Unconditional love is the most important kind of love to many people. It symbolizes complete connection with your loved one, with nothing held back.
Not only that, it's the kind of love that doesn't rely on special conditions.
It's the kind of love that says:
"I love you, completely. No limits, and no requirements."
Some would even say Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves.
I get a lot of emails asking if that's possible, though.
Can you really have a love that has NO conditions? They would love you forever without any kind of requirements?
I think most people know this is unrealistic. In order for people to feel fulfilled in a relationship, you have to get something back, too. And that usually means you've got your needs that need to be met.
I don't know about you, but that sound like a condition to me.
Have you ever tried to love someone without asking for anything in return? It usually ends up leaving you feeling pretty raw and used by the end. In a real love relationship between two human beings, there does need to be a few conditions to make it work.
Still, it's good to ask what unconditional love would mean to you if you could have it.
Or give it.
Let's take a look at a few definitions of unconditional love that you can use to see if you're on the path to a relationship you can believe in.
What is Unconditional Love - He's not trying to change you or make you into someone you're not...
One of the biggest indicators of an UN-healthy relationship is when either person is trying to change the other one in the relationship.
HISTORY: I was in a relationship once with a newly divorced woman who had an adorable little girl. I was all ready to jump in feet first and be instant daddy.
But cracks started to show in that relationship within the first month.
In the end she broke it off with me, and I was pretty heartbroken. But she was right to have done it.
Kids...? Unconditional love, at it's best.
I'll never forget what she said at the end. She said:
"You didn't fall in love with me. You fell in love with my potential."
Which was exactly what I had done.
I had moved in and started her on an exercise regimen. I got her to quit smoking. She changed her life around to suit what *I* thought she should be.
And when it was obvious that wasn't who she was, she bailed.
When someone isn't happy with who you are now, that's a long way off from Unconditional Love. In fact, it's about as conditional as you can get.
Over the years, I figured out that if you're not choosing someone right at the very start who's a good fit, you can't sculpt them later. In fact, you'll probably just make them angry and bitter at you for not accepting them as they are.
So trying to change your partner is the exact opposite of unconditional love.
What is Unconditional Love - He's Not Into The Score...
One of the best lessons I learned about relationships was that there are always (and yes, I mean ALWAYS) areas that are not going to match your expectations. There are going to be places where you find yourself getting mildly annoyed that it's not exactly the way you'd like.
I'm only talking about the smaller ones in your relationship, not the huge ones that can be deal-breakers.
What are some deal breakers?
If you have a significant difference in your attitude towards:
Your relationship expectations
Those are some things that you need to be aligned together with.
Some of the things that are typically NOT deal-breakers:
Taste in music
General level of cleanliness (if not TOO far off)
Taste in home furnishings
Taste in movies & TV shows
And honestly, these minor things should NOT be a big deal on their own. Sure, if you have a bunch of small things, those can add up to a deal breaker IF you don't have any compelling major element to cherish.
For example: I cherish that my wife is aligned with our roles in our relationship. I'm the guy, and I do the guy stuff. And I don't complain about it.
She's the woman in the relationship, and does the more stereotypically "feminine" things. (But we both overlap on all of them.)
This may not be for you or for some other folks, but it works for us.
So I choose to overlook the small areas where we don't match up. I just do that thing that needs doing and I don't get caught up in keeping score.
This is big. If you're piling up resentments and stored hurts for things you're not getting, there's a good chance that this attitude is neutralizing your feelings of love into apathy. And that's something that relationships almost never recover from.
What is Unconditional Love - He's your soulmate...
When we talk about Soulmates, inevitably the conversation gets very new-agey. Talk about "the One" starts to lead us on an idealistic chase for that perfect relationship.
Interestingly, the more I talk with women, the more I have to re-define my idea about Soulmates.
Women don't think of "The One" or their "soulmate" as being just one person. They think of him being the man they are with right now.
Unconditional love can be a beautiful thing...
I think that's a wonderful way of looking at a relationship, as long as you don't mistake the man you're with as The One when he's really just a "better than nothing." (BTN in my lingo...)
Sometimes the guy you're with is NOTthe one, and you need to know that in advance. Don't get suckered in by a guy who doesn't match you well, even if he does wind up giving you the commitment that so many others avoid.
The idea behind a soulmate is that they are so well matched to you that you just assume you're meant to be together. Which leads to a kind of inevitability feeling between you. An assumption that you're just supposed to be with each other. So you never fight it.
If you do find someone that's well matched to your spirit, you may find this helps you get past a lot of the mundane and petty fights so that you can keep coming back to each other.
What is Unconditional Love - His heart is open and he's ready to commit...
Ah, this one is an offshoot of the previous one. Sometimes we define unconditional love as him being open and ready to make the commitment that other men seem to avoid.
In truth, men don't avoid "commitment."
Men avoid being committed to the wrong woman.
That's the essence of why a man doesn't make a commitment to you. Men WANT to have a solid one-on-one relationship with a wonderful woman. The only question for him is whether or not YOU are that wonderful woman for him!
If a man makes a commitment to the wrong woman:
He's likely to be extremely miserable...
He's going to die earlier... (lifespans of men in unhealthy relationships are short)
He's not going to make as much money... (having a difficult relationship also makes it hard for him to get the support he needs to achieve)
He's going to have a low quality of life and be subject to depression...
The reality is that a man's life is completely defined by the quality of the woman he brings into his life as a partner. (Yours is too, but his is MORE subject to this.)
If one person is considerably more involved in the relationship than the other, her greater commitment invites exploitation by him. Or that commitment provokes feelings of entrapment, both of which destroy love.
That's huge! I urge you to re-read that a few times to let it sink in.
Remember that there are many men who are content to hang out with a woman in a fairly casual relationship that goes nowhere.
Because men don't have any pressing biological clocks to watch. There is no urgency to a man's desire for a committed relationship.
If you're not careful, almost ANY man can waste years of your time in a relationship that goes nowhere.
He'll be ready to give his heart to you... Without conditions.
It's up to YOU to get him across that bridge into Commitment-Ville!
If he's resisting commitment, he must see something that makes him afraid of committing. Whether or not that thing is real or imagined is beside the point.
Your job to get any man to commit is simple: Erase his fear.
This will let him move forward with you.
There's really only one way to do that -
Get Complete Commitment From Him!
It's the only sure-fire way to make a man sit up and pay attention to you. To make him make you a priority.
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