You know - instinctively - that you don't want to look desperate to a man, right?
We know, deep down in our bones, that if you make yourself look desperate to him, you're going to struggle to get him to even talk to you.
When you look desperate:
You lose your social value...
You become the "creepy" girl...
You repel men almost immediately...
You make him think you're easy - and you don't have any self-esteem...
The list goes on and on...
You're the ONE!
You KNOW you don't want to look desperate or needy to a man, but sometimes you just feel that pull toward a guy and you can't help yourself.
It's also hard to know if you're crossing that line from making your interest known (sure, guys are thick), and maybe pushing it into "coming on too strong."
Well, this is your lucky day!
I'm going to explain to you the most important part of dating - and that's how to avoid looking desperate and needy to the guy you want.
Don't look desperate - DON'T DO THIS #1: Being TOO available...
Again, this falls in the category of "Stuff you know, but you keep doing anyway."
I find myself frequently coaching women that they need to be a little more "hard to get." But when I do, I hear the inevitable (and lame) excuse of:
"But Carlos! I don't want to be manipulative! I want to be AUTHENTIC with him!"
Yup. And a whole bunch of other justifications for not letting Destiny ruin things for you yet again.
Look, I have to get real with you here for a second...
Read this list:
These are just a few of the things that women use to be more attractive to men.
Can you imagine going out without makeup, no bra, wearing a turtleneck sweater and sneakers?
Yeah, I thought so.
All or none?
The truth is that all that stuff in the list above is - technically speaking - manipulating men! (The crowd gasps...) We all know you're doing it, and yet women will insist that they're not doing it to get guys interested in them.
This is called confabulation, folks. It's when we deny that we're doing what we're obviously doing and make up clever stories to explain it away.
Men do their own kind of manipulations
- by bragging and puffing up their egos around you to appear like a prize you might want to marry.
Or at least sleep with...
So when you're TOO available to a guy, you're really just lowering your value to him. We don't want what comes too easily.
If every team in the National Football League got a trophy and champion ring for "participation" - do you think they'd really work all that hard?
In order to perform at our best, we men need to be inspired! And that inspiration is the perception of how rare of a prize we think YOU are.
Rare prizes are not sitting home every night watching Netflix. These prize women are IN DEMAND - and they're out there living their lives.
You may not feel like this kind of woman, but you sure need to start ACTING like one. As the saying goes, fake it til you make it.
Don't look needy - DON'T DO THIS #2: Texting Him Like A SuperFreak...
Okay, maybe you're not a superfreak, but you don't want to look like one.
"It's already been 10 minutes..."
What's a texting superfreak do?
Double texting him - that's when you send the same text again, thinking that somehow your previous text didn't get through or was eaten by text gremlins. He got it. It just didn't register or land with him at that moment. Saying things twice looks really needy...
Asking him if his phone is working, or saying there's something wrong with yours. This is very much like double texting. C'mon, he got it. You know he did. It's your anxiety and insecurity that's making you check in and push...
Texting him compliments. Whoah there... If you're in the initial stages of a relationship, it's not your job to puff him up - it's the other way around. You're the woman. You're the object of desire, so act like it...
Texting him too much. Yeah, guys have a threshold of how frequently we want to hear from you. Let's put it this way - A man should hear from you a little LESS than he actually wants. This creates desire in him...
You have to keep your impulses under control.
Don't look like a desperate woman - DON'T DO THIS #3: Plan Anything Longer Than 1 Week Out...
It's easy to get caught up in the spirit of a new romance, isn't it? You get really excited to just hang out with your guy.
You might even be chilling, and he brings up an idea that you should go with him to Hawaii in 4 months...
Well, sure - it sounds exciting and fun. And who wouldn't want to do that trip?
Too soon...? Most definitely!
But wait a second. Before you do, you have to check in with Carlos...
My first question for you is this:
Is he a really good prospect already? Does it feel like he could be "the one"?
Because you can't just run off on a trip on a wild notion. This guy has to be a really good prospect.
Have you been dating for longer than 2 or 3 months?
If not - DON'T do any planning out further than a week.
Why? Because when you plan out longer, without REALLY having a solid relationship, you look like you are a person who hasn't got many options.
At the start of your relationship, you need to appear like a person who has options. And that means that you wouldn't want to commit yourself to anything more than a week or two at the most.
Besides, who knows if this guy will even be around that long?
Stop Being A Desperate Chick - DON'T DO THIS #4: Lean In...
Some people lean into everything they do...
Some people lean back...
Which are you?
Leaning inmeans that you're more "there." You are more eager, attentive, and focused on whatever it is - relationship, hobby, etc.
Leaning back means that you're more "relaxed" about things. Nobody ever has to tell you to 'chill out.' Things don't seem that urgent...
Which way do you lean...?
I tended to lean in when I was in my 20s and 30s. Now I tend to hang back and relax.
If you know you have a tendency to lean in to relationships, that means you're going to be more likely to freak him out. It doesn't mean that your relationship won't work out. It simply means that you have to watch out that your natural excitement and energy doesn't overload him.
It can be really easy to lean into a fresh, promising relationship. But your best plan is to KEEP leaning back. If he's really a keeper, he won't lose interest.
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