I have to start out by saying that you need to train your man to make him appreciate you and value you.
I recently received an email from a coaching client, and she ended it with one simple question:
"What can I do to get a guy to commit? What can I say to him? I want him to appreciate me more - I have this innate desire to be cherished..."
To feel really committed in a relationship requires a woman to feel cherished and valued.
You want to know that a man appreciates you - for who you are, what you do, and what you can be in your relationship.
Feels good to be cherished and appreciated...
Well, it's not like you can just push a button and he will instantly appreciate you -
Wait... can you?
The key is knowing how men think and value you in the relationship. Today, I'm going to give you 5 essential secrets about how to get your man to appreciate you and value you.
First, you need to know what will make a man DEpreciate you and lose his feelings of value for you:
How To Lose His Respect - 1: Going to him with drama...
It's not that men don't enjoy a little gossip from time to time - heck, I still do.
However, you need to severely rein in how much of it you bring to your man. He will grow tired of it quickly.
Men have a need to move forward to solutions to these kinds of problems after a while, and recycling issues with friends and family will wear thin.
Show him you've got solutions for your social situations, and balance this stuff with some higher thinking.
And share it with him - he'll appreciate it. And Cherish you.
How To Lose His Respect - 2: Agreeing with him too much...
He doesn't want to argue with you, but he wants to know that you've got your own opinions. He wants to hear interesting things come from your mouth - including observations, ideas, and plans. He needs to know you're an independent thinker.
Really, being too much of a YES-person in general will make a man lose his adoring feelings.
I'm not saying you need to start being DISagreeable... that's just as much a turn-off. But some women, who realize that they might not care about the details of what they do, tend to be more easygoing about what she does and when.
You know her... The drunk, sorority sister. 😉
In fact, I've heard quite a few women say: "I don't care what we do, it will be fun to just be out having fun."
Which is fine - to a point.
Men bond by doing things WITH a woman (and with their male friends.) So he will occasionally want to have ACTIVITIES to do with you. And it means a lot when a woman has an idea in mind.
So don't be afraid to get specific with him in some way.
Make your desires known.
If you don't have a preference, express one anyway. It makes you feel like more of a whole, separate entity to us, which increases our respect for you.
How To Lose His Respect - 3: Passive Aggressive Tactics...
If you're not familiar with this form of psychological manipulation - GOOD!
But you should know it when you see it. Like when a woman says:
"Oh sure, you can go hang out with your friends Thursday. That's cool. I mean, we haven't seen each other since last week. No, I'll just wait at home. I'm sure I'll find something to do with my time. (sigh)"
You hear what's going on there, right? She's not saying what she REALLY wants.
Guys HATE this tactic. It's manipulative and it feels really gross. (Literally, it feels like being rolled in oil and dirt, if you want to be vivid.)
Avoid this at all costs!
Okay, now let's turn this around and get positive - Let's talk about the 5 secret ways you can make your man appreciate and value you more...
Make Your Man Appreciate You - Secret #1: Expect Him To Rise...
People will generally meet your level of expectation for them.
Of course, the real problem is that most people don't expect much from anyone.
We're so jaded by people that have let us down, or that we'll just never find anyone better out there that we lower our standards every day.
I'm going to tell you that if you need friends or companionship so desperately that you're willing to lower your standards to get it, you'll find that you're not going to be very happy.
I live by the rule that one quality friend is worth five "sorta" friends. Any day of the week.
Give him purpose by giving him high expectations...
If you want your man to really value what you have to offer, you need to expect the best of him.
Expect him to rise to your level of expectation - because that's exactly what will happen.
The one (love) relationship you want to have solid in your life needs to be with a man who is not a Homer Simpson.
Make Your Man Cherish You - Secret #2: Silent Running...
One of the best ways you can get a man to feel how much you give to him is to let him experience it.
Yes, every so often you should disappear... Shhhh!
Yeah, I'll bet this one brought up a twinge of anxiety at the mention of it...
There's a saying: You don't know what you got til it's gone...
Like disappearing into thin air.
And that's what you want your man to do - regularly. Remember what he's got.
So take the opportunity to pull your focus back to yourself and remember your own needs every so often. And in so doing, leave him wondering if he really has you as "locked down" as he thinks he does.
One of the big mistakes of relationships is thinking that the more you impress the other person that you're there for them, the more they'll reciprocate.
It just makes them take you for granted more.
Don't believe me? Look back on any situation in your life where you were taken for granted and I'll bet dollars-to-donuts that you were too THERE for them.
Make Your Man Adore You - Secret #3: Push-Pull Him
Push-pull is a concept that is incredibly valuable to anyone looking for their love relationship.
It will, however, run the risk of sounding manipulative if you don't understand it correctly - so please listen up...
- When you "lean into" your relationship, you're more THERE. More present, more in the mix.
- When you "lean back" from your relationship, you're more relaxed about it. You more laid back and not so forward about the relationship.
You need BOTH attitudes to get him to fall in love. But most people in the first few months only rely on the first one. The Leaning INTO.
They lean into it so hard they freak the other person out without meaning to. You gotta alternate to make the tug-of-war work in your relationship.
Make sure you've got a little of both going on. Leaning in and leaning back.
Like a beautifully choreographed fight scene...
When you can, maybe 60-70% of the time, lean in...
When you sense he's starting to grow distant, lean back.
It will captivate him to return when he's ready, and you'll feel the magic of his attention and adoration.
Make Your Man Love & Respect You More - Secret #4: Drop The Grudge Sludge...
Grudges are easy to develop in a relationship when you're not getting what you want.
If he didn't hug or kiss you when you wanted it, it's easy to sometimes find yourself pulling back. Retreating.
Maybe it was a careless word, or a misunderstanding...
But if it sits and festers in your mind, it will lead to a grudge against him.
Your love becomes tainted and bitter, and it can unwind the fabric of the connection.
He's not a mind reader!
But before you let all that anger and negativity overtake you, ask yourself:
- Have you done a good job expressing your needs? Or have you left it vague and hard for him to know what you need...?
- Have you told him the TRUTH, instead of something watered down...?
- Did you speak your mind, even if your voice shakes...?
Men aren't as savvy to their own emotions, which are fairly simple. If you saddle him with figuring your emotions out, too - you might find him pulling away in confusion.
Get rid of your own bad mojo - that Grudge Sludge - so that you can connect with him.
Make Your Man Appreciate You - Secret #5: Know How Men View Commitment...
Men are tricky when it comes to commitment.
In fact, from the way men act, you might think that we don't want commitment...
But let me share something with you...
Most men are DYING to have a girlfriend/partner and eventually WIFE.
You can have the relationship you've been wanting...
What most women don't know about this is that men avoid commitment because we're so easily pulled into it!
Men have 3 barriers to giving their commitment to a woman:
- We don't want to choose the wrong woman...
- We don't want to lose our sense of self and freedom in the relationship...
- We need to feel that our woman REALLY understands us...
I wish I could make "REALLY understand" flash and blind you with the intensity of it... because it's SO HUGE to a guy.
Most women will pretend to "get" us, but they don't. Even though a guy will gladly tell you everything you want to know.
Most women don't even know what questions to ask to get the truth out of him.
It's your lucky day... because I've already done this for you.
- Imagine having the ability to listen in on a man's thoughts...
- Imagine being able to feel what he experiences going through the challenges of deciding if a woman is right for him...
When I coached guys on their relationships, I had a direct connection to THAT part of their brain...
Or you'll be watching him walk away.
When he would talk about why he pulled away, I got the exact words why he did it. (And I wrote 'em down!)
If he ended a relationship - right when it was going really well - I got his reasons for that, too!
Other people (mostly women, by the way) want you to think that it's only his FEAR that stops him from committing to you.
But that's not true...
It's time to stop laughing at that cutesie picture of the groom running away from the bride...
It's a LIE.
Do you want to see the notes on what these guys said?
Do you want to know the secret door into his commitment drive?
Watch this video if you want to understand what it is, and why a man will choose to be with you forever...