Dating Advice Guru - Relationship advice

Why Won't He Propose - 3 Reasons...

By: Carlos Cavallo
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It's totally frustrating, isn't it? You've been with this guy for a while now, he's the man of your dreams, and he says he loves you.

He promises "forever" every time you talk. So why won't he propose to you?

You wait for that ring, for that get-down-on-one-knee, and you get nothing.

You're dying for something - anything...

"You want to get married?"

I've heard that a lot of men propose in just that matter-of-fact way...

Do YOU want to tie the knot? Get hitched?

If you DO want to get married, and your man doesn't seem to want to, you've got some work ahead of you.

working woman Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

"Oh boy, here we go..."

Because the kind of convincing you're going to have to come up with isn't going to be nagging or pressuring. It's the kind you might not even know about.

(And - if you have tried nagging and pressuring as a method to get what you want from a man, you'll probably also know how it doesn't work.)

Remember one of my favorite sayings: "Someone convinced against his will is of the same opinion still..."

The first thing you have to remember is what marriage will NOT guarantee you:

  • - Being married doesn't mean you're going to be happy...
  • - Being married doesn't mean he won't think of other women...
  • - Being married doesn't mean you won't think of other men...!
  • - Being married doesn't mean you can't get divorced...

Now, I'm telling you this - and being a huge downer in the process - to illustrate a point.

Many women I've coached (and even a great many men) look at the marriage like they do their high school graduation. As if it's an END to something.

Many people think of marriage as an end to their single suffering.

They think of marriage as an end to that search for the Eternal Partner ™.

They believe that marriage is a goal... and an ending.

But it's really a START. And a process that lasts for about as long as you want to stay married.

happy couple Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

Is it luck of the draw...or is there a formula to Happily Ever After...?

It's not that marriage doesn't work, as many of the people say about the 50% divorce rate.

It's that we have a mistaken belief that - if you're married to the right person - marriage doesn't require work. Which is probably the most painful myth in relationships.

So before you make marriage your goal, keep in mind that the job is only just beginning when you say your "I dos" and put those rings on.

With that, let's get into those 3 reasons why he won't propose to you...

Why He Won't Propose To You - REASON 1: Desperation is leaving a bitter taste...

The fact is that if you want him to marry you more than you seem to want him around to talk to and have fun with... that smacks of need, not love.

And men are very sensitive to finding TRUE love. So he will be very sensitive to any of the signals that tell him you are not REALLY and truly in love with him.

A man wants to see that you're a vibrant, radiant, sexy creature. An independent woman who still WANTS him around and doesn't try to pretend she can do it all.

(Yeah, we see through that one, ladies.)

Of course we could all live without the other person, but we don't want to have to! That's part of the point of love after all. A choice we make to make our lives include you.

happy couple2 Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

Can you keep him chasing after you - again and again...?

Also, ask yourself if you're disproportionately focusing on this formality of a proposal. Do you want it a bit TOO much?

Kind of like a kid who's been refused that lollipop 5 times in a row ... and now watches any candy with the intense focus of a hungry cat watching the Friskies get emptied into her bowl.

Which leads me to...

Where is the proposal? - REASON 2: Is there something you might be missing right now...

A man will gladly marry a woman who appreciates and respects him.

But wait...

If you just said to yourself, "Carlos - I do love him!"

Stop and think again...

A man feels love when a woman APPRECIATES him.

And RESPECTS him.

This is not typically how women feel love - or express it. Sure, you want respect, but the WAY you feel it is not typically the same.

And have you asked him lately if he feels appreciated? If you do, and you get a slight pause, the answer is probably "not really."

meh Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

If you're not sure how he's feeling, take that as a sign...

Look, both sides have a bad way of taking the other one for granted. Guys do it with sex.  And women often take men for granted with the different ways a man provides for her and protects her.

But you have to be open to the fact that - if you're living with him - he's probably providing a great deal for you. (And if he isn't, and he's freeloading, kick his butt to the curb. Seriously.)

If he's providing money, resources, time, attention, and any number of the things that men do put into a relationship, he only asks that you let him know you genuinely appreciate it.

Because when a woman focuses on what she's NOT getting - ahem, the proposal - he feels like none of the other stuff matters to you.

He might also be tackling a career/empire building step in his life that he's very focused on. Many women feel slighted when a man prioritizes this way, but it's a very real thing for a man. (I explain a man's priorities completely in my Connection Code program, by the way...)

Why He Won't Propose To You - REASON 3: He doesn't have to...

Okay, Ugly Truth Time.

You may have heard the saying: "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

Another way of saying that "you can't get a man to marry you if you're giving him the sex for free."

But that's NOT what that saying means. It's not that you shouldn't give him sex before marriage...

It means that it's  NOT about manipulating the goodwill intimacy between you just to get what you want.

cowabunga Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

Sayings are funny like that - go figure...

What this saying means is that you shouldn't act like his WIFE before you actually ARE.

In other words, there needs to be a benefit to marrying you. There should be some things that are not quite on the table to give him if you're not married to him.

After all, if that's your goal, you don't give it up for nothing.

You don't go to work for free and then wait around for a paycheck, do you?

Nope.

You had an implied - and legal - obligation to go into work - and get paid either by the hour or with a salary.

So why would you give everything away for free in a relationship?

If your boss stopped paying you, would you keep showing up for work? Day after day?

That stuff you hear about "unconditional love" is bunk. All loving relationships have a perfectly acceptable implied arrangement in them:

"We will love each other. And if one of us is not getting what we need, we've got a right to ask for it. OR leave to find it in a relationship that is healthy."

Yeah, I know there's a part of you that's thinking that holding back from a relationship is somehow wrong.

But it's NOT.

Human beings have a need - and a right - to reciprocation in their relationships. You do give to get, whether you want to admit it or not.

And this often leads to guilty feelings about asking for your needs when they're not being met. You might wonder if you're being "selfish" or "bad" in some way.

Let me reassure you that getting your needs met (unless they're unreasonable or toxic) is a necessary part of a healthy loving relationship.

need love Why Wont He Propose   3 Reasons...

You can't give what you don't have...

If you aren't getting the love, respect, intimacy, communication, sex, happiness - or even the proposal - whatever it is you need, you are the only one who can ask for it.

But if you're not getting the proposal you want, you also have the raw power to ensure you DO get it by being the woman he can't do without.

Remember - no one walks away from a person they feel is so valuable they can't live without them. Have you made yourself that woman to him?

Now, if you want to know what that takes, it's simple...

You have to be IRRESISTIBLE to him. In fact, desire only comes in one flavor - IRRESISTIBLE desire.

It's something I can show you how to create in him. I've got a free presentation for you that reveals this secret. It's the same secret that Cleopatra discovered thousands of years ago - and only a few privileged women have passed the knowledge on.

If you'd like the secrets of Irresistible Desire - go here now...

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