There is no more highly charged topic than cheating. Women always want to know why do men cheat on their girlfriends or wives...
Whenever I get an email question about a situation involving infidelity, it is usually one of powerful emotions.
So you have to put on your armor for this article as we open up and expose the Truth about cheating here... If you're particularly sensitive because of betrayal in your past, this is going to stir up some chaos in your circuits.
Right away, we have to cover some important stuff:
First of all, ask yourself: Is that person a cheater, or Did they cheat?
One is an identity: He's a cheater.
The other is an error in judgment: He cheated.
It takes TWO to cheat...
Even using the word "cheat" makes the whole thing SUPERCHARGED with emotional energy.
Ever since we were kids, the concept of cheating was a black and white ethical line. But if we're honest with ourselves, we do a LOT of things that don't fit into perfect right vs wrong cells on a spreadsheet.
So keep in mind that circumstances can create a cheat-friendly environment for ANYONE. That's right - after 25+ years of coaching and working with people on their relationships - including my own - I firmly believe that we are ALL capable of cheating.
Especially the people that condemn it the most!
There was a time in the late 80s and early 90s when televangelists (not exactly heroes of moral behavior) were being caught left and right in sex scandals.
To many, it was shocking. To me, it seemed completely expected.
We often judge something harshly and loudly as a response to our own fears of weakness.
In fact, the question I often get is: "Why do ALL men cheat?"
It's assumed that this is something that ALL men do when it has never been established as a truth.
So before you raise your fist and cry out: "Me? Cheat?? NEVER!" ...
Keep in mind that this often comes from a feeling of betrayal that we carry out of being the one cheated on in the past.
SECOND IMPORTANT THING: The truth about cheating is not what you think...
Cultural stereotypes (you can blame TV for this) say that men are most likely to cheat.
This is not true.
The difference in the % of cheating men vs. cheating women is negligible. The fact is that women are just much better at rationalizing and hiding their indiscretions.
There, I said it...
Will it hurt him?
I've interviewed experts on the topic of infidelity and why men cheat numerous times in the past. And I've revealed the ugly secret that very few people can speak of - and that is that neither sex is beyond doing wrong to their partners.
When it comes right down to it, we're all capable of doing whatever it takes to get what we need. No one is beyond some deception to get their emotional and biological drives satisfied.
So as I explain the 3 reasons why a guy cheats on his wife or girlfriend, I want you to keep this in mind. These reasons can also be a woman's reason for being unfaithful to her man.
The outcome is the same - but the difference is that each sex has a reason for why they cheated, just with a different priority.
Why Men Cheat - REASON 1: He's looking for sexual validation...
This one probably isn't going to come as a shock to you. Men are often labeled as "dogs" who "can't keep it in their pants."
We men are branded as being untrustworthy perverts, addicted to porn on every device we buy. We cat call women on street corners and sexually harrass them at every chance. Eager to step out at the first opportunity...
Well, the vast majority of men are actually very faithful and looking for the same committed relationship you are.
The real issue here is BIOLOGY vs. WILLPOWER.
Men can commit and stay faithful...
Will a man's willpower and intellectual strength be enough to control his biological needs - his sex drive...?
If you've ever tried to fight that urge at 10:00 PM to NOT eat that treat sitting there in the butter compartment of the fridge (the one that used to be on the counter, but you tried to hide it from yourself), you know what I mean about this struggle.
This NEED is deep in your bones. That craving for the satisfaction of one of our basest needs: FOOD.
Guess what the most powerful need is after we meed our food, water, and shelter needs?
How are you fulfilling his needs?
It's a NEED, too. Not a want, or a nice-to-have.
It's a biological imperative that humans have to engage in or we'd be extinct in no time.
For men, it's got even more hooks into our brain than we care to admit. We're not completely controlled by our groin, mind you. But it's got a LOT of influence over our decisions.
So yeah - guys want that joyful experience of meeting our sexual need.
Those women that ignore this basic need do not do well in their relationships, by the way.
Why He Was Unfaithful - REASON 2: He's looking for emotional validation...
Women are capable of cheating, too.
This is often cited as the primary reason that women cheat. Women are usually interested in sex that includes (or at least promises) some kind of emotional or relationship connection.
Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University anthropologist discovered that of men and women cheating on their spouse:
"34 percent of the women said they were “happily married” - whereas 56 percent of males felt that way..."
Which means that men were looking to get something they weren't getting in their primary relationship.
Maybe they're expecting more than their spouse was capable of.
Women seek that emotional connection as its own validation. And when a woman isn't getting a sense of real intimate connection in her relationship, she will cheat.
When a man isn't getting validated, he will also look elsewhere - especially if he doesn't know how to effectively communicate his need.
Most men learn by observing the behavior of others, instead of talking about what's going on behind the behavior. So he may only learn from the example of guys who cheated out of frustration or weakness.
SECRET TIP: If you want to help cheat-proof your relationship, you need to know how to validate your man.
Create a solid foundation of love...
I'll show you how you can do this in a bit...
Why Men Have Affairs - REASON 3: Immature relationship skills...
If a man doesn't have a lot of experience in mature, committed relationships, he's going to fall back on the common denominator of most all romantic connections:
Many men haven't worked through their developmental challenges in relationships. Some men do become bogged down in their inability to handle intimacy and connection.
And keep in mind that for most men, sex IS the relationship on a lot of levels. It's how a man feels intimacy and connection.
It's always easier to jump in a new bed and enjoy that visceral thrill of a new sexual relationship than it is to work through your issues in the relationship you have.
Men and women are both guilty of throwing away perfectly good relationships that were sometimes uncomfortable. They walked away simply because they fell for that mistaken belief that if their partner was "The One," the relationship should be "easy."
It's easy to walk away... will you?
His immature relationship skills also include those times when a guy just can't seem to break things off. He decides he's going to just cheat to pass the responsibility over to her to do what he cannot do.
Or if his insecurities get the better of him - such as when he validates himself as being desired by the women through quick sex. Ego is a big part of a man's self-opinion and how he judges his self-worth.
Just like women, men often have more than one reason they cheat on their partner...
How do you justify your actions?
But that reason comes down to the same thing: Getting something that's missing from the relationship.
Ultimately, it’s the keeping of secrets and the constant lying that causes the most pain when there's infidelity in a relationship.
No, it's not fun to think of your spouse or boyfriend doing the dirty with someone else, but that's only the most superficial part of the pain when you look at it closely.
We have to be able to put aside judgments of the person and go to the next level:
"Understand that the person we love is still in there, trying to get their needs met..."
If you'd like to create the kind of relationship that gives him the safety and fulfillment that makes him committed to YOU - and ONLY you - forever, I have a free presentation that you need to see...
You CAN have the love you want...
THIS is how you CHEAT-PROOF your relationship.
You see, every man has a "password" on his heart. For the woman that knows this, and knows how to "hack" into his love and desire, it's there for the taking.
Go watch my free presentation on the password to his heart...