I’m Black and Blue From Thinking About This White and Gold Dress
Normally, I don’t get bent out of shape over women’s fashion. After all, it isn’t exactly a topic that I’m deeply passionate about.
And I never imagined I’d get locked into a heated debate with a bunch of friends over the color of a stupid dress.
However, all that changed when a female friend of mine forwarded me this story. Too bad I didn’t know it would be the worst decision I’d make today.
There are some things that can’t be unseen, and this is one of them. Who would have thought a seemingly innocent piece of clothing could cause so much havoc?
(Then again, maybe it’s just some well-planned viral marketing campaign to sell a bunch of clothes.)
Apparently, the rest of the world (as you’ll read in the article) also wasted their time and energy over this, which is kind of sad really.
Not to get all serious, but all I could think of was, “Right now, people in the world are literally dying from war and hunger…and we’re getting worked up over a damn dress?”
More than anything, it was the pettiness of it all that bothered me.
Come to think of it, most arguments start off with the simplest of things (like fashion), then escalate when emotions come into the picture. It makes for an unproductive mess that leaves everyone upset.
When was the last time you found yourself in a petty discussion with someone – like your significant other for instance?
How did you feel about it after?
To avoid getting sucked into a petty fight with your partner, the trick is reading between the lines. Sometimes, there’s more to an argument than what you see on the surface.
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Picture this: one day, your guy says, “Hey, that new spy movie is playing today.”
Then you reply, “Eh, I’m not really into that James Bond kind of stuff.”
So now he says, “Well, who crapped in your coffee? I’m just saying.”
Feeling attacked, you come back with, “My coffee’s just fine. You’re the one getting worked up over a stupid movie.”
Then your guy fires back : “Sure, *I’m* the grumpy one. So sue me for trying to make conversation!”
Let’s freeze frame this hypothetical scenario and hit rewind, shall we?
It might seem like your guy is just into spy movies – but you could also say that he was trying to make a bid for your attention.
Also, what your guy missed from your comment (about not caring for “that James Bond kind of stuff”) was that you wanted to have a conversation with him – just NOT about the given topic.
Even if it wasn’t your intention, he thought you were shooting down his attempt at some chit-chat. That’s why he made that snarky comeback about you being grouchy and not caring about him.
Feeling hurt yourself, things escalated further after telling him that he got upset over a great deal of nothing.
Finally, he blurted out (in a very abrasive way) what he really wanted: to make conversation.
Sure, it’s a lot easier to have a knee-jerk reaction, but you’re better off reading between the lines BEFORE doing anything else.
So the key to diffusing a situation like this boils down to a couple of things: seeing the situation for what it is, and responding appropriately.
Ask yourself, “What’s missing from this picture?”
For instance, if you weren’t interested in spy movies, you could offer another topic instead: “Hmm, I don’t really like that James Bond kind of stuff, but the trailer for that new comedy looks pretty funny!”
Meanwhile, your guy also had the chance to switch gears instead of blowing up.
He could have said, “Oh well, are there any other good movies coming out?” or something like, “Well, did you want to check out another movie instead?”
That would put you both on the same page, wouldn’t it?
These little bumps in the road can make it hard to connect with your guy. However, it doesn’t have to be a problem for you anymore.
I’ve just come out with a new course that will suck out all the pettiness from your relationship EFFORTLESSLY.
Yours In Perfect Passion…
– Carlos Cavallo