7:38 AM - So I'm sitting at Starbucks with Marni, a good friend of mine. She's also in the business of coaching people on how to date and make more powerful connections.
After almost scalding my mouth once again with my Chai Latte, we started talking about *attraction.*
You know, that delicious electric ZAP you feel when you meet someone you just know you want to get close to?
They say that attraction isn't a choice, and that's true. But most people don't know that there are many different kinds of attraction.
One of them is really important for a woman to understand. YOU might not even know about this one.
Let me tell you about these two kinds of Attraction:
ATTRACTION TYPE 1: "Cotton Candyman"
Sometimes you'll be out somewhere, and some guy will saunter up to you, smiling, looking great. You two start talking, and after a few minutes of talking to him, something enters your mind:
"I really want this guy to like ME..."
You find yourself giggling a little bit more... flirting a bit more... touching him on the arm when you laugh... working your hair a bit.
Heck, part of you might even know you're shamelessly turning on the charm, but this guy is just so much fun.
You don't want him to go.
But eventually he does. You exchange numbers, he gives you a peck on the cheek that you *almost* wish was on the lips, and go back to hanging out with your girlfriends.
But later on, after the smoke has cleared, you pull out your cell phone to see what time it is, and you see his number - freshly programmed into your phone. But there's no name, and you can't remember it.
And you feel oddly un-moved. It's like you mentally shrugged, because you just can't remember what was really so great about him. That giddy feeling is gone, like the fleeting sweetness of a tuft of cotton candy.
And then there's...
ATTRACTION TYPE 2: "Together Man"
This next guy you could meet in the exact same situation: You're out having a few drinks with some friends, he walks over and chats you up.
He's got a nice smile, dresses well, and doesn't look like he just rolled out of bed before leaving the house.
He actually put some effort into looking presentable. Always a good thing.
As you're talking to him, you feel yourself smiling and laughing, just like with Guy #1. But this time, it's different.
You're not really flirting with him as much, but you know one thing deep down inside: You like him. He's smart - and he's got his life together.
(You can't even remember what that other guy did for a living. But THIS guy has some fire and passion to him.)
You want him to like you, just like with the other guy. BUT - with THIS guy you know without a shadow of a doubt you could see yourself going out with him.
And maybe even see him as your boyfriend.
Even after he leaves, you find your mind wandering back to him. You picture situations where you're together, sharing good times. And maybe even waking up at his place.
You exchange numbers with him. But this time, you find yourself making sure you spell his name right.
And you even manage to get a good time to call & connect the next day. You can't stop thinking about him the rest of the night - and all the way home.
So what's the difference between these two kinds of attraction?
Guy #1 - "Cotton Candyman" - You wanted him to like YOU, even if you weren't sure if you liked HIM.
He's attractive, but only while he was making you feel attractive. He was an expert at flattery and fluffing.
He might have been a player, but he sure had charm. Just no real depth.
Guy #2 - "Together Man" - You knew you liked HIM, and that only made you want him to like you even MORE.
He's attractive, and you know there's something there you can connect with. You could see a future with a guy like this.
And that's really the difference that makes the difference.
The first guy may have gotten past your jerk radar, but he failed to impress you on a gut level.
Your instincts will usually reveal his true colors, and that his personality is probably not authentic or ready for your heart.
The second guy is your "target market," and you have to watch for that feeling of depth when it happens, because that's a big indication that he's got something worth looking at.
Even if you don't make a love connection, this guy could also be a connection to many other quality men.
So watch for those secret signals of a man's quality by watching for these two attraction types. It will help you screen out the men who will waste your time from the ones who you should be spending as much time with as you can.
When you aim for a higher standard in guys, you very often will get it!
And if you'd like to know the secrets of how to meet men that matter, take a few seconds to watch this short video:
How to connect with men - and get past the armor around his heart...
- Carlos Cavallo