Your Perfect Relationship DOES NOT Have A Deadline
By: Carlos Cavallo
Do you want a perfect relationship? I want to let you know that you don't have to rush.
There's no deadline.
There’s a scene from the movie “My Cousin Vinny” where Marisa Tomei tells her lawyer fiancé (played by Joe Pesci ):
“My biological clock is [taps her foot] TICKING LIKE THIS and the way this case is going, I ain’t never getting married.”
And for some reason, it got me thinking about how some women look at dating.
There’s this misplaced sense of urgency coming from these women, and it doesn’t do the world of relationships any good for both parties.
From a guy’s perspective, it’s kind of wears a man down to be “rushed” into a relationship because his girl’s giving him ultimatums about whether he wants to be “in for the long haul” or not.
On some level, I get it, really. It makes perfect sense for a woman to want to find that one person who can make her happy and grow old with.
But plenty of men would say that they’re scared of commitment when this desire escalates to somewhat unreasonable levels.
Living in the Now
Tim, a clothing store manager in Ohio, tells me, “I wish most of the women I dated would slow down a couple of notches…sometimes, I can feel that she’s looking way too far into the future.”
And that’s one of the biggest turn-offs for guys – being too distracted.
It’s not sexy when you’re not at ease or in the moment. Here are some of the telltale behaviors:
Thinking too far ahead
(“Is he going to be a good boyfriend?”, “I hope he’s not commitment-phobic”, “I wonder what our babies will look like?”).
Analyzing every bit of the conversation WHILE it’s happening
(“What did he mean by that?”, “He probably thinks my joke was stupid, is he going to call me?”).
Trying to guess his motives
(“Is he interested in a relationship?”, “I probably won’t hear from him after this date…”)
Believe me, that’s too much mental static to deal with.
If you really want to attract a quality guy, just be in the moment.
Of course, we all want things to go “as planned” – but when it doesn’t, it shouldn’t dictate how we feel about ourselves.
For instance, I’ve seen a lot of cases where women feel like they won the lottery after hitting it off with their date. On the opposite side of that spectrum, I’ve also seen women feeling absolutely horrible when he didn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
And that’s the worst thing about having an “everything needs to go according to plan” mindset. When your self-worth is based on these things, you’ll never have that relaxed attitude that attracts men.
Sit Back and Enjoy the Ride
Here’s a mental trick to get you into that laid-back frame of mind that puts men at ease: understand that NOT everything is riding on that one date.
It happens all the time in professional sports. There’s always that guy choking from the pressure of having to make that one shot count.
Don’t listen to that voice telling you it might be “too late” if you don’t act now.
It’s ironic, but the more invested a person becomes in making something happen, the more likely she’ll blow it from being too distracted.
An unsuccessful attempt isn’t going to trigger a butterfly effect in your life and leave you in disarray. I know plenty of women who are happily dating in their 50s and beyond.
They’re doing just fine because they know that a relationship isn’t an end result they have to achieve.
Instead, they’re more focused on the most important task at hand: Having fun!
That’s really what dating should be about, which is enjoying the company of that person in front of you.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the one you’ll be spending a quiet evening at home with after the kids have left for college.
Same goes if he doesn’t turn out to be anything more than another guy you met along the way.
If you want to meet your dream guy faster, step aside and let it happen.
Remember: Don’t put too much energy in playing psychic - channel that instead into being fun to be with. And everything else will follow.
By the way, I do know one way to get a guy, minus the needless hemming and hawing. It’s a skill that you can immediately learn and apply without putting too much time or energy into it.
When it comes to a relationship, there are signs you are smothering him. And like it or not, one of the things in life a girlfriend doesn't want to do is smother her partner. There are lots of reasons for this coming up in a relationship. But the most important advice for you to know […]
When you're looking for a life partner, the first question you need to ask is how compatible are we? Compatibility in a relationship will help you understand if you're right for each other. Yes, you can take a quiz to find out more about your compatibility. (I'll point you to my compatibility quiz in just […]
For most women, the first time you kiss a guy is important, because it's the first intimate contact you have with him. Let's talk about how to kiss a guy - and how to make him crazy for you when you do! Let's get real here - you're probably not a beginner. But you do […]
It's tricky enough talking to people in person, but what if you want to start a conversation on dating apps? How do you do it? After all there are a crazy number of apps out there for your phone, and even websites for those of you dating on your computer. Online dating is a huge […]
It can be tricky to admit you're wrong. BUT if you made a mistake, you need to know how to apologize to your boyfriend (or your husband). It's an essential skill for any woman that finds herself needing to make amends. After all, anyone can make a mistake or act out of impulse and say the […]
It's probably pretty obvious but there are things you should never say to a guy. Some things are better left unsaid when all is said and done. One of the questions I ask all of my newsletter subscribers is, "What have you said to a man that you regretted?" And it's one of the most […]
What is a man thinking when he pulls away from you? Is he thinking about the relationship? Is he thinking about another woman? What exactly goes through a man's mind when he pulls away from the relationship? That's what were going to investigate here. The truth is going to surprise you. Very often a woman […]
If there's one pain that we experience that we would prefer to avoid it's a broken heart. But there is a cure for a broken heart, no matter how painful it may seem right now. But the most important thing you need to ask is, "Does my heart have to stay broken?" "Can I win […]
Let's talk about the attitudes men love about women. A lot of people get this wrong, so it's really important for you to get it right. If you do, he'll find you irresistible. If you don't, you'll struggle. Let's look into the most irresistible attitudes for women - the ones men can't resist. And probably […]
So you're texting a guy, and you're wondering how to tell if he likes you by his texts. How do you really know what he thinks about you? It's hard to NOT read into whatever words he sends to you, after all. You finally exchanged numbers with that guy. You know the cute guy you […]