you or ignores you. When you feel him slipping away, all you can think about is how to get his attention back fast - and without looking desperate. If you sense he has lost enthusiasm for you, you don't want to […]
Every relationship is awesome at the beginning. But it's also perfectly natural to have slow periods in your relationship. You may be wondering right now how to get the spark back in your relationship. Falling in love is easy when the feelings of passion and desire run high. Staying in love is a little trickier. […]
If you've ever been in a relationship where you want to get the attention you deserve, you might have found yourself feeling neglected and unwanted. You may have even told your friends "My boyfriend won't make time for me! What the heck should I do?" Let's tackle this tricky situation and give you the tips […]
A long-distance relationship can be one of the most challenging situations for dating. If you want to know how to make a long distance relationship work you gotta know what most women don't know! There are a lot of barriers to keeping a long distance relationship healthy. A lot of people don't believe that long-distance […]