Is He a Keeper?
How many times have you felt “duped” by a guy who seemed really great at first, but turned out to be entirely someone else? And during those times, how often did you feel trapped because you were in “too deep” with him?
Here’s the reality of dating: guys want to play up the best version of themselves in an effort to impress you.
They just want you to like them, but sometimes this backfires when the other part of them catches up to the relationship.
But then, I also have to admit there are complete jerks out there, too.
I’m talking about the ones who deliberately deceive you about something really important about himself that can affect the relationship in general.
Either way, it can be a tricky situation for any woman. I understand that you need to know upfront if a certain guy has a dealbreaking quality, but you can’t be too obvious about it either.
For one thing, those shrewd guys I mentioned might catch on and say the things he knows you want him to tell you.
If he happens to be a genuinely decent guy who’s afraid to say something incriminating, he’ll also avoid full disclosure to get his foot in the door.
So, you’ll end up with a man who hasn’t been forthcoming about himself. And when those chickens come home to roost, you’ll feel blindsided and confused.
However, you don’t have to get caught in this vicious cycle of half-truths or flat-out deception. All you need to do is get the crucial information you need from him, and decide early on if you should pursue the relationship.
But like I said, you can’t just ask a guy straight up if you want to avoid any sugar-coating or bait-and-switch business.
You need to ask him in a way that doesn’t reveal what you actually want to know about him.
Carlos Cavallo, Dating and Attraction Adviser
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Don’t worry, it’s not as complicated as it seems.
A good way to know is by asking him what guys in general would feel or think about certain issues. This is a perfect alternative to asking him what HE himself thinks about a given topic, which is a dead giveaway.
To make the question non-threatening, add a little context, such as you wanting to settle a debate with your friends.
Or you could introduce your query under the pretext of women (read: NOT you in particular) wanting to know the “real deal” about guys.
See where I’m going with this? Now the conversation won’t feel like the Spanish Inquisition to him.
Let’s take this indirect approach for a test run:
“I think one of the things that baffle women is how some guys don’t even bat an eyelash about cheating on their girlfriends, like it’s no big deal. Are a lot of men really like that, or is that just a myth?”
He can answer that in a couple of ways:
- If he says that most men would probably cheat if they were absolutely sure they wouldn’t get caught, then it’s a good indication of his personal stand on the matter.
- Or maybe he’ll tell you that other guys he knows are like that, but he himself wouldn’t be comfortable with cheating on someone he’s committed to. That’s also a good sign of his mindset (which is hopefully the answer you’ll get).
You can apply this approach to any other topic. As long as he doesn’t feel like you want to know what HE actually thinks, it’s easier for him to give an honest reply.
This might come off as being sneaky. However, it’s just about doing a basic character check to make sure he’s laying all the cards on the table.
I mean, I’d also want to know if a girl I was dating was being 100% honest with me.
It’s your life, after all. There’s nothing wrong with knowing if it’s worth it to keep seeing him before getting into a relationship.
You don’t want to be months or years down the road, only to find out that he isn’t right for you. By learning how to evaluate him from the beginning, it’ll be easier to find someone who’s a better match for you.
And when that time comes, there’s a sure-fire way to make him fall in love with you to the point of no return. All guys have their own Connection Style, and I can teach you how to figure out his.
Yours, in Perfect Passion,
– Carlos Cavallo